Post by Prentice 'Ren' Urban on Jun 22, 2010 2:32:54 GMT -4
It always started as a feeling of disassociation with the world, always, and tended to come about when he really had nothing to do. As long as Ren was busy he could keep his mind off of what he preferred to do with his time. He had calmed down considerably from when he had been a youth though, if only because it was less trouble, but every now and again it was almost like being back at the age of thirteen and having that undeniable pressure of the shift but having no way to deal with it. Back then he had been prone to cutting in to his own skin when he couldn’t shift, or fight, right up until something changed in that one fight. The feeling came like a sickness, almost, a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach as if he had swallowed a rock and that feeling of wanting to cause some chaos.
When looking for a fight, though, the beach generally was not the place to find it. But then again he had not really intended to go out looking for a fight, really, more he just wanted to walk and see if maybe merely burning off energy would be a good enough answer. When he had started his walk the last place he had expected to end up was the one place he rarely went. The very place where he had gotten in to a fight that had nearly had him out of the door of the school as fast as he had gotten there in the first place. But five years after the fact and the sand looked almost depressingly normal, really, there was not even a trace of the struggle that had exhilarated him. Frowning at the sand he moved on carefully picking his way towards the near by rocks only to pause once he had actually reached them. His fingers dragged along the face of the nearest rock right about where he had knocked his brother’s head against the stone accidentally. And he remembered the fight.
He had followed his older brother away from the school just waiting to draw Ari in to a fight over having dragged him to some school for freaks even although he was part of that freakish nature it still didn’t make him happy. What was worse was the fact that his brother had been going to this school since he had first shifted but allowed Ren to muddle though life thinking he was just some random freak for four years before finally bringing him to a place that probably would have saved them both a good deal of time. He had jumped on his older brothers back to start the fight and things had just gotten out of hand from there. They had always fought like they wanted to permanently maim or kill each other.
He had upset his brother’s balance knocking him back so he fell against the rocks smacking the back of his head against the rough surface only to get up and proceeded in introducing him to the sand and water with an arm stretched back on the verge of breaking. At the time Ren had half hoped that Ari would break his arm he had wanted the pain of it. To go with the burning acid feel of salt water in his other wounds and make him feel like he was actually alive and breathing.
But of course they had been pulled apart before he could feel the crunch of bones. Four teachers to stop two students, plus others who had come as well, and while he had tried to blink passed the salt water in his eyes he remembered cursing them all and wishing that they’d just die. So he could find his peace and prove that he was actually alive and not just a doll on someone else’s strings.
Of course both of them had faced heavy tolls for their actions but at least they had been able to stay at the school rather than just being shipped back out to the people who had adopted them. And he had drawn the attention of one of the teachers back then too, sort of, and had put up with her ghosting around in the edges of what was supposed to be his life when all in all it felt rather hollow at times. With a sigh he pulled climbed up the rocks quite obviously heading for the highest point where, in theory, no one would really bother him while he did what most would consider to be a very stupid thing. But really Ren had never been the sort to confine himself to the narrow minded tracks of the generations that had come before or after him. He did what he wanted regardless of what people thought.
Once he was as high as he could possibly get he crouched on the rocks and peered over the edge of them. Part of him wondered how much damage it would do to just jump off of them. Probably nothing more than a broken leg but more than likely only if he jumped the right way or hit something under the water or on the way down. It would be smarter to stick to something that he could control really so he shifted back and pulled something from his pocket while the other hand pulled at the zipper of his jumper. Letting the light fabric drop to the rocks behind him he examined the knife that he had pulled out, a rather sharp little thing much like a stiletto knife, a type of switch knife really with the blade trapped with in the handle until the push of a button set it free.
Moments later the knife flashed as he brought it down against his skin. Several cuts on the inside of his right arm not straight ones either but curved slightly and of changing deepness. Then down across his stomach another curving cut, ripping through the green and black patterned t-shirt. Moments after he pulled away the knife the blood started to flow after that. A soft shuddering breath escaped his lips and he sagged slightly on the spot taking deep breaths and just enjoying the sharp pain that slowly faded in to the soft pulsing pain as his body kicked in to dull the pain.
Now at least he felt alive.
When looking for a fight, though, the beach generally was not the place to find it. But then again he had not really intended to go out looking for a fight, really, more he just wanted to walk and see if maybe merely burning off energy would be a good enough answer. When he had started his walk the last place he had expected to end up was the one place he rarely went. The very place where he had gotten in to a fight that had nearly had him out of the door of the school as fast as he had gotten there in the first place. But five years after the fact and the sand looked almost depressingly normal, really, there was not even a trace of the struggle that had exhilarated him. Frowning at the sand he moved on carefully picking his way towards the near by rocks only to pause once he had actually reached them. His fingers dragged along the face of the nearest rock right about where he had knocked his brother’s head against the stone accidentally. And he remembered the fight.
He had followed his older brother away from the school just waiting to draw Ari in to a fight over having dragged him to some school for freaks even although he was part of that freakish nature it still didn’t make him happy. What was worse was the fact that his brother had been going to this school since he had first shifted but allowed Ren to muddle though life thinking he was just some random freak for four years before finally bringing him to a place that probably would have saved them both a good deal of time. He had jumped on his older brothers back to start the fight and things had just gotten out of hand from there. They had always fought like they wanted to permanently maim or kill each other.
He had upset his brother’s balance knocking him back so he fell against the rocks smacking the back of his head against the rough surface only to get up and proceeded in introducing him to the sand and water with an arm stretched back on the verge of breaking. At the time Ren had half hoped that Ari would break his arm he had wanted the pain of it. To go with the burning acid feel of salt water in his other wounds and make him feel like he was actually alive and breathing.
But of course they had been pulled apart before he could feel the crunch of bones. Four teachers to stop two students, plus others who had come as well, and while he had tried to blink passed the salt water in his eyes he remembered cursing them all and wishing that they’d just die. So he could find his peace and prove that he was actually alive and not just a doll on someone else’s strings.
Of course both of them had faced heavy tolls for their actions but at least they had been able to stay at the school rather than just being shipped back out to the people who had adopted them. And he had drawn the attention of one of the teachers back then too, sort of, and had put up with her ghosting around in the edges of what was supposed to be his life when all in all it felt rather hollow at times. With a sigh he pulled climbed up the rocks quite obviously heading for the highest point where, in theory, no one would really bother him while he did what most would consider to be a very stupid thing. But really Ren had never been the sort to confine himself to the narrow minded tracks of the generations that had come before or after him. He did what he wanted regardless of what people thought.
Once he was as high as he could possibly get he crouched on the rocks and peered over the edge of them. Part of him wondered how much damage it would do to just jump off of them. Probably nothing more than a broken leg but more than likely only if he jumped the right way or hit something under the water or on the way down. It would be smarter to stick to something that he could control really so he shifted back and pulled something from his pocket while the other hand pulled at the zipper of his jumper. Letting the light fabric drop to the rocks behind him he examined the knife that he had pulled out, a rather sharp little thing much like a stiletto knife, a type of switch knife really with the blade trapped with in the handle until the push of a button set it free.
Moments later the knife flashed as he brought it down against his skin. Several cuts on the inside of his right arm not straight ones either but curved slightly and of changing deepness. Then down across his stomach another curving cut, ripping through the green and black patterned t-shirt. Moments after he pulled away the knife the blood started to flow after that. A soft shuddering breath escaped his lips and he sagged slightly on the spot taking deep breaths and just enjoying the sharp pain that slowly faded in to the soft pulsing pain as his body kicked in to dull the pain.
Now at least he felt alive.
