Relaxin' among Life {Open}

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

So accurate the arrow he notched and let loose; so casual his tone as it pierced through her heart and kept on going, going, stopping the beating muscle until it stilled, and vomited up the life it had held onto so desperately. He didn't speak of happiness, but of sorrows and guilt; he spoke of the hard things in life, of the struggle. Without even saying the words, his tone evoked images of an awaiting hell that was spreading itself out before her. Walk this path? Take that step? Rin wasn't sure she had the strength to do it, let alone want to.

But the truth was too poignant to be forgotten, lingering in the cracks that hope had opened up. The balm was being applied, slipping through the cracks of scum to the purity underneath and she was feeling the restlessness again, feeling the need for motion. Will she run away from this as well? Or would she gather her insurmountable courage and face this? The Wolf was part of her in ways only she truly, intimately understood. Where others seemed completely unaware of their animalistic demon, Rin was birthed into the cesspool of that feral madness, losing consciousness to the strength of that birth, the savageness of that awakening as flesh tore from flesh, as wolf sated it's hunger on prey.

Her deepest fear: it would happen again.

She would lose consciousness within the Wolf, and the Wolf would rampage, would strike out at whatever moved, devouring fingers, toes, burying it's muzzle into the soft flesh of the belly; blood would paint the walls and she would be bathed once again in that gory demise. She would once again awaken to gurgling waters, would be unable to move as it forced her mouth open and poured into her lungs. She would drown again, this time for sure -- for no one would make the same mistake twice. The Wolf, yes, the Wolf slept and slept while these fears chased the girl around in circles, as she cried, her tears at first soaking into her sweatshirt, then into his jacket as she thoughtlessly grabbed onto it, burying her face to hide from the shame. Embarrassment made her cry harder, stifled against the burning scent of him.

"The Wolf isn't like that." she says, lifting her face slightly from the jacket but unwilling to look him in the eyes. The Wolf wouldn't do that again, not again -- but that feeling, that fear, knowing, knowing there was no regret in the Wolf at what happened to Taro, to Kimi... at once repulsed and aching for that feeling. The Wolf had devoured her already, and Rin was sleeping in it's belly, nestled against the remains of her younger siblings. There was no room in her frail, human body for both of them, not comfortably -- not without fighting, and so the Wolf had sunk deeper than consciousness, affecting personality and mind.

She was no longer the Rin her family knew; no longer the laughing, clumsy girl they knew. Now she was Rin, the wolf, Rin the feral woman who sang only to herself at night, who changed shape to run from her fears, from the pain of living unaccepted and barely tolerated. She was Rin, now, Rin who only felt alive when the Wolf was in her mind, who grieved for her little brother every day of her life. "It won't work." she says, finally managing to meet his eyes for the briefest moment; a game of tag she did not play willingly. "I...I'll do what you want..." and the Wolf is waking, finally, finally, lifting it's muzzle inquiringly. So sure, so confident. "But I don't think it'll work."

Mostly because Rin didn't want to let go of this intimacy, didn't want to lose the last thing she had. No family, no home, no friends. What was left but the Wolf, and he, so casually telling her to let go, to not let it protect her any longer. What would she become then? Hope was lifting her up, but she trembled with fear, not knowing what she was getting into. The Wolf yawned, unconcerned, indifferent to her troubles.

[/SIZE]

word count;; 697
tags;; Murazar
OOC;; va-va-voom.

[/SIZE]

[Murazar Dauthi]

Murazar watched her intently, she seemed to be broken and the wolf in her not caring what-so-ever. Or else she'd have some sort of support and would have acted offensively instead of defensively. He shook his mental mind, back to the present.

He raised a eyebrow and replied back readily, [color=blue"Oh and I imagine that wolves no longer hunt anymore and have started to eat grass then?"[/color] It was one of those kinds of questions you asked yourself. The way he spoke it wasn't sarcastic, it simply shredded whatever defenses she had built up that were left.

