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Post by Luke Bowers on Jul 19, 2010 18:00:57 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
Luke lay against the floor, wiping his hands over his face. It had been a crazy night and it was probably only going to get worse. Currently his mind was in overdrive as he tried to figure out what they needed to do. And he needed to figure out what they were going to do if the water somehow started flooding the second floor. The first floor was pretty big, though, so he didn’t think they would have anything to worry about. He caught her saying something, but it was unclear as to what exactly she said. He removed his hands from his face. ”What?” He repeated it again – it was a girl’s name, but he had no clue who this person was. Come on. My room is right over there. He used his hands to push himself up and the got to his feet with the held of the stair railing.
He followed close behind her to room 202, where the door appeared to be unlocked. Somehow he didn’t think that was a coincidence or just good luck. Just from where he stood, he could hear the water flowing in from the door downstairs. It sounded like they were near a small river or something – it tempted him to look down the stairs to see just how high it was getting, but that would be wasting too much time. She spoke again. This time he caught what she said. He guessed that the person she was talking about was this Noella girl. Luke smiled slightly as she pulled boxes out from under the bed – he was actually happy that he didn’t have to go searching around more, but it would have been better for them to gather the useful stuff. There were more rooms above, though.
He bent down in front of the box with the bottle water in it. The box wasn’t really big enough. Standing up again, he looked around the room until he found a bigger box and dumped out its contents. When he returned to the water, he started filling the bigger box with them. On top of those, he tossed in the snacks. Since he had no clue how long the storm was going to last, he wanted to make sure they weren’t going to starve after trying to survive drowning.Should…should we do something to the window? He looked up from the boxes towards her and stood up. ”Don’t stand so close to the window. I don’t want you to get hurt.” They had had so much bad luck with windows that night that it wasn’t even funny.
He looked around the room again and noticed a tall cabinet that he had spotted when he first entered. The door opened easily and he started pulling stuff out of them. Do you think you can move your bed away from the window? He didn’t turn around as he asked, still pulling stuff out. Not too far. We can push your bed against this cabinet as soon as I get it moved.” At a first glance, he could already tell the cabinet would be too heavy for him to move with all of that stuff in it. After it was light enough, he threw his weight against it, pushing it towards the still-intact window. He used his whole body weight to move it, rather than trying to use only his arms.
As the cabinet slid in front of the window, he stopped and leaned his back against it. Sweat rolled down his face from all of the work he was doing with moving furniture around. At least this one wasn’t a waste like the desk had been. He turned his head to the side to look at Rin. ”Hey, just so you know… I’m really impressed with how you’re handling this situation we’re in. I think there’s a good chance that if another girl was with me instead of you, she would just freak out and make me do all of this work by myself. “ He fully stood up, no longer resting on the cabinet. ”So thank you for that.”
There was one thing he could say about himself – whether good or bad, he didn’t know. When he was in a bad situation, or one that would make him panic, he went into overdrive. He had to keep thinking and moving for the most part. Sitting back and doing nothing was not something he liked to do. So, while his heart was beating really fast in his chest, and fear was clawing at his insides, he was running around like a maniac to secure as much as possible. ”I feel like I need a shower and a nap now,” he joked, slowly making his way over to the bed so that it could be pushed up against the cabinet for extra protection.
tagged , Rin<3words , 808lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , The idea of destruction, haha. And I hardly destroyed anything! MAybe it's the survival theme.notes , Okay, good!credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Jul 20, 2010 20:05:45 GMT -4
They weren't safe; they wouldn't be safe for a long time. They were simply avoiding the inevitable, running from it with their eyes straight forward, refusing to admit the truth: they were in trouble. Or so she thought, and so she felt, her heart scrunched up into a piece of hardened rock, her eyes getting puffy through the silence of her burning tears. Her forehead slipped forward, pressing against the window, wondering, briefly, what it would be like to simply fall forward, to simply let go of this lost cause, this battle fought simply for fighting's sake. It was all a pretense -- and it was better to simply give in, better to simply live in darkness than to try for this little piece of hope that kept slipping from their fingers.
She held herself grounded, sucked deep into herself as he shuffled about, as he filled the plastic bins with water and snacks, as he moved and shuffled about. Luke still had purpose, still had a reason to live ... but what was hers? What did Rin have that was so important? Her fingertips pressed lightly against the glass, almost willing it to shatter beneath her touch, to break into her skin and claw out her eyes -- would she fall forward and flip into silent death? Would she rest, finally at ease from the torment in her heart? He didn't know how hard this was for her to live through, to see the water lapping at the edges of their building, to see the beach in the distance completely engulfed by giant waves. Rain punched against the glass like nails, ticking away like little bullets aiming for her head and finding only the window. Water leaked in from the outside, the rims overflowing with water as it dripped ever so slowly, ever so disastrously through.
Rin's knees shook, but she slammed them up against the wall to cease the movement; tears blurred her vision, but she envisioned past anger and tried to grasp onto that heat. But what fire could ever burn in the midst of all this wind and rain? Beside it's mortal enemy -- grief and regret came and seized her as she tilted back, sitting on her knees. Tears ran down her face, and she scrubbed them away with a fierce hand. The world was going to drown with only a half-uttered scream, and she still she heard his voice: Don’t stand so close to the window. I don’t want you to get hurt. Still, she heeded him, slipping off the bed and standing there. There was chaos out there, echoed dully within. Was this was she looked like? So calm on the outside, chaos within? No, no ... Rin was too transparent to hold in the anger, to hold in the sorrow, the grief, the regret. She spilled these things forward without thought, unable to lie with something so pure as emotion.
Words were treacherous, but emotions, these feelings that this hurricane evoked within her, were simply a sickened projection of her subconscious thought. Luke fought for their lives; Rin empathized with the chaos. She wants to run and scream and thrash; she wanted to destroy, to flood, to break, to rip trees from the very ground and shake the world with her anger. These are the thoughts that slipped almost unbeknownst behind her eyes, filling her heart with an ache that did not go away; he spoke and she moved, setting her hip against the bed and shoving it out of the way as he wedged the cabinet against the wall. Her fingers tighten on the footer of the bed, looking at him from between a tangled mess of wet hair. Hey, just so you know… I’m really impressed with how you’re handling this situation we’re in. I think there’s a good chance that if another girl was with me instead of you, she would just freak out and make me do all of this work by myself.
[/i] -- she laughs a little, more of a scoff, a tch that leaps out from between tongue and tooth. Yes, words were treacherous things, making the heart feel as if it were truth, blinding and leading astray. Yes, let's be impressed with her idiocy, with her strangled fear, her inability to get past something that has happened three years prior. Let's linger in the pain and the anguish simply because guilt will not let her go; guilt will suffocate her in her dreams, leaving her unable to be free from what keeps her feet locked on the ground. She offers a quick smile, fleeting and gone, and pushes herself from the footer, wrapping her small hands around the other end and dragging it, slowly, begrudgingly before the cabinet to keep it from moving. There is no sound of shattering glass, no sound of the wind whipping around cabinet and wall; there is only a muted a silence, a breath of relief that hangs unbalanced in the air. It meant the world was on the verge of colliding together into a cesspool, swirling down into the drain. It meant that the fear she felt was only a shade in comparison to the fear she will be feeling soon. I feel like I need a shower and a nap now[/b] -- and the bed falls into place. Rin's hands fall away. Almost unwillingly, Rin looks at Luke, that guilt still there, still strangling her, but now encompassing, growing, snatching others in it's oily tentacles and dragging them in, too. He would be another guilt to add to her conscience, another sick, dying person to be added, for sure. She swallows a little, trying to hide the tears from burning her, from dripping like acid from eye and lash. " Lyk probably has some clothes that would fit you ...if you want to change." -- and she flees from these thoughts, turning around and looking through the girl's closet as if it were her own. So many firsts, so many actions taken where only observation had been. Whether the girl had a boyfriend, or she had a certain fondness for trans-gender clothing didn't matter to Rin -- she just knew, as she always knew what went on in her room, in her den. Having come first, she had watched through narrow eyes as everything was filled up the brim, as the girls came and claimed what wasn't theirs to claim -- so she knew, as her fingers flipped dexterously through hangars, dropping a few shirts, a few shorts on the bed, that they were there. If they fit, she didn't know -- but it was something, yes, something, to keep from looking at him, to keep from clinging to him ---- to keep from needing him. Rin went to her own closet, pulling out the first things she could get her hands on and slipped a smile in his direction, " I'll be back." and heads toward the door, grabbing a clip from her dresser. [/color][/size] word count;; 1168 tags;; Ollie <3 OOC;; muse went nuts -.- heh
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Post by Luke Bowers on Jul 23, 2010 1:33:07 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
He had grown accustomed to some of the actions and looks that took place by Rin. They weren’t always understandable, but they got more familiar every time he met her. For instance, when she laughed after he complimented her. She was hard person to pass a compliment to. He guessed there was another story behind it all that he was missing. That was why she laughed when he said certain stuff. It had to be. It was confusing to say the least. It was hard to be her friend when he tried to understand her. She had slowly been letting into him; slowly telling him stuff. It had been his choice to be her friend. Rin didn’t make him do that. It was his choice. As a matter of fact, if he remembered correctly, she was going to leave him that night – the night he had begged her to not do it. When he thought back on that, he felt like a total idiot. But he hadn’t regretted it.
