Who am I to say? (open)

[Selah Belle Madison]

Selah got onto the stage, her hair up in a ponytail, ready to dance. No one was there, a perfect time to practice. She had her MP3 and speakers, What song should I start with? Selah thought, a warm-up of course...but which song....oh! I know!

And suddenly music filled the empty auditorium, bouncing off of the walls. ♫"Cantaloupe, I like my cantaloupe. Cantaloupe, just give me cantaloupe…."♫

Selah began to laugh as she started to warm up, Cantaloupe, coolest fruit...or is it a vegetable? Oh well... Selah kept warming up. But after a short time the song was over.

"Hmmm...what next?" Selah said to no one, and then chose another warm up song. ♫“Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I? My tender heart tends to start to bleed….”♫

“And one more warm up should do it,” Selah quickly flipped through all the songs on her MP3 player. ♫“I wanted to be like you, I wanted everything. So I tried, to be like you. And I got swept away. I didn’t know that it was so cold and you needed someone to show you the way. So I took your hand and we figured out that, when the tide comes I’ll take you away….”♫

After that song was over there was a horrible silence, it was too quiet, a rarity for Selah. The silence from her warm-up songs were soon replaced with ♫"circling your, circling your head,Contemplating everything you ever said.Now I see the truth, I got doubt.A different motive in your eyes and now Im out!....Back off Ill take you on,Headstrong to take on anyone!"♫
She started to move, first only slightly but then Selah took up the entire stage, twirling, spinning, and leaping. She even threw in some of her Martial Arts moves.

That song ended and she put her MP3 on shuffle, finding different moves for each song and style. One needed ballet moves, the other hip hop, the next lyrical. Each song on her MP3 was so different it took Selah a few seconds to get into the mood of that song. A few songs she had to change because she just couldn't get into them.

Her hair started to fall when she was in the middle of a pirouette. Blinded she finished the song. She tried to find her hair tie, but it was gone, broken on the stage’s floor. She pulled another hair tie from her wrist, quickly put her hair up and started the song over. ♫“Love of my life, my soul mate, you’re my best friend. Part of me, like breathing, now half of me has left. I don’t know anything, at all. Who am I to say you love me, I don’t know anything at all….”♫

This song always brought a flood of emotions when Selah heard it, she tried to dance to it, tried to do some lyrical moves with it…but something stopped her. She stopped the song, and started it over. Selah sat on the edge of the stage, listening to the song that she had listened to so many times, each time she listened to it she had a memory in her head. And now she was making a new one, of her, alone on a stage, at a new place, with no one she really knew.

♫ “….And who am I to say you love me, I don’t know anything at all. And who am I to say you need me? Now you’re a song I love to sing, never thought it feels so free….”♫

And who am I to say you love me? More like and who am I to say you notice me, or who am I to say you care?

Selah sat in silence, listening to the song…waiting. For what she wasn’t sure, but she was waiting.

[Felix Sbarge]

Felix entered the concert hall expecting silence. He expected the stands to be empty, the seats a silent, attentive audience, the best kind, but one lacking personality and publicity. He expected the lights to be out, the spotlights done cast, a gaping hole for a stage that held only darkness for the stands, a preview for the coming event. He expected the stage to be empty, the darkness roiling, angry that nothing was yet gracing it's feet, the silence dreaded as if an act had failed to appear. But only the stands fulfilled his assumptions. Any they mattered the least.

The seventeen year old had entered down a side isle silently, the runway lights of the ground level seating highlighting his shoes. But what was truly highlighted, was the girl on stage, all lights on her dancing figure. He stopped in the darken seating, perplexed at seeing someone there. He watched her move, so perfectly, so practiced. Saw her hair fall before her eyes. Saw her finish her move despite the interference. Saw her find a new band and put it back up. And he saw her pause.

Piano filed the concert hall. A beautiful, yet depressing tune that tried to reminded him of every single sad moment in every single movie every made. He almost teared up before the words. But the figure on stage seemed even more affect by the song. And Felix could see why, from the beginning lyrics. She tried to dance to it, tried twice, but finally stopped and sat down on the steps like a butterfly that just lost it's wings. And what beautiful wings they had been. He couldn't bare to watch that and do nothing.

Despite his intent to dance alone, was it not better to dance with a partner? And how many ballroom dances and traditional dance did he know that involved only one lone figure? None. The piano called to him, told him he couldn't just stand there, and denied him the right to turn away. So what if he didn't know her? Why should that matter to him? The girl was obviously lonely. Listening to a song like that, a sad song like that, was like a call to have a friend. ♫"Now you're a song I love to sing, never thought it feels so free, now I know what's meant to be, and that's okay with me."♫ Well, it wasn't okay with him.

He walked up onto the stage, bent over her and pressed the reply button on her MP3 and offered her his hand, a silent gesture to dance to the very same tune she'd stopped dancing to, should she take his hand and allow him.

Clothes

[Selah Belle Madison]

-

Selah had been sitting, listening to the song that had always brought back emotions and memories. Emotions that related to her family, the orphanage, lost friends, lost crushes. Memories that related to her family, the orphanage, lost friends, lost crushes. This song had always made her feel those things, think those things. It wasn’t a happy song, not really, but she didn’t change it. She didn’t want to change it. There was something about this moment…that just seemed right to her. Something kept her from getting up and changing this song to an up beat hip hop. Something kept her from getting up and trying to dance again. This song meant something; this song meant a lot of things. She loved and hated this song. She could relate to this song in such a way it made her almost cry. She even felt tears start to build up, but she pushed them back. Selah didn’t know why this song affected her, except for the fact she had listened to it during rough times. She usually listened to it after one of her friends had left, or when she started to think of her family. She always forgot about everything, but remembered everything, when she listened to this song. This song, alone, was a paradox for her.