He nodded lightly and spoke softly, yet wisely. What little wisdom he thought he had he was going to use right now. "Always remember this if nothing else, Confidence helps raise you up. I'll help you gain confidence in yourself if need be. Always remember during what lessons I give you in this matter, I am not trying to tear you from the wolf. I am only trying to make it where you both can work together without giving in control completely to one or the other."

He paused a moment to watch her again and spoke with a sort of finality, a begrudingness that he felt as if he had to say it. " Lastly, and this is the most important." He paused to look in her eyes trying to convey the importantness of this. " You are running in a nightmare, the past. I am trying to help you run out of the nightmare to the present, to the future. Remember this, when you fall on the path you make of your life always get up. Brush the sorrow and unhappiness away, and move forward. Always keep running forward to happiness. If you dont, then you will never be happy."

He paused to let that sink in before adopting the sort of look as if he was more embarressed to say those words of wisdom than anything else. Wisdom in an area even he was confused it was horrible. He was one of the few exception he believed now in that moving forward. He was a warrior, live for nothing, die for something. That was his life and creed he had nothing else, and nothing to die for. He had less to live for, except now this broken down girl that needed to be be rebuilt into something she could be proud of and the wolf in her would be proud in the end too.

Music: Until the End by Breaking Benjamin
{OOC: Figured I'd just throw in the music i'm listening to that fits the moment.}

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

Did he understand what he was asking? Her protector, her dark goddess, her safety, gone from her. No longer able to cower in that beautiful majesty, giving way beneath the onslaught of stress and human complexity. To run, to hide away from these terrible emotions which only hurt her when she was human, when she was Rin. Did she hate herself this much that she could not stand looking at herself in the mirror? Yes, yes, maybe that was it -- maybe it was simply that he would force her to look into a mirror she has been avoiding. He was going to force her to open her eyes and see past the Wolf, see past the blurry, fading memories -- to examine them, to know them, to swallow the guilt and grow up. Neverland was exiling her, and she didn't want to grow up bitter.

It was a simple thing he asked, really -- to just take a step forward, to leave behind the shadow of her past, to uncurl her fingers from the Wolf's fur and stand on her own feet: but for too long had the Wolf been the support she had not found anywhere else.

She was at once the cause and cure for her misery: they learned to track steps, learned to sniff out lies. They learned how glorious it was to run, to destroy, to rampage so forcefully -- when Rin locked up her emotions, it took on the Wolf's face, and the ferocity of that savagery was just an extension of Rin's own heart. Did he know this? Could he see it in her trembling hands, in her lowered, frightened eyes? Could he tell that it was more than just taking a step away from the Wolf, more than just learning to be confident, to be just like her -- it was.... it was life. It was learning to express herself without awkwardness, it was giving way beneath the force of her emotions, instead of struggling to lock them up, instead of fighting and hiding it.

The Wolf was awake, peering out from behind Rin's eyes, haughty and so sure of her attachment. Let him try. she thinks without words, a surging of emotion that sweeps over Rin like a gentle wave, warming her fingers where they were buried in the jacket, stiffening her back in surprise. The Wolf was a creature of mine's -- everything was an object to be taken, or had. The strong versus the weak, and the challenge issued had hit her deeper than the girl, for though Rin was fearful of stepping away from her protector, the Wolf was a possessive thing. Rin belonged to her. She belonged to Rin.

These ties were drawn in blood, carved in bone, strung out between the flowing strings of their hair and fur, when black eyes meet black eyes, when the moonlight flickers over their head and calls for union. They were part of each other and the Wolf would not let go.

He truly was a terrible man; sniffling slightly, embarrassed by her tears and her fears, Rin rubbed her eyes with her sweat shirt, feeling as if the warmth of her clothes were an extension of the Wolf. "How do you want to do this?" she asks, finally, her eyes flicking back up, seemingly enormous in her fragile, delicate face. But there was a strength in her she wasn't aware of, an acceptance of a self stronger than the whimpering pup squirming before his steely gaze. If only she could reach out, if only she could see past the Wolf and see what was great inside of her -- this untapped potential, vibrant and feeding the very hungers of the Wolf, she would be made whole again. Why did they run? To seek that paradise, to seek that peace and happiness he so plainly spoke of. Could she tell him? Nosing the girl forward, the Wolf subsides with a rumble of amusement, curling up tight around her heart. "You said happiness, right? I'm happiest when I'm running with the Wolf, when I'm," she catches herself, lips twitching before she forces herself to go forward. She had to meet him half-way, at least, right? "When we're howling. We run because we're looking for ... for something."