Luke had been serious about the nap. Most people would think that you shouldn’t rest until the storm was over, but honestly he didn’t see the point. They could sit in total silence the whole time or they could talk as if they were just in a regular room on a regular night. They could worry the whole time the storm was there, or they could do with what they had, and then tried to keep themselves calm. The storm would do whatever it wanted to do, no matter which one they chose. He half-heartedly helped her push the bed up against the cabinet. The two pieces of wood clank together and then silence. Well, mostly silence. But he now felt a little safer knowing the window was pretty much secured. He pulled away from the bed and towards Rin – his body was slowly wearing down. The next chance they got to sleep was going to be the best night ever.
From where he was standing, it looked as if her eyes were watering up. He could, again, only assume that it was the situation they were in. He wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to cry about that. But he knew her a little better than that, and knew that wasn’t the only thing. The only problem was he didn’t know what else there was to it. That was the missing piece of the puzzle. ”I-um.” He rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to say. Unsure of why he had started to say anything at all. Lyk probably has some clothes that would fit you ...if you want to change.
[/i] She spoke again and moved, saving him from that small moment of outburst. He didn’t get embarrassed easily, but if he did, that would have been a moment for him. His eyes followed her over to a closet – the one that belonged to this “Lyk” person. He really needed to get out more, because at his age and grade, he honestly should have known more people. He watched as she rummaged through the close. Luke wouldn’t admit it out loud because it might sound offensive, but he really thought she was interesting. She was different – different was good. But more than likely, even giving her a compliment like this, there would be something wrong about it. She had a different view about herself. He continued watching her as she tossed various shirts and shorts that he could change into. Maybe this girl just liked dressing in guy’s clothes – lucky him. When she stopped throwing out clothes, he ran his finger over a dry shirt. ”Thanks.” He caught her smile as she said she would be back. Luke gave her a warm smile and began removing his clothes – first the shirt, then his shoes and pants. His shoes would just have to dry on their own. His room was nearby. Well, somewhat nearby. But he didn’t want to leave Rin by herself while he went to get his own. He figured these would fit okay, though. The warm clothes covered his cold flesh as he pulled on the dry shirt and shorts. He turned and fell onto the bed, not even bothering to move the clothes. I could just sleep right now. The blanket was easily warming up, despite the raging storm outside of the building. Luke closed his eyes, listening to the faint sound of the rain beating upon the roof. People who didn’t know any better would think it was going away; usually that wasn’t the case. It was likely they were in the eye of the storm and it would pick up again before long. If they were lucky, however, it would be letting up. No. Now is not the time to sleep. He groaned and pushed his hands against the bed to sit up. There had to be something he could. Getting up, he walked around the room, looking in and around everything he could find. Having no luck, he walked over to the door and stuck his head out into the hallway. Nobody. He ran across the hall and glanced in – he hoped that she wasn’t changing in there, because that meant he was just about to embarrass her. If that kind of thing did embarrass her. He opened the door and looked inside. It appeared to be empty, but it was hard to tell. Luke flipped on the light and started ransacking the room. Finally someone had what he was looking for. As he returned to his room, he sat down on the bed and pulled out the cards. Either she was going to play with him or he was going to play alone. It was a good distraction and they both needed one. [/size][/blockquote] tagged , Rin<3words , 962lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , Our previous posts.notes , Sorry, been busy and stuff. This post was really fun to type up, though. credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Jul 23, 2010 2:42:23 GMT -4
This was a time for anger, for emotion, for losing control; she should be letting go, breaking down, breaking free of these binds she had put on herself. She should be screaming if she were afraid, trembling if things were too much for her -- she had to learn to lean on others, to let go of the fears of abandonment and just jump right into the world of relationships, of interactions as fiercely as she jumped into the Wolf's psyche. There was no time or place for change, for turning a snide remark into something nice -- it was all about the heart, all about the world running around in circles before her very eyes. She couldn't keep going, going, going, when all she was going to do was end up behind where she had started. Rin should step on the grass, instead of following the concrete pathway. Fall into the world of hurt and pain and rejection, learn what it was like to feel happy as well as sad; but it was impossible for her, this inability to fully give herself over to someone.
Even if it was Luke. Even if it was someone she considered family; the Wolf was still gone, but that didn't mean much when her heart was twisting in her chest, when her eyes kept flicking back to find him, to see him, to use him as the proof that she wasn't dreaming; she was alive, she had to remember that. She wasn't dead, not yet, not yet -- they weren't going to die. Life still existed for her; a future still called to her. Rin just had to gather her feet below her and run forward toward it, rolling through the obstacles, ducking under the problems: anything, anything at all but running away, anything at all but the snarling and biting and the violence. Rin needed someone to sit her down and tell her to grow up, to let go of these things which held her back and see herself for what she was: weak and vulnerable.
Without marrying the images of the Wolf and the girl, they would forever be two different people, two different existences that ran perpendicular to the other without every truly touching. Who knew what would happen the moment those fingers truly curled in the Wolf's fur, the moment they saw eye-to-eye. The Girl was weak, the Wolf knew this, but there was a reason Rin turned into the Wolf; there was something in her heart, some ember that ached to be the fire, some little bit of mettle that hadn't been beaten out of her. She was a raw, uncut diamond all grimy and gross, just waiting for the right angle of sunlight to sparkle against her inner beauty. Right now, this very moment, Rin was filth; frightened, lonely child.
She left Luke in her room because she could not bear looking at him any longer, couldn't keep herself from crumpling to the floor like a child and just spilling out of her fears for him to hear. Did he truly need to know? Did she even want him to know how weak she was? The Wolf would have been adamant, and the fact that it remained so stubbornly silent frightened her, made a knot of unease tighten and squirm in her gut. It had to be more than the hurricane, more than the fear, more than the fight that had taken place this afternoon. There was no reason for it to be this silent, for the echo of it's absence to reverberate in her head when there was nothing threatening her.
Rin walked quickly, clutching the clothes to her chest as she slipped into the communal bathroom, her back slipping up against the door as she paused, as she struggled to breathe. She wasn't alone, no, no, don't think you're alone little girl. Just a few steps away he would still be there, still look up with that warm smile, and she'd be able to to reset herself again. It would be alright, if she kept thinking that way - if she forced herself into this shape of strength, that echoed the hollow future before her. Rin had the ability to be strong, if she could just realize it -- if she could see herself how she truly was.
If she held her breath, the girl could hear the swirling of the water beneath her feet, gushing over the carpet and adding to the height of the water: who knew how high it was? How far it had reached up the stairs? She held her breath, but it burst forth in a shaky sigh -- mimicked by the building as it shuddered. Rin clutched at the sink, her eyes wide as she felt the floor tremble beneath her feet. Wh... what was going on? Fear sank it's fangs into her neck as she whipped her hair up and clipped it -- as she dropped her clothes unable to think of changing when the world was beginning to shake. The tremble was low, a thrumming as quiet as cat's purr, but it was real, and she could feel it. Frightened, she burst free of the bathroom, still in her wet clothes.
Running down the hall toward her room, the fingers on her right hand slid along the wall; there, again! A trembling that peaked into terrible groaning sound. Remembering that from before, not knowing it for what it was, her eyes were wide when she nearly kicked the door in, her eyes wild and afraid, "Do you feel that?" but the last syllable is hissed between her lips as she grips at the door frame. Only Luke's normalcy keeps her from utter panic as she looks at him, her breath seeming to stop altogether. The building groans again, the floorboards hidden by the carpet shuddering and cracking, breaking beneath the combined force of the water and the wind -- who knew what else was going on. The floor between them sinks in, held together only by the strength of carpet, straining from where it had been stapled to the floor-boards in the corners of the room. Weight kept everything together; Rin's eyes become black pits, unable to calm as her fingers, clutching at the door, turn whiter than usual. "This...this is bad." and her voice is shaking, along with her body; quivering, like a deer on the verge of flight, she takes a step back, tendons straining in her neck as she tenses, frightened.