♫“And who am I to say you love me? I don’t know anything at all.”♫

Selah related to this song, at times. She felt helpless, but she could feel empowered. She knew nothing, but then knew everything. She listened to the piano, the girl’s voice, and guitar? She wasn’t sure if it was a guitar, but it sounded like one to her. When she heard this song, it hit something. And it hit it hard. It struck a chord, heck, it struck an entire song. This song, killed part of her. It made her remember and forget and feel but become numb all at the same time. Selah felt more tears build up, and she pushed them back down. She didn’t like to cry, whether alone or in public. She saw it as a weakness, and ever since she came to this school she’d been feeling weak and vulnerable.

♫"Now you're a song I love to sing, never thought it feels so free, now I know what's meant to be, and that's okay with me."♫

Selah was lost in thought so much that she had hardly noticed the boy who walked onto the stage, and she started to pay more attention when he pressed replay on her MP3 player, and she was giving him her full attention when he stretched his hand out to her. He wanted to dance, with her. Selah had never danced with a partner, she had learned the dances, but had always danced them alone.

She contemplated accepting, only for a second, before she stood up and took his hand.


[note: Felix is allowed to Dance power play/god-mod in the next post, due to dancing]

[Felix Sbarge]

In all honesty, he hadn't really thought she'd take him up on the offer. Appreciate it, yes, smile a little at the thought, yes. But he'd thought she would also feel awkward, asked to dance, without words even!, by a complete stranger. Any sane person would have said no. Well, any sane person without a Felix-Complex; he would have said yes. But to think this girl was so willing, it must have reflected his own thoughts and willingness to ask a stranger to dance. Especially a girl, but only for the reason he was a guy, nothing more. She could read so much into the action, but she hadn't.

The song was slow, a pace he enjoyed. He began by taking her other hand and leading her toward the center of the stage again. He smiled just faintly as he completed a nod of introduction, then proceeded to lead her in in a simple pattern of steps, sort of akin to the regular waltz pattern, slow steps to the first and third beats of the music, using the piano as a guide. As the first line of ♫ "Now half of me is left," ♫ he released her right hand, spinning her one full circle, then letting her go completely. She paused a moment, likely still uncertain, but then came back to him, taking his hand a second time, and so he lead her about more, but he never took her other hand again, instead leaving them only half connected, sometimes giving her the choice to lead and she would inevitably choose something of more energy than he. So he complimented her by changing their steps to each count instead of every other.

She was good, possibly better than him, but her grace at quick freestyle was easily transferable. And she was warmed up. But freestyle only required that one be smooth and certain, and that was exactly what they were, him trying to give subtle hints of his next moves and intentions, her barely even needing them. Every so they would end a phrase too far apart, or too close and have to lose a count of two to get back together, but for something so impromptu and unrehearsed, it was breath-taking. But then, that was true freestyle dancing. They ended with her halfway in his arms, a position they both decided against committing to only after they started. Felix stood up straight then after they had held the pose and the next song began. He released her hands and offered a slight bow.

But maybe there was another type of person who would say yes to dancing with a stranger. Someone who didn't have anything to lose. Whatever memories and thoughts this song had brought up hadn't been welcomed with joy, but rather welcomed with despair. And yet she had welcomed them the same. Such an odd thing about human nature. Even that which made someone cry and feel sorry for themselves or others was still held onto, memories ingrained so deep. But to tell one to forget them was pointless, if they wanted to, they would have tried. And sometimes, they didn't want to. Sometimes, the feelings of anger and sadness were useful. Sometimes.

He decided he'd buy that song on iTunes when he got back to his dorm.

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[Selah Belle Madison]

-

Selah didn't understand why she had accepted to dance, especially to this song, especially with someone she didn't know. But she had, and he was a great dancer.

The two moved beautifully together, every unplanned move fit with the song, with the moment. It was a brilliant moment. Selah had never had a dance partner, but she was glad she could experience it, especially with a great partner like him. She began to store this memory, so the next time she heard this song…maybe not all the memories that came back would be bad. She was making a new memory, a good one. She didn’t have many good memories, hardly any really, none that didn’t lead up to something bad. Selah hoped this memory could lead to a friendship, she didn’t have many friends, never did.

He would let her lead, and then he would lead. She was an experienced dancer, and he seemed to know what he was doing too, but this one freestyle dance made her think a few seconds before the next move come. She felt like she was in a musical, or a fairy tale. She never thought she would ever have a dance partner, but there she was, dancing with a complete stranger. It was breath taking. They continued to dance to this song that had brought Selah such anguish, she didn’t like to think of bad memories…but there’s just some things you can’t stop, some things you can’t avoid or get rid of no matter how hard you tried, some memories that never leave, some feelings that won’t leave you alone no matter how many times you pretended they weren’t there. She concentrated on the dance, the moment; she wanted to pretend she had never had a bad moment in her life; she wanted to believe that this song was new and this was her first memory of it.

Before she wanted it to, the words stopped, ♫“I don’t know anything at all”♫ and the piano slowly faded away.

There was a moment of silence until the next song started up, but Selah wasn’t paying enough attention to here the starting lyrics ