all[that]I'm//AFTER//isa{life}fullofLAUGHTER;; RC

[Natsumi Sayuri]

Was it possible for her to ever move on from this obsession? Could she ever grow? Ever be able to spread her wings (ha, ha!) and shake off her inadequacies? Could she ever, when she needed it most, be able to overlook the flaws in her own self and see something beautiful instead? Rin was in agony, though her expression was stone, though her heart had begun to rot in her chest; though the world's colors had run together with the weight of her tears. Instead of brilliant light, instead of beautiful light and laughter, she was drowning, drowning, giving in to the weaknesses that stabilized the outrageous strengths in her nature. She was losing again, and she hated it; she was dying again, and the Wolf was pacing, snarling, it's fangs slipping down over the curve of her black, nefarious lips.

It was more than obsession, more than life, more than the simple liberty that everyone coveted in their souls; this love, this adoration she held for the beast inside of her would never die, would never go away. How many times has she tried since she had come here? How many times had she looked into Murazar's eyes and tried, for his sake, to be more of the girl and less of the Wolf? To be more than anything, as long as he didn't look at her like a specimen anymore? Death, violence and betrayal had led her true; the Wolf snarled, the reverberation harsh in her bones as she realized the extent of this agony: she had loved him in her own twisted, feral way, and he had tossed it aside for a weakling who folded under the might of her jaws. She had won, and yet in doing so, had lost. Would Rin ever fight again?

The Wolf snorted, it's ears flicking back over it's skull as it eyed the girl from the dark recesses of her consciousness: so real, so living, this feral energy that manifested amongst the scars and blood of her heart. It was the heat, the magnificence: she was everything great about Rin --- and yet no one ever noticed. They all feared for the girl, and tried to separate them, tying knots of control from one throat to the next -- telling Rin she could not let the beast free. Worse, telling Rin she could no longer be herself.

Tears burned along her nose, itching to release, to slip over the confines of her eyes, and down her face -- but she would not let them. Instead, with her shoulders hunched, her lips curled, she moved with a steady passion that beat in her ears: blood pulsed and swayed, her conviction are palpable as the heartbeat echoing in her ears. She and the Wolf -- they could never be separated. Together they would live, or together, yes, yes, together, they would die, and die well.

No more of this foolishness -- the Wolf gaped it's jaws in wolfish glee. Finally, finally: three years in the making, three and a half terrible, horrid months in this school and Rin was finally beginning to unearth her strength, was just beginning to hold the flame of her mettle between her palms and blow on it, feeding it her desire.

Yet there was doubt; was this simply another whimsical conviction to be broken the moment her habitual nature bared itself? The moment she had a space of a heartbeat to prove herself,wouldn't she simply strain herself and bend herself to fit into their perfect shape? The Wolf doubted, but loved the girl too dearly to resent; their relationship was as complicated as it was simple... there was nothing that could get in between them.

No hapless, cold teacher slipping his fingers in the psyche of the girl's heart and imagination; no mute acceptance from an otter that only half-guessed at her nature; no grey wolf seeking to hurt her in the only way she knew how; no Etta, that stupid white wolf, that weak white wolf to make her feel as if she's lost though it was her fangs which had succeeded; no Dimitri; no Luke; no Liam; no Rhys with green eyes of torture as he rakes his claws down her back; no Tokiie with eyes like a lost, dead brother; none of these people, no matter how much they tried, no matter how much their personalities bent over her, abused her, needed her, would separate woman from Wolf, Wolf from woman.

Their need for each other blended and flexed, slipping under the gates of Rin's protective barrier, her shell that kept others away, but never her from them; she stretched, she tilted her head back, those dark, dark eyes pained and released -- an agony of letting go: a thing Rin had never been good at. She let it all go, suddenly, finally.

Yes, yes, the Wolf licked it's lips. Once again, it was simply it and she, once again, it dominated her life, for once, and always. Who cared that she secretly ached to catch a glimpse of cold blue eyes, or to feel arms around her small, petite body telling her, begging her not to give in? Not the Wolf, who was as selfish as the girl was selfless; it ate up all her thoughts and drowned her with the fierce passion of the wild. Feral, and suddenly, wretched free, Rin felt as if she had stepped out of time, into the lounge, and had begun all over again. Her lips turned into a little bit of a sneer as her eyes slipped over those around, wondering, ever so briefly, if she could still smell her blood where it had seeped onto this very floor not so long ago.

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word count;; 960
tags;; Rikki Cross ;3
OOC;; w00t for posting! How I missed you so! XD

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[Rikki Cross]

Rikki was sitting in the lounge, her favorite book in hand and a peanut butter fudge milkshake in hand. She had done her exercise for the day and she deserved a treat. She went to the kitchen and made it herself, chocolate ice cream, cream and peanut butter in a blender to make the ultimate smoothie. Rikki was sideways in the chair her legs hanging over the arm her back against the opposite arm. She was wearing a Godsmack Band Shirt, Black Faded Jeans and Black Combat Boots along with her Father’s Hat. Rikki was reading through The Art of War for the trillionth time. Rikki Looked up to see an Asian girl who looked like she was as deep in thought as Rikki was. Rikki wasn’t about to interrupt her deep mental state, knowing she hated it when people interrupted her thinking process.