So bad, so bad --- but she is unaware of the force gushing beneath them, of the hallway, which was the most dangerous of them all. Completely unaware of the danger, of the trouble, of the chaos about to let loose, she steps back as the floor gives out beneath her; she jolts downward, hanging in one brief, frightening moment as the carpet holds her up. "Oh god" A whisper, a child speaking. -- She goes to jump forward, but she is too slow in her fear, and the carpet rips beneath her feet, cement blocks unhinging, eroded by the sheer force of the water inside of the dorms. She doesn't even look up -- she is too scared as she falls, as the wood beneath the carpet cuts into her; she is falling, into chaos, into darkness, into the nightmare she had always believed in, but everyone told her to give up.
There is only the sound of water drumming in her ears, of her breath as it gasps out of her lungs in a panic. She can't swim, she can't swim! Feeling as if the world is turning backward, as if Time is finally taking notice of her, she flails and moves, her screams drowned out by memory, by the taste of water in her mouth, but the cement blocks and wooden planks and bits of carpet which had accompanied her on the fall. Death would have laughed -- how fitting this misfit pup finally getting what all impure breeds must: drowned with an unmerciful hand.
[/size] word count;; 1346 tags;; Ollie!!! OOC;; holy o.o
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Post by Luke Bowers on Jul 23, 2010 14:30:17 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
Luke split the cards into two halves and then mixed them together. After a second time, he looked up at the door. Nobody. She didn’t take that long to dress in a hurricane, did she? He had half a mind to go and check on her to make sure she was okay. He couldn’t very well look after her if he couldn’t even see her. From here, he wouldn’t even know if something had happened. After a moment more, he put the cards down and started to get up when the building shook underneath him. It was not a feeling he was going to get used to, even though the building had been shaking on and off since the hurricane started. This one wasn’t quite as bad as the others. He kept picturing the building falling apart, even though that wasn’t optimistic thinking. He didn’t voice it out loud for Rins sake, although he doubted she was thinking much differently. Then again, they said when you think something out loud, it becomes true.
The trembling building came again as she burst into the room and he looked up. Do you feel that? He nodded slightly and held his breath. Cracking noise erupted somewhere under their feet – as if the floor was slowly giving in and was going to crash into pieces any minute. He slowly let his breath out, still trying to breathe quietly so he could hear. ”Don’t make any sudden movements,” he said quietly, slowly getting to his feet. His heart pounded against his chest as he heard more cracking noise and his breathing began to pick up. Don’t panic, don’t panic. He took a small step forward and she steps back. The floor gives in, threatening to toss her off balance and into the water below. As the carpet rips under pressure, he jumped forward to try and grab onto her, but it was too late as she quickly fell to the flooded floor below.
His body crashed to the floor and he looked down into the hole in time to see a splash where she had landed. ”Rin!” Luke glanced around for any sign of her and then bent down in front of the hole in the floor so that his legs and feet were hanging inside of it. Damnit. She can’t swim. He really hoped she wasn’t right below him and he didn’t want to risk running back to the stairs. His hands grasped at the floor that was still intact and lowered himself in, just enough so that he wouldn’t hurt himself on the drop through. Taking a deep breath, he let go and fell through to the water below. The drop didn’t seem to take as long as he thought it would feel like. There was a small sting against his skin as he hit the water. He quickly pushed his arms and legs against the water to pull himself to the surface.
As he made it to the top and breathed in air, he wildly glanced around. She would likely be under water – he knew this much. He struggled against the current pushing towards the end of the hallway; suddenly that gave him an idea. Luke took a deep breath and then dove back under the water, towards the end of the hallway. She couldn’t swim, so that was more than likely where she would be. He squint his eyes into the water as he looked around; it wasn’t very clear, but at least he would be able to make her out. Not too far off, he could make out her figure in the water. It was hard to tell whether she was the one moving or if it was the water moving her. It was hard for him to hold his breath too long when in panic mode, but he had to try. He pushed through the water easily enough since he was going with it, rather than against it. As he swam into range of her, he reached one arm forward and wrapped it around her and used all of his strength to swim towards air.
His head pushed through the water and he gasped at the oxygen, sucking it into his lungs as the water pushed him back towards the wall. He brought his hand out just in time to stop himself from smacking right into the wall. ”Rin?” He held her tightly with his right arm as he started moving along the wall. Stuff was floating underneath his feet, but he couldn’t tell what it was. Just as he made it towards the end of the back wall, the lights flickered out. It was a wonder they hadn’t gone out before. He rested his head against the wall, trying to catch his breath. ”Are you okay?” With everything going on the way it was, he couldn’t tell if she was even conscious. He took another deep breath and pushed off from the wall. His free arm and legs powered through the water to the stairs and his hand grasped at the railing.
It wasn’t an easy task to pull himself to it, but he managed to make it onto the steps. He splashed through the water on the stairs as he pulled her to the top where it was still dry. His felt around on the floor to make sure it was clear before he gently laid her down onto it. As if it wasn’t bad enough, he couldn’t even see anything now. His hand fell onto her arm and he moved it up towards her shoulder, blindly feeling around for her face. His fingers grazed her cheek and he moved up to her lips. He tilted her head, covered her nose so the air wouldn’t come out, and attempted to breathe into her to push any water out. One. Two. He pulled away and checked for a pulse. He was not the most experienced person with CPR and even more than that, it was much worse doing it in the dark.
tagged , Rin<3words , 1004lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , Previous posts. notes , I wasn’t sure if you wanted her unconscious or not, so I tried to leave it so you can choose. By all means, she can slap him if she wasn’t, lol.credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Jul 24, 2010 2:26:10 GMT -4
It is all a matter of motions, of flailing and groaning and crying. It is about lights flickering overhead, of the surging water in her ears -- it is force pulling at her hair, whipping away the clip which had kept her hair from her face. It is the noise, the breath, the terror. There is no action to be taken: she cannot keep herself afloat; she cannot fight against something embedded so deeply in her psyche. She is without hope, lost along the deeper currents that spill forward toward the steps and invert. Rin is being pulled, and she does not fight it; she does not even think to fight it -- there is only this moment, only this little bit of eternity as her breath expands her lungs to a tightened, aching, fullness.
There is only the thought of her brother, only the thought of Murazar, that damnable man, that terrible, inescapable death he held between his hands. She suffered, holding onto the hurt, unable to let it go, as she was unable to let go of anything else.
The waters rose up over her head again; it tasted metallic, and filthy on her tongue -- she is only remembering the pain, only remembering the black spots that dance before her eyes, that turn red when she can no longer see straight.... or is that reality? Is this the way the world is shifting and bending before her? Dreaming, living -- it is nothing to the rest of the world, this little bit of life in between glimpses of a dream manifested in the very brain, the very soul projecting it's wants and desires on the physical body. Rin is burning inside, though the water is so cold, though it is a hand that has closed tight around her rib cage and is shaking her around like a baby's toy. Without weight, without motivation, she is the rag doll that is bounced from one wall to the next, caught in a motion she does not understand; is that the floor beneath her knees? Or is she upside down?
Nothing makes sense anymore, but little moments of air that come in with the water -- the hard hand which pushes her down again. She cries out, but it is a hoarse little squeak, caught in the curve of her throat. She is hurting, emotionally, physically. She is scared, a child come to realize that this is the end, yes, yes, this will be the end of her, the end of everything she has tried to run away from. Millions of miles away from home, and she is still drowning -- she is still drifting, lost at sea.
Was she addicted to this loss? How many seconds blurred out before her? When did each harsh thrash of her heart become slow, steady, a pulse that threaded outward with little will? Black, black -- these spots were no longer spots, but a dark tunnel that spanned out in front of her: hands reached out for her, but she did not distinguish them. Was it memory, or was it someone coming to save her? Was she worth saving? Others let fear take over; Rin let the despair open up a gaping wound inside -- even as she is hitched up over the surface of the water, her body pressed tight to Luke's. He holds on so tight she may bruise -- but Rin is lingering in a limbo she should never have reached. She seeks the end, in her heart, seeks to rolls over onto her back and expose belly and throat, expose all those little bits of vulnerability and let death have it's way with her.