Rin twitches a little, "I'm not saying this right, but it's important right? I... I like to sing." a swift smile, quickly filling her lips before disappearing, "And otters." Jayden would laugh to see her so worked up over nothing. "Is this helpful... or ..." she looks up inquiringly, "Or just stupid?"

[/SIZE]

word count;; 768
tags;; Mura
OOC;; ah, she's kinda lame, isn'tshe? Btw -- Breaking Benjamin ftw. Hopeless is what inspired this post x3

[/SIZE]

[Murazar Dauthi]

Murazar smiled lightly, it was genuine and he didn't even notice it. He replied holding out his jacket, "Dry your tears, its alright. If you keep crying your going to make me want to cry. " He was now trying to be friendly, in truth he wanted to be. As a fox he was solitary and despite knowing how to be excellant in most social situations. This was out of his expertise.

He nodded lightly and replied simply, yet assuringly. " Oh we'll just spend time either training with you shifting or i'll take you out to the town and put you in social situations and wish you to handle it in a positive manner. Running from it in any way is not allowed of course." He figured that was the best way to handle that for now, until he worked something more concrete.

He looked up thinking for a moment before shaking his head, the smile hadn't yet vanished. It almost made him seem human, except for the distance. The mystery, she didn't even know his name yet. He looked back down to her and spoke softly, "No it helps, you are not stupid. Maybe reckless, but not stupid. Also happiness is something that you don't keep to one thing. The more you do, the more you'll love to do. If you keep yourself confined as you are now, you'll suffocate yourself."

He held out a hand to her as if wanting to take, it was palm up so it obviously wasn't a handshake. Right now he needed to register her scent, his nose was still good enough for that. He spoke carefully as if not wanting to offend, " I'm just going to register your scent, just in case I need to search for you." That meant either in case she got lost and he'd have to rescue her, or to hunt her down if it was necessary.

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

He was changing before her, slowly, so slowly -- like watching a flower blood before your eyes, unable to tell the little nuances that altered it's appearance. Shifting, emotions as cold and still as his soul, moving as if great things weighed him down -- but he was moving, he was, and it was important, though Rin couldn't see it. What a smile, for one who had seen so many different shapes that lips can take ---- and none of them good? Smiles hold so many different facets, it was hard for her to trust them, hard for her to see past all the injuries of her past and just appreciate the gesture; the Wolf chuckled, rumbling deep in her heart, giving her a warmth and safety to cling to as she began to churn through these murky waters; as she walked through fog and wisps of memory searching for his hand to hold onto.

Without knowing, she was changing, much like him, with his spiky petals coming undone at the seams, with his poison laid deep in his heart unreadable, untouchable. To her, who only saw the Wolf, there was no room for anything else, but she was looking for his hand, looking for the little light he held in his palm. She churned through her uneasiness knowing that the Wolf would be there, confident in that, if nothing else. She was unfolding, her weeds withering at her feet, letting the flower burst forth -- readying, for what, she didn't know. But trust was starting to form in her mind, her body revolving around him, centering him in her universe. He was strength, he was certainty. Cold, logical and brusque -- he frightened her, but attracted her with that insurmountable steadiness. He would always be, what he was -- he would not change from one face to the next; his shift was slow, and genuine, a cold distance that meant safety.

Rin felt as if she were in a dream, slipping beneath the currents and being pulled along for the ride -- he was here to catch her, she knew it, and the Wolf, cynical, sly creature, knew that if he did not, she would -- there was strength to be found, mettle to be tested. Let the girl realize her fullest potential, slowly, slowly, tasting the salt on her tongue without fear, knowing the scent of that cold abyss, a life that was at once part of the blood and death, and yet separate. Let there be balance, harmony -- yearning was such a powerful knot coiling in her gut, and yet now it had the chance to learn to fly.

It had the chance to change her, as she was now changing, as her body shifting forward, as her hair tumbled loosely over her shoulder. She needed him to do this -- a growing attachment, a growing adoration that started simple and silent, latching onto her heart. He would never be family, never be wolf, but he was comfortable -- he did not crowd her, but kept his distance. He spoke to bluntly. He did not see right through her.

No longer was she scared of his gaze -- for what she knew he was seeing was simply herself, simply Rin, simply Wolf. Let him try to disentangle the two, let him pick up the knot of red string and try to untie two souls meant to be bound for eternity. If he could do it, she would know her trust was worth this pain; if he could not -- what had she lost? The Wolf would not go, and she would be as she is now: burying herself against the warmth of fur.

Perhaps all she needed was pack, a place where she did not need to be lonely; looking at him, drying her tears and giving him back his jacket once and for all she felt a softening inside of her. Cruel, stiff man, but she smiled slightly. Yeah, terrible, terrible man. I'm just going to register your scent, just in case I need to search for you. -- this was the part in a movie where something strange happens, but Rin, darling Rin just lifted her small, slight hand and placed it in his own; she did not need to be so close to smell him.

It was everywhere to her, permeating the table, the chair, her hands and arms. It was as if his skin had branded her, reminding her always -- I am here. I am watching. Judgmental and dismissive, but she would remember those eyes and feel comfort, would know that if it came to hurting someone else, he would be there to punish her -- and wasn't that part of the addiction? Wasn't that part of her delight in giving in to the Wolf? The punishment of shifting, the pain, the shame? She smiled as she placed her hand in his, nose twitching as she inhaled that icy scent, that cold, cold scent -- so reminiscent of water (don't remember, don't remember!). A fleeting moment past where the muscles in her shoulder blades tensed and gathered before the Wolf chased away the demons and the girl, suffused with the scent of the Wolf gave herself over to his care.

Rin rose, pulling her hand quietly out of his, looking out, toward the forest -- she had run already, but she needed to be alone now, could not bear to be here any longer in this library, with these memories of water sloshing around in her head. "Then I'll see you again." A twitch of her lips -- she had forgotten to ask his name, but it didn't matter to her, and it went unnoticed. She knew him by face, by personality, by the fierce burning of his scent. What was a name, in comparison to that. "Don't call me Sayuri -- just Rin, is fine."

[/SIZE]

word count;; 985
tags;; Murazar
OOC;; I guess this is the end of our thread?

[/SIZE]

[Murazar Dauthi]

Murazar smelt her briefly and calmly, she smelt unique and nice. He couldn't yet put a finger to what she smelled like, putting words to smells was his worst trait on this ability. He spoke softly and nodded as she got up to leave he did likewise and put the jacket draped over his shoulders which made him seem larger than he was.

" Call me Fox then. Its what I am and part of my name. It matchs what I am too, little rin." He put little in front of her nickname to emphasis a sort of teasing. His training had already begun, he'd test her mettle slowly and work it up higher.

He spoke before she left with some concern tapped into his tone, " Before you go to think on this and more, just remember two things for when you leave. One I will be watching one way or the other. Secondly, don't hurt yourself." He smiled sadly this smile he was aware of and knew.

He waited a few minutes after she had left before moving on his own, he'd go to the roof of the school and keep his nose to the wind. It would cover half of the territory and the other half was visible and in sight. So he'd be fine if he had to search for her. Once he was on the roof he took his cloths off and then shifted.

He sat and kept his nose high, he gladly chose a spot that wasn't visible. His feelings, emotions, everything was heightened. He still felt dead on the inside, its just seemed like a fire was now kindling. He seemed by smell even more like death, a walking corpse that'd kill you instantly. His smell was on the wind and it to anyone with a heightened sense of smell seem like a predator was hunting everyone now. That was just the way he was, Frozen Death.