Rikki kept an eye on the girl but continued to read in between furtive glances to the girl. Her dad taught her to be aware as all times, and she always tried to live up to dear old dad’s expectations. Rikki took a big gulp of her smoothie, the nutty, chocolaty goodness sliding effortlessly down her throat. Her mother taught her to make the smoothie, it was her favorite treat but with all the fat and calories and other nasty stuff she drank it sparingly. Rikki had yet to make a single friend in this place. The girl in front of her had a slightly wild look in her eyes, it reminded Rikki of her own deadpan mirthless stare. Rikki pulled out an MP3 player and started to listen to some music. Some German Metal seemed good to Rikki, she was one of the few people outside of Europe who understood the brutal lyrics. Rikki bounced her foot in time with the beat, the song she was listening to had a Hyena Laughing in the background and she couldn’t help but give a bit of a giggle herself.

Rikki put a hand over her mouth to stifle the giggle, more of a haunting cackle than a girlish giggle. She stopped her giggle fit quickly and returned to her level state, reading her book, slipping her smoothie and listening to her foreign music. Rikki was having an alright day, compared to yesterday, her encounter with the super girly girl had not been a pleasant one, and hopefully this new girl she was looking at wouldn’t want to start any fights. Rikki wiggled a bit to get into a more comfortable position and took another gulp of smoothie and continued bouncing her foot to the brutal song in her head phones.

[Natsumi Sayuri]

For all this talk, for all these thoughts which swirled round her head like the melting remains of the slushie the girl was drinking, Rin was losing herself. Futilely, inevitably, holding onto the vast flame of past happiness -- a hollow, inevitable emotion that had only one pair of eyes staring back at her. The Wolf was no longer pacing, it was here, and it came with force -- never alone, never without the wretched heat, never without the fire that pierced the darkness in her gloomy demeanor. She was a cute girl, so sad, so true -- she had the potential to be so beautiful, so completely on fire.......... if only she had it in her to be human. If only she could mold herself to fit into the norms of this society.

but without the ability, without the need, and only the half-hearted want, Rin was left with looking like the Wolf she was inside: left with the extremist jealousies, the protective instincts that bordered on psychological. She was broken, and yet, yes, yes, that and yet defined her entirely personality. Broken girl, with her heart full of sorrows -- but there was the Wolf, and the fire, and the madness; there was the kindness and the instincts which had sunk below the skin deep into her subconscious. Rin was a Wolf that could speak, a Wolf caught in the confines of human skin, bound by laws that made no sense.

Her eyes flicked to the side, those dark tilted depths churning with her resentment, her judgmental catastrophe that crackled about her tiny body. She was tensed, waiting, waiting, looking for something, anything to react to -- the slightest provocation, the merest whisper, the burning touch of someone's eyes onto her. She was alone, now. A solitary pack animal separating herself from the rest of the world. The earth had moved under her feet and she was back here at the start.

Outsiders, the Wolf rumbles, without words -- it is pure emotion, violent and unsatisfied, wary of those that turned their eyes to her, angry at the judgment, feeling the need, the empowering, glorifying need to fulfill the dominant hole in her heart. For all that she was small, for all that she weighed so much less than the others, hers was a dominant personality: she raked her claws down others', provoked them, forced them to feel when they would have been happier to sit in their quiet, naive world and let the words take away their emotions.

But the Wolf, no, no, Rin was not like that. She could not pour herself into words, confine the very essence of herself into strung out syllables: she was a song that could not be sung by humane voices. Her very nature was the snap and crackle of the flame, the edge of the wind ripping through your hair. She was the quiet silence as she eases into the room, as her eyes meet and meet again -- another girl, yet another girl who tilted her head; judgment made the Wolf's hackles rise as it paced in her mind, as it destroyed the last vestiges of control and prosperity. She wanted, oh gods, how Rin wanted to simply rip the clothes from her skin, to scream so loud and long her breath lost itself in the funnel of her fury -- her throat would bleed and the Wolf would race out from the darkness. She wanted, so bad, to simply to give in to the simply bestiality of the Wolf -- but the girl's eyes caught her, the way her mouth moved, the way she sat so nonchalant.

It was a dance they began; a play which they had succumbed to, the script flying from their hands. There was nothing humane in her gaze as she shifted her path, as she moved, as if gravitating around the force of that person, the mere presence she held so tight to her chest. The nameless one, the - sniff, sniff- the dog-like creature that moved her feet to the music, that slurped on her drink, that eyed her as if she were some potential ally, something, something. There was darkness hovering over Rin's shoulders, running it's nasty tongue over her back and panting in her hear: the Wolf was running forward, it's jaws agape.

A fight? No, no, nothing so intimate -- this was but the beginning. She moved, her feet so light on the ground, her eyes unmoving as they locked with the girl's. This tempo, this beat -- she felt the vestiges of the brutality of the music shimmering just out of reach. The Wolf strained to hear it, salivating; the girl crouched down beside the chair, reaching her hand out. "What are you?" she asks, without hesitation, her nose twitching as she inhaled the sticky combination of human girl, musky something and peanut butter. Her eyebrows lifted up, her smile almost toying, almost ... anything, so vague and ambiguous.

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word count;; 832
tags;; Rikki
OOC;; I'm being summoned! No time for proof reading >.< Sorry!

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