She is a murderer. She is unwanted. In the cold kiss of the water, she knows her father. In the thrashing of currents, she knows the fear her brother must have felt when he lifted his eyes up to her, and still died, little fingers wrapped in her fur. Hauled through the waters, through the dust and the grime and the misery, Luke did what no one would have thought to do: save her. He reached down and grabbed her, held her, brought her to safety though she felt nothing, heard only the churning of water drumming at her ear: a pulse that did not match her quiet little palpitations.
Darkness becomes her world; sorrow, the salt on her tongue, mixing with the tears she does not shed. Unconsciousness has pulled her into it's arms -- but there is a touch on her body that should awaken her, a desperation that calls to her. He is as cold as she is: there is no warmth in the touch of his lips against hers, only death, only the cold -- and Rin is turning away from it, frightened of it; she does not want to remember this touch, does not want anything to do with being seen, with being noticed. Better to be forgotten here, to be dead -- a casualty that no one would think twice about. What was her name? Would they remember it? No, no -- they would only smile faintly when the place was rebuilt, when the paint had finally dried and forget this horrible event, this noncommittal moment when she refused the breath in her lungs.
But life is a force that will not be denied: it strangles her as Luke pushes against her lungs, forces the water to choke up into her mouth -- there is a sensation of falling, vertigo so severe she lurches upward, choking, hating, crying -- darkness all around, fear to impossible to ignore. She hates him for bringing her back, but is too afraid to face those who had already died by her fangs, and so continues on living. He is so close, too close -- but his breath tingles her nose, his scent, muted by sea-water and rainfall does not remind her of anything she wants to forget. Luke is all she has, and she reaches out, as one traitorous tear burns through her like acid. Rin only thinks of the fear, of the seething knot of fury inside of her that frightens her, of the trauma of the water, of a father she had always feared, of a mother she barely barely remembers -- her head is too full, her heart is bursting.
It is only a small step from reaching out in the dark where eyes are hidden, where there is only touch and sound, and smell; sight blinds you, embarrasses you -- in the dark, she reaches out for him, her arms slipping around his neck as her breath catches and she coughs and cries and sobs, like a little girl unable to take it anymore. "Don't let go, don't let go, don't let go." over and over, a whispered, hoarse sound tumbling over her tongue and lip as she clings to him, tensed and bruised, wet and cold. There is no warmth to be had between there bodies; only this harsh sound of her voice, the churning of the water lapping angrily at the stairs it cannot reach. Reality slurs around before her in the dark, melting together with visions of a past she had always imagined. It is Luke that fills her nose, but she cannot help the glimpses of another pair of eyes which surface, sad and petrified, betrayed by the very sister who had promised never to hurt him. "Don't leave me here. Don't be afraid of me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." and the tears only melt the colors together, tension quivering through her muscles as if she were some instrument played by the wind. "I'll be better, I promise. I'll try, just don't let go, don't leave."
But Rin is talking to a ghost in the past, a closed off world she would never be able to reach no matter how hot the fire burned in the Wolf. It is Luke who is before her, yes, yes, it is Luke who has saved her, but this impossible body she wants to clutch to her tightly will never be before her again. She stills remembers the merciless black eyes as her brothers pull back her father, as she lifts up from the water, near death and choking; she still remembers the silence, the hatred and loathing sharp on her skin as he spits at her and walks out of her life. Yes, it is the dark which has opened up her heart, but it is the dark which is going to devour her rationality. It is the dark which laughs at the girl, and spites the Wolf. It is the dark, yes, this dark, vibrating against her skin, which chills her to the bone and reminds her of nothing but death.
[/size] word count;; 1467 tags;; Ollie-luffs OOC;; Sorry for the length! O.O
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Post by Luke Bowers on Jul 28, 2010 0:55:58 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
He hadn’t realized how long he had been holding his breath until she choked up the water from her lungs and it all came rushing out of his. ”Thank God,” he whispered, mostly to himself as he felt relief flush over him. His hands reached up to wipe water away from his face. He felt her arms slip around his neck and he held her close. Her skin was just as cold as his was; wet and cold. The clothes he had changed into to have a dry pair were now soaked just like his other ones. Luke could hear her crying as he held her and telling him to not let go. Repeating it, somewhat like she had before. Sometimes he felt a little helpless, but mostly he just thought of himself as “there.” That’s just how it was. Most things in his life didn’t make since, so he wasn’t about to try and figure this one out. ”Shh, it’s okay. I’m not going to let you go.”
He could actually feel an aching inside of his chest as she broke down – the first time she had actually cried in front of him. The other times she had tried her best not to. It really made him feel bad and wish he could make it all go away. Luke was not even that type of person usually. He wasn’t cold-hearted, but he just usually didn’t feel that way. It felt weird for him to experience it now. Part of him didn’t want her to cry, and he wanted to tell her that too. He didn’t want her to cry, because of the way it made him feel. But at the same time, part of him felt like she just needed to get it out.
He wrapped his left arm further around her back and his right under the bend of her knees as he slowly pulled himself to his feet and her with him. He usually had to think about what she was saying and whether she was actually talking to him, because at times she said stuff that wasn’t meant for him. As a matter of fact, she said stuff to a person that wasn’t even around them. That was how he knew that all of the stuff that happened didn’t all have to do with Murazar. It was worse then that, but yet again he didn’t know what. Luke was pretty used to not understanding, though. And he was used to putting the pieces together in his head, but there were always those missing pieces. Not lost – just unfound.
His skin shook slightly from being cold and he clamped down on his teeth to keep them from chattering. Honestly he was half glad that the lights were off, because he was afraid to see what either of them looked like at the moment. Not only that, but his eyes were stinging; he wasn’t sure if that was from the salt water or because he was actually tearing up at the thought of her almost drowning. He walked down the hallway, trying the handles on the doors to see if he could find one that wasn’t locked. His eyes fell onto the hole in the floor that had given in. Things had actually been going semi-decent for a few minutes until that had happened.
Life didn’t want things to be decent, though. It wanted it to be wild and crazy. It wanted it to be confusing and difficult. And it was all of those things; it had succeeded. But that didn’t mean they had to give up. He would let Rin know of this too, but he figured it was best if she had calmed down a little and wasn’t in the current state she was in. She was still talking, mostly to herself he guessed, when he found a door that was unlocked. He pushed it open with his foot and walked inside.
”Oh, Rin,” he said quietly, pulling her closer against him. ”I’m not going to leave you. Don’t worry about that.” He carefully bent down and picked up the nearest blanket and walked back out of the room. It pulled along the floor, following him to the end of the hallway. They seemed to have the worst luck everywhere, but more so in a room than in the hall. So he had chosen that as the place they were going to stay, because they really didn’t want or need anything else to happen to them. Not unless it was something good, like the hurricane going away. He let the blanket fall to the ground as he turned his back to the wall and slid down to the floor. ”I told you I wouldn’t let you drown,” he said, reaching up and wiping the tears from her cheeks. Luke reached over and picked up the blanket, wrapping it around them so that they wouldn’t catch something that could make them sick.
tagged , Rin.<3words , 825lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , Our previous posts and RED. notes , None.credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Jul 31, 2010 17:23:25 GMT -4
Rin was lost amidst the scents of his skin, of the sound of his breath, of his heartbeat measured in a slow, beautiful motion -- she was mesmerized by the smallest things as the world tipped sideways; she could no longer pretend to be what she was not, and so fell headlong into the triviality of their situation. The feeling of his clothes under her clinging hands comforted her: it meant she was real, that she was not some made up fiction left to hang on the gallows. It meant that death had not made a claim on her just yet, that she was still filled with life. Yes, there was pain: her lungs burned, her heart was shattering her ribcage with it's convulsions... but she treasured the feelings of pain. Like a masochist looking for the next insult to hit home, she sought the path to her most painful memories, swam in the darkness of her blurring consciousness.
Reality was slurring with her words -- her voice becoming a whisper, a small little drone that led on and on until her next breath could yield no more words. How many times can someone say they were sorry before the dead forgave the living? How many times must she give herself over to this agony before she realized the dead no longer cared? Things weren't so simple; they could not be erased simply because of a heroic jump to rescue her from her nightmare. Rin would no more wake up with a smile of peace than she could turn into a kitten instead of the Wolf. With nothing left but this little bit of imagination, this little bit of truth buried amongst the lies of her confidence, threading through the conscious mind of the Wolf ... she was truly, utterly alone.
It was oddly gratifying to know she had gotten what she deserved: that she had plunged headlong into her most wretched fear, to know that she was so close to death she could have tasted it's breath on her face --- Rin realizes as Luke lifts her and carries her up the stairs that she should have died, that by some miracle, by some streak of need in Luke's life, he had done what he should never have done. That he, in his kindness (of course) had revived the garbage and knotted the soul tight to it. She lingered there now, in this ambivalent pain, feeling the throbbing of a deep wound that touched her innermost heart. She had betrayed herself, and could not be forgiven.
So Rin, the cold one that burned and burned in a fire of her own hell smiled ever so slightly as the jarring motion of the wall signified the end of their motion -- the world ceased it's strenuous tilt, leaving her curled up before him, covered by the ends of the blanket. But she was not herself. --- there is a point when the heart can no longer take the pain, when the body and mind supersede even emotional turmoil: it is a quiet place, full of static noise, ubiquitous and frightening. It was the place she found herself, detached from herself as if the mind had projected itself far, far away, unable to cope with this numbing agony.
Memories crowded her, a string of perfume-impressions wafting through her nose, triggering hysteria in all it's worst forms; she shook, her trembling unable to quiet as she lifted her hand before her, curled so quietly. Fingertips and hand, connected to the narrowness of her wrist -- these things trembled, but they were not part of her; the numbness had crept so far. "I killed him," a pause, ever so slight, "Taro, my little brother. And Kimi, my sister. That's why I can't be near water." Luke had wiped away her tears, but they were impossible to stop -- but it did not matter; Rin was unaware of the cool streak that blurred her eyesight. Her chin rested on his shoulder -- what had he said? I told you I wouldn’t let you drown, but she could not remember when he had said it. Just moments ago? Or had it been hours? Time broke off of it's hinge and tumbled to a stop -- she smiled, hurting herself with this unusual delight in her agony. She deserved it after all, didn't she? "When I was thirteen, my father tried to kill me," so lighthearted her voice! So much pain, encased in ice. "Sometimes I think I should have died then." she snorts, breath aching in her sore lungs where the saltiness of the water had burned her. "It's kinda funny isn't it?" her hand lifts, watching her hands shake and tremble, unable to stop it, unable to even feel it. So detached, so hateful. "That I actually want to be with people who hate me. But --" she drops her hand. "That's what family is, isn't it? You can't abandon them. Or at least," she becomes wistful, aware of the one-sided affection, "I can't."
Rin's sight blurs into streaks of black, the vague outline of his face disappearing behind the pain of the tears which come faster, bursting forth as she realizes, so clearly, how dreadful it is to want something that doesn't want you back. "I guess it's a knack," but she is whispering now, sniffling slightly as her arms encircle him again, unable to bear feeling so alone. "Murazar did it, too."
[/size] word count;; 911 (ah... >>') tags;; Ollie----! OOC;; POSTING! and she's opening up! In her own, albeit weird, way.
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Post by Luke Bowers on Aug 3, 2010 9:46:18 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
The blanket coiled around them would get wet before long, but not so much that it couldn’t dry. He hoped it would, because he didn’t want to move again. Not unless he absolutely had to – like in an emergency situation. The girl in his arms – Rin- was already traumatized as it was and the more bad things that happened, the worse it got. His fingers wound themselves in the cloth of the blanket as he pulled it the rest of the way around them. He didn’t guess that pure exhaustion would hit him until later on, but it might come sooner than later with a blanket. He looked down at his shirt which was still clinging to his body, except for the part where her hand was clinging to his shirt. The shorts were soaked, but at least they were shorts and not pants this time. And he hadn’t realized that he was barefoot – his shoes were back in the room which had a big hole in it and it was probably near impossible to reach the other side now.
Luke wondered if this was the point where it fell into total silence. He could talk, but she didn’t always reply to him. Especially when she was in a certain state -like the one she was currently in. Then again he could just talk about nothing just to talk, but it was probably better if he just let her fall asleep. If that was possible for her, since he wasn’t sure if he could with the building constantly shaking. He noticed it wasn’t as bad as before and wondered if they were in the eye of the storm or if it was almost over. Now he could just imagine the floor breaking through under them or somewhere close by, but he hoped that wouldn’t happen again. He wondered if she had wanted to live. Had she wanted him to save her? Luke didn’t think she was suicidal, but with whatever burden she seemed to be carrying around, maybe she didn’t want to live sometimes.
He had already come to terms that he needed her. Did she feel like she needed him too? Luke thought she did. Twice now she had. Last time they hadn’t really been all that close, but that feeling he had towards her made him want to comfort her. That didn’t change the awkwardness that it had been or the fact that he hadn’t really known what t do. In the end, she had still ran out on him. It had probably been awkward for her too. He hadn’t jumped in to save her selfishly, for himself. If he could help it, he wouldn’t have let anybody drown in that water, but he did it for other reasons too. They were friends now. It was a slow process of trust and understanding, but that didn’t stop it.
When he came out of his thoughts, he found himself staring down the hall. At nothing, really. He realized he had been staring off into space and blinked several times. Her hand pulled away from his shirt and he looked down at her. She began to speak before he could, unexpectedly. She dumped that mystery on him and he wondered if she would have shared it if they had been in a different situation. But he was glad she was sharing it, for whatever reason. It was a secret behind a secret – a missing chunk out of the puzzle pieces he was trying to put together to understand her.
He watched as she lifted her hand momentarily and then dropped it again. But she continued speaking through the movement. He could understand that. Something such as killing someone, especially family, was not an easy thing to deal with. He nodded, remembering back when he had said family was nothing. Mostly he had said it out of anger towards his parents, but he knew that wasn’t really true. Maybe they weren’t always trustworthy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still need them. He had gotten an email from them telling him that Toby had been born. He was only a few weeks old now. Tears streaked down her cheeks, ones there was no point in wiping away since they would keep coming. ”Why did your father try to kill you?” His own probably wouldn’t ever have tried to do that. He held her close as her arms wrapped around him again.
” Was it an accident?” he asked. It was possible for someone to feel guilty even through accidents. He didn’t want to bombard her with why’s, even though she probably asked herself “why” about a lot of stuff. Luke leaned his head back against the cool wall and looked up at the ceiling. ”I think this is where a lot of people start sharing the bad stuff about them. One says something and then the other person shares something. But” He looked down toward the stairs at the end of the hallway. No water. “I don’t really have anything to share.” In a lighter situation, he might have said that his life had been pretty boring. That would have been offensive in this situation. A boring past was better than what she had to deal with, right? He paused and closed his eyes for a moment. ”I think they forgive you.”
tagged , Rin! words , 892lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , By Your Side – Tenth Avenue North notes , Yay for opening up. I had a lot of trouble coding this post for some reason, lol.credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Aug 4, 2010 0:49:18 GMT -4
Everything was moving slowly; the way she breathed, the darkness swimming behind her eyes -- there were shadows there, flickering in and out of existence, shuffling their ghostly feet along the path from her heart. There is a line, there, so quiet, so slow, pulsing, moving -- the eyes the windows to the soul, to the heart, and it was there that the anguish was released, that the torment of her burden seemed to surge forward like a rolling wave. Back and forth, constantly slipping over her skin, shifting her forward, then back, then forward again -- there was no escape from the wound that had been dealt, the scar that had been left haphazardly healed. Maggots squirmed in the flesh, and she was squirming with them.
Why did she speak? What force had made her tongue unravel from this silence, from the heaviness in her heart? Did it matter? It was done, already -- but there was no release. She spoke, because she felt there was nothing left after this moment. There was nothing but the drowning -- nothing left of the fire but the sludge of ashes swept away by the river of her tears. Rin, powerful, untameable Rin -- she was cold now, her deepest self withered away to a slither of this awful truth. The Wolf had needed a pillar, a pack to rely on; so, too, did Rin need someone, anyone there -- someone within reach, to become a face, a scent, a taste that she knew.
It had to be someone, yes, this someone who distinguished themselves from the darkness of her memories -- they had to be fire, to sparkle and flicker in the dark, unharmed by the cold; it was his heat which had drawn her, and perhaps his kindness, or his passivity which had chained her here. Rin had chosen life, hadn't she?
With a terrible smile on her face she had rejected the ghosts in her heart, unable to face them, and turned instead toward that light, that brilliance -- had wrapped her arms around it, and still did, even now. Taro glimmered in her mind's eyes, face torn, mouth agape with that silent scream: she still felt his fingers knotting in her fur, holding onto her even as her jaws slipped down to revel in the gushing of his blood, of his life. Kimi was cold.
Rin, even colder.
Why did your father try to kill you? Was it an accident? -- his voice, from faraway, touching her, drawing her back from the slow thrumming of death, of despair that tasted like salt and ash. Her eyelids tremble, lashes fluttering like bird's wings against her skin as she struggles to open her eyes, to look at him, to do anything at all but remain in this awful, condemning stillness. Rin wanted to cry out, to make him hear that she hadn't meant to do it, that it had been she, yes, that fucking, terrible she -- that she which haunted her nightmares, that had become the only drug to sedate the guilt. So many things, so many reasons -- finally a moment to let them slip off of her tongue. Finally a moment to whisper in the dark unseen, but heard -- yes, yes, heard at last. She wasn't a monster, please, don't believe that. Don't think such horrible things. The beast moved her hand, moved her heart and her breath, but it didn't make her a monster, didn't mean that Rin of this very moment was a spawn of terror. It didn't mean that the Rin that wanted so badly to speak, but feared to burden him with her words, was a bad person at all.
Muscles turned under her cheek as his skin stretched and moved; he looked down the hall, and she only felt the vague direction of his motion. There was warmth, so slowly growing between them -- gathering between the friction of their heartbeats, thrumming through the terror of her words, and the acceptance of his momentary silence. I think this is where a lot of people start sharing the bad stuff about them. One says something and then the other person shares something. But I don’t really have anything to share, No, no -- she didn't mean it that way. Didn't mean to look through his past at all.
Her fingers uncurl from his shirt, straightening where she had been held, her eyes trying impossibly to pierce through the shadows -- a vague outline, but even had the Wolf been with her, as it had always been with her (until now), she still would have struggled. What a morbid situation. Biting her lip, the anger rose like a puff of smoke: billowed up and disappeared. I think they forgive you.
Sayuri's heart shatters. Her hand rises up and scrubs away at the tears which had stained her cheeks; rubbing away the salt, the water, the sorrow -- throwing it away. Why speak? Why speak at all? Better in silence, better this way than to bare herself so thoroughly before him; better to try to find a semblance of strength than to be stripped to nothing. She shifts her weight and rises up off of him, shakily -- her muscles are jelly but she is stubborn. Her lungs burn -- but she must keep breathing. "No. They can't." hard words, laced with some untouched emotion. She dared not look deeply into it; better this bit of distance, yes, yes, better this than anything else; Rin staggers against the wall and holds herself up, peering down the hall, wondering, as always, why the darkness always reminded her of Taro's eyes.
Sweeping her hair up, she knotted it together to keep it back from her face, "There has to be something down this way, right?" but she is really speaking to herself, and slowly, so slowly -- like the pain ever increasing, ever expanding -- walks down the opposite end of the hall, away from the holes, from the gushing of water, away from it all; please, just let me get away. Her only wish, her only desire -- forever unmet.
[/size] word count;; 1029 tags;; Ollie OOC;; Stay and Drown -- Finger Eleven -__- Rin's muse went all adfijsodivjoijcsodijfosidjfs despairing/morbid. xD
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Post by Luke Bowers on Aug 4, 2010 22:45:52 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
No, she didn’t reply to any of the things he asked. It was just as he predicted. Apparently he had gotten lucky that she told him any of that stuff, as it obviously wasn’t on purpose. She didn’t want to talk about it. After each question, only silence as a reply. But she should have known if she said something, that he would have asked questions. Unless she had wanted him to not say anything at all. Luke guessed she would have thought he was ignoring her in that case, though. He wondered how many people would have given up by now. There was always that frustration in the back trying to claw its way out when he didn’t understand her. Even more when he tried to and failed. She had given him the gist of her horrible past, but wouldn’t answer his questions while he tried to understand it.
That was life, though. Not understanding. Some things were too hard to figure out on your own and you had to have help. Even through his frustrated attempts to understand and pretty much being ignored about it, he couldn’t exactly help it. He couldn’t help wanting to figure it out. It was like a new found mission, except more fragile. She slowly climbed off of him. He watched quietly as she shakily stood, almost like she might collapse back to the floor. His hands fell to his lap as he sat and waited to see what she was planning on doing. ”Why can’t they?” he asked as she countered him.” I think you don’t think they can, because you haven’t forgiven yourself.” She slowly made her way to the wall, using it to hold herself steady. ”Are you sure you can walk right now?” Apparently her mind was made up, though. He reached one hand over to grab the blanket and then stood up. He situated the blanket so that it wouldn’t be dragging along the floor and then followed behind.
But he wasn’t planning on letting her avoid him so easily with his questions. She did that a lot and all of this wondering was eating him inside out. ”You know, they say it’s hard for someone to get better in situations like these until they forgive themselves.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down the dark hallway. Most people didn’t leave their things lying around in the middle of the hall, so he figured there wouldn’t be anything for him to trip over. Although he imagined that might lighten the situation a little bit, or bet yet- distract her from answering him. As he slowly followed her down the hall, he peered into the open doors of the rooms. Of course it was too dark to see anything, but if anybody was still in the dorms, maybe they would be talking.
The rest of their night might have gone pretty well if the floor hadn’t fallen through. They should have just played cards like he planned. Or something peaceful like that. Although with the lights going in and out, they wouldn’t be able to see what they were holding anyways. ”I think we could use a pair of flashlights.” Half of him was talking to her, but he was mostly thinking out loud. Maybe if they were more playful people, and possibly a bit younger, they could just make believe they were in a freaking cave searching for treasure. A cave that wasn’t rocky, but rectangular with smooth walls and lots of doors and a few windows. It was also filled with people’s crap and there was a raging storm outside, but it didn’t seem to be as bad as before. ”Where are we going exactly?” he asked, trying to peer through the darkness. ”And what are we looking for?’ She probably didn’t know the answer to either, since he figured she was just trying to get away from answering his questions.
tagged , Rin! words , 657lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , Nothing really. notes , Well this kind of sucks. I hope he doesn’t sound “too” angry, lol. I had a small argument with someone and was trying to keep it out of my post.credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Aug 4, 2010 23:23:23 GMT -4
He didn't know, couldn't possibly know -- but the not-knowing infuriated her, aggravated the seething hurt beneath all of the guilt. She was a creature bound by her own emotions, of course -- yes so, right his words hitting her like bricks, bruising the skin, grounding the bone into dust. So free -- she was but a mockery of everything she believed in, a walking hypocrisy that threw away all of the world for her own hurt and pain. But it had always been that way: she would either go under, or run... and so the Wolf had led her past the barrier of pain, toward a place where the shadows of her doubt could never breach.
Yes, yes, that fire, that untouchable, molten light that usually glittered in her eyes, that beast which surged forward, palpable and strong -- this was the drug, this was the thing that separated her from her nightmare. He wanted to know so badly? Why did it matter? Why had she opened her mouth? There are moment suspended in time where decisions should be considered carefully -- this one, this false step int he wrong direction had stung her, and she was tired of feeling as if everything were her own fault.
Taro had died. Kimi had died. Rin had almost died -- but she was here, right? She was still alive, right? His fingers were digging into her soul, through her barrier as if it were nothing but mist to him; he pulled, opening the door, baring her, destroying her. The fire stirred, that sludge of embers thrumming ever so slightly with her own heartbeat -- oh darling creature, come, come: Rin was calling to the Wolf now, desperately, with every little bit of desire that she had ever thought to feel. Regressing.
There would be no moving forward now -- but a step back into safety, into the comfortable fire of the Wolf's terrible mania. Bring chaos, stir the stagnant waters of this wretched guilt -- Rin wanted light, hated that she was in the dark, where her emotions were overruling the one thing she had learned: never let the weakness show. He was following her, talking to her, prying through the door, breaking down the defenses as quickly as she was trying to put them up -- and the dead embers began to quicken, throbbing with the memory of heat, the fierce edge of her longing. The Wolf was a vain creature; would it come when Rin realized how powerful she was? How enamored she was of it's merciless gaze?
Why can’t they? -- he is asking, looking through her, through the flaws, through the need to simply leave it all behind, yet unwilling to let go with her heart. I think you don’t think they can, because you haven’t forgiven yourself.
[/i] A pause, as he seems to become aware of the physicality of it all, Are you sure you can walk right now?[/i] Yes, she ignored him -- her teeth were gritted against him, struggling to remain impassive and failing so miserably, so horribly. He speaks again, as if by constantly reminding her of what she was already keenly aware of, he would get his response. You know, they say it’s hard for someone to get better in situations like these until they forgive themselves. Rin pictured the faces of her brother and sister, pictured the faces of her father, of a mother who could barely stand to meet her gaze -- brought to life a memory of her first day here, and the ones proceeding them; so many faces, so many scents cataloged in her mind, cemented in her nose -- but they were all so distance, and though she could recall them, they were still fading. The urge to remember was quickly dying within her; the embers trembled to life, a spark in the midst of all that is ubiquitous. The flame is small, but the Wolf is so close -- Rin closes her eyes and feels the brush of fur against her inside, feeling it's growling purr rub her bones together. Marrow hissed and oozed, blood began to boil, yes, yes, this feeling she had lost; so many she had hurt without meaning to, but if she could just let go, be the Wolf, only the Wolf -- and lose herself so thoroughly there was no shadow of Rin perhaps then she would be at peace. Her fingers seek to knot in the Wolf's fur, her face buried against it's neck -- warmth licks along her hands and face, tickling her heart. Perhaps Luke was not angry, but his persistence frightened her, and with the fear came the howl of triumph as the Wolf ripped through Rin's psyche -- she did not whirl or anything so dramatic. There was only silence, so heavy and thick it seemed to gather between them as he spoke, asking and asking, refusing the silence, refusing the space. There was only the anger which sharpened it's edge against his own frustration -- this was the action which had first attracted the Wolf, which had silenced Rin in her fascination. Now, it merely provoked; now, her voice slipped over her tongue on the tide of a growl, growing out of the darkness, eyes dilated to pin points despite the lack of light. "Why should I forgive myself?[/b]" there is brutal honesty which must be met. A man accidentally drives into a kid on a bike, and goes to jail for several years; Rin has committed murder, and she has the right to live. Her head moves, giving him her profile as her eye slips to the side as if she could see through the dark, though she cannot. " Why forget? The moment you forget, you do it again. He was pack. Are you saying it would be alright if I slipped my fangs over your throat and took what life you had?" she snorts, derisive as her head snaps forward again, " Or would you trust that I wouldn't do it? Because he definitely thought I would stop. He looked at me throughthe Wolf's eyes and saw Sayuri." so hot the flame within her chest, mingled with fresh grief, and that remembered relief at the Wolf's presence -- that first time, at once terror and joy, and she would feel guilty because of it for the rest of her life. " I didn't stop though. I saw him, Luke. I saw him, remember him, but couldn't stop myself. I won't forgive myself." [/color][/size] word count;; 1092 tags;; Ollie ^-^ OOC;; Oh nos! I hope things work out for you. Sidenote: I definitely didn't proof read >.< I'm too tired.
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Post by Luke Bowers on Aug 11, 2010 23:57:09 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
The conversation, if you could call it that, was not an easy topic for her. He knew that. But how was he supposed to know or understand anything if she wouldn’t talk to him? Plus he didn’t want to spend the rest of the time in complete silence. He was finding it really odd how they honestly seemed to be the only students in the dorm building now. If there had been any left, surely they would have heard the floor fall through and came running earlier. He had almost forgotten about how they ended up there before the storm. Luke had already been there and so had that little annoying boy. If he hadn’t sent him out, he would probably be looking after him right now. But when Rin showed up, he had shoved the kid out. Hopefully he had been smart enough to go indoors when the storm came. More than likely he had already found the person he had been looking for.
Most everybody else was probably in a much better situation than they were. Luckily something hadn’t happened that caused a lot of blood loss or anything like that. Rin nearly drowning was as close to a life-or-death situation that he wanted to get to. Now they were just walking down a dark hallway for no real reason, to avoid a conversation that he almost didn’t want to start. It wasn’t as easy topic or an enjoyable one for either of them. But he didn’t like when her life revolved around problems that she wouldn’t even talk to him about. He wished he could be the one she went to and he never wondered, just comforted. But he found it hard to even attempt to make her feel better when he didn’t know what she was going to. She had told him a big chunk of it, but making her go into an explanation was even harder.
Even now she seemed to regret telling him anything. He wanted to be there for her, but he didn’t want to be left in the dark the whole time. It was not being very realistic for him to try and convince himself that he wasn’t curious or that he didn’t want to help her, because he did. Her response was pretty harsh and incorporated the anger she was feeling into it. He wasn’t sure what kind of response of emotions he was expecting from her when and if she did answer him, but he was surprised all the same. Why forget? The moment you forget, you do it again. He was pack. Are you saying it would be alright if I slipped my fangs over your throat and took what life you had?
[/i] Luke flinched, but continued walking, trying to follow her voice to if she was still moving or if she had stopped. It hardly seemed like she had taken a breath before continuing. Or would you trust that I wouldn’t do it? Because[/i] he definitely thought I would stop.[/i] He looked at me through the Wolf’s eye and saw Sayuri.[/i] Luke held his hand out and slowly moved over until it touched the wall and he slowed even further in his movement. ”I never said forget – I said forgive.” There was a difference, even though she probably felt like neither one she could do. ”No, it doesn’t make it okay, but there’s still a difference if it was an accident. Most people don’t have control over their first shift, if it was yours. I’ve heard of others who have killed someone on during their shift. Most everyone else just got lucky that they either weren’t big enough to do any real damage or weren’t around anybody at the time.” Part of him felt like he was talking to the wall or to himself, because it was quiet in the hallway. The storm could hardly be heard outside of the building and what little bit could, only made the silence worse. It was hard to help her when he still didn’t understand it all. She made it out like it was an accident, so unless she corrected him, that’s how he would just talk to her about it. ”You can’t change the past and you know that. Your brother and sister know that what happened was not your fault. If you had really wanted to hurt them, you would have done it long before you had changed. They know that and you need to realize that you can’t punish yourself forever for something you had no control over. It would be wrong if you felt no remorse for what happened, but everybody can tell that you do, whether they understand the situation or not.” Luke sighed and stopped against the wall, rubbing his eyes. He turned his head back towards her general direction, which had to be the direction he had been moving in. ”Listen, I understand I’m not very good at this, okay? I’ve never had any real reason to comfort anybody, so I haven’t had a lot of practice at it. I never really even wanted to comfort anybody when they needed it until I met you.” His head fell back against the cool wall and he tried to listen for footsteps to see if she had stopped or not. ”You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. But the best way I know how to comfort someone involves knowing what’s going on with the person, and if you don’t trust me enough to tell me, then you’re going to get some rough attempts at me trying to help.” He was not the best with words, but somehow his comforting process involved him speaking. The majority of the time he wasn’t even sure what to say or how to express whatever he was feeling or wanted to say anyways. The only way he even knew she wanted comforting, or wanted someone around, was because she usually came to him after something happened or, he guessed, when she needed someone the most. Surprisingly this didn’t bother him, but he was still at a loss on how to help her if she didn’t work with him a little bit. [/size][/blockquote] tagged , Rin! words , 1036lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , Not sure exactly. notes , I already explained to you why it was late, so I won’t go into all of that again. I’m glad I finally was able to type this up in peace! He had to do so much talking in this post, lol. Btw, I like the new post header - it is new, right?credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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Natsumi Sayuri
Vocal Music Grade 10
An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist, but {ordinary} is just not good enough t o d a y
Posts: 418
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Post by Natsumi Sayuri on Aug 12, 2010 1:12:38 GMT -4
Little bits of sweat blurred with the salt and grime of the water; oceans surged rampantly forward, swallowing the world in oblique darkness. The storm raged over their heads, shaking it's hands in it's anger, it's gaping maw swallowing the island whole. Daylight, darkness -- timeless has become a slurring shade of grey that lingered between each painful breath, between each slippery touch of memory against her skin, opening up her heart with prying, hateful fingers. Perhaps Taro forgave her, perhaps Taro had never cared --- but it wasn't up to the dead to forgive the living. It was the murderer who must live with the guilt, with the horror, with the scent and taste so hungrily on their tongue. It was the hot, fiery dreams of the hunt which remembered, which dug the fangs of that emotional weapon deeper into her psyche.
The Wolf was a hot creature, slipping from one amorphous shape to the next, never given a wholesome, perfect shape: she was an imperfect creature full of strength, cunning, and desire: she ran beside the girl, showing with her black eyes a world without the grief that had become so burdensome. She showed a world where pain only existed in the physical touch of fangs ripping through your flank, of hooves cracking open ribs, of fangs slipping against the soft, gush of nose or eye. The Wolf was essentially an immortal creature, given form by some miraculous mutation in Rin's blood. She was the nightmare. She was the Goddess, the drug, at once loved and hated, adored and rejected.
In this moment, she was holding on tightly to the Wolf, so scared of Luke, so terrified of what it was he represented: a new chance, an opening into warmth again, to be under the sun again, away from the shadows she had buried herself. He offered the chance to be Sayuri again, to take a knife and cut away the Wolf's claims on her soul, to trust in herself without the Wolf's power -- it was intoxicating, unbelievable. Were these the thoughts that tamed the jaguar?
---- but even Rin knew the Jaguar was not tamed. As he was bound by fate and hunger, so too, was Rin, her neck taut as she lifted her gaze to the sky, the Wolf's silhouette against the backdrop of their soul. This was an impossible task, and one she felt she could not indulge in. There was too much need stretching between them, too much emotion so inexplicably interwoven: to sever one, would be to abandon the whole work of art. Would Rin be Rin without the Wolf? Or had she given up everything that was good about herself, and left it to the Wolf to devour and destroy?
She was violence, she was hatred, freedom, desperation -- while others simpered and fluttered their lashes, where they pouted and laughed and played games, here was Rin, dominating, rejecting the forms of the modern society and holding on so fastly to her own dreams. She was the girl who sang -- though no one had ever heard her voice. She was the girl who ran --- though no one ever saw the path she left in her wake. Had she become a shadow? An enigma?
There was so much of hope in his voice -- she stopped, how could she not? Back against the wall, head tilted back to look up at the sky, though it was all black, Rin felt as if hot rays of sunlight were trying to penetrate the deep shadow of the forest she had erected around her. In the dark, she was safe -- in the light, her imperfections only cast expectations. Tightness welled in her chest: she was a knot of problems, all weaving through one impossible complex to the next, stumbling over black liquid eyes, and dangerously sweet smiles. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. But the best way I know how to comfort someone involves knowing what’s going on with the person, and if you don’t trust me enough to tell me, then you’re going to get some rough attempts at me trying to help.
[/i] How much pain can a person bear before it simply became too much? Had she already been pushed there, to that edge where the living never returned? Was she inches from jumping from that edge and becoming wholly Wolf? Wholly a creature of base desires and insatiable hunger? These are the questions that pained her, stuck against the walls like leeches and sucked the life that remained in her convictions. She crumbled beneath the silence which quietly filled in the void -- who knew what he did: but she could feel him like a fire banked in the midst of winter, warming her, sucking her into it's circle. She could not help but turn her face toward it, to know that there was something here, something she had found that she had begun to find precious. If only she could take the step, if only she could see the black pit for what it was: danger, not safety. Rin walked along a wasteland, dusted with bones of the dead, with memories as hollow as everything else that reverberated around her. " I'm afraid." she says, so quietly, it is almost as if she fears even speaking it. A Wolf cannot be afraid. The Strong cannot be Weak -- but she was a weak creature from the start. To evolve, to become anything but, she had to start walking, to look at the bones at her feet, to look into the hollow sockets of those skulls and let go. It was all it took -- that simple little flex of her fingers as she released these things ... but Rin feared forgetting more than anything else in the world. Being forgotten, forgetting what has truly happened -- was it delusion that remembered her father's smile, or was it truth? Hazy with hurt, with that sharp tightness of grief, and love and bitterness, she presses herself against the wall. " I don't want to forget him." -- her voice is subdued though the Wolf is pacing, thrashing, it's muzzle snapping at her as it pushes outward, trying to become omnipotent in her small little world of sorrows. Let her be the glorious Goddess -- it is all the whore wanted, all the dominance craved. How could this creature resemble Rin in any aspects? Deceit and cunning blurred the lines of Rin's biggest strengths, and warped them into extreme hatreds -- the Wolf's jaws rumbled with it's rising growl. So many thoughts, so many emotions, and yet there is no pause as the words begin to pour out, so slow, like tear drops, but steady, and growing only steadier, " I just don't understand," she confesses. With her weight against the wall, she slides down to sit against the floor again, knees curled up as she props her cheek against them, " I didn't mean to do it, I know that... but the Wolf, she... she is not sorry for it. I feel it," she touches her heart though she knows he probably will not see it. " She does not care for someone so weak -- she was full of hunger, and he had run. Kimi had run. I'm being punished for having this ....thing....living inside of me. I know it -- don't they say it in class? The shift is what we are, so tell me, Luke, what am I that I have something inside of me that wants only blood and freedom? What am I that I want to be near a family that hates me -- that I see someone and instantly I'm wondering if they are stronger or weaker than I am?" she pauses, elbow rising up to prop against her knee, fingers knotting in the front of her bangs, grimacing, " It was an accident, sure, fine, whatever... but it came out of me. It is me, and it didn't care that Taro trusted me, that Kimi had a field trip she wanted to go on the next week." Rin laughs, but it is not a real laugh -- it is a breath that hisses through her lips, derisive and self-loathing, " I don't even feel alive unless the Wolf is there, it's this addiction that I can't let go of. The idea of being without the Wolf is so scary. I'd rather die, than be alone, without even her to keep me warm." and true to form, the fingers she folded against her face were ice cold. [/color][/size] word count;; 1433 tags;; Ollie <33 OOC;; Sorry for how long it it >.< secondly, ITM rocks Rin's socks. thirdly, posting ftw x3
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Post by Luke Bowers on Aug 12, 2010 14:46:26 GMT -4
* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,
Luke could no longer hear her moving, so he began carefully walking again until he could feel her presence getting closer and then stopped. At this point he was afraid he would run right over her because he really couldn’t see. A jaguar could see pretty decent in the dark, and his own sight was good, but without being transformed, he still couldn’t really see anything. The best he could do was try to “feel” her close by. He almost didn’t hear the words coming out of her mouth, even as close by as he was. I’m afraid.
[/i] Luke nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. ”I understand. It’s okay to be afraid. Even the strongest animals and the strongest people get afraid once in awhile.” His voice was low, even though there was no real reason for him to speak quietly. It was still quiet in the hallway, though and he didn’t want his voice to echo. He leaned against the wall with his side and rested his head against the wall as he listened to the rain outside. Hopefully it was letting up, but he hated to see how the outside looked. That would take some fixing up for sure. His hand slid over the blanket that was partially dry now, but still wet from where they had been using it. The conversation, for the moment, had made him forget that he was still somewhat cold. He laughed – it was a dry laugh, but one all the same. ”I seem to be telling myself that I don’t understand all day every day.” It wasn’t a misunderstanding of one person or one thing, but of a lot of stuff he just couldn’t figure out. ”First off, I should remind you that you are only human. Just like the rest of us. It is not your fault that you can shift and it isn’t your fault if the Wolf doesn’t feel sorry about what happened.” He sat down on the floor, even though he knew she could be up to five footsteps in front of him. ”I don’t think your shift is what you are as much as saying it is a part of you. The majority of us have established that our inner animal does, to certain extent, seem to have a mind of its own. A wild wolf hardly understands the concept of feeling bad for something it did. No wild animal seems to understand that, and a lot of tame animals don’t either. But you are human and you do understand that.” He pulled the blanket from his shoulder and tossed it onto his lap. It was obvious the Jaguar was much quieter than the Wolf was. That was the way he liked it, because that’s what he was used to. He could feel its emotions more often than not, but it generally was not a big deal for him. ”You can still have the Wolf there without letting it control you. The way I see it, is that I was here before the Jaguar. If it were meant to control me, there would be a Jaguar on the outside permanently with a human on the inside. It’s obvious that if it had been possible for you to control it, you would have. You would have stopped what was happening. That’s why you can’t let the Wolf run you whole heartedly.”None of the things he was even telling her was something he had thought about before. He had never actually sat down and told himself these things. It was just a thing that he seemed to realize. But it actually dawned on him even more when he said it out loud. It was more of a realization. Much like when someone told you something you either don’t understand or you think you understand, and then about a week later or several hours later it suddenly hits you what they had meant. The same happened often times when he tried to share something with someone else. Just like now. Although he wasn’t sure if he was really making any sense or not, but he hoped she understood what he meant. ”The Wolf can never leave you completely. I’m sure the people that really hate shifting would have gotten rid of theirs a long time ago if they could. You don’t have to be afraid of taking control of it and you don’t have to be alone.” [/size][/blockquote] tagged , Rin<3 words , 738lyrics , run this town - jay-zmuse , Rin’s post.notes , Haha. The length is fine.credit , rora @ hos [/color][/center][/font]
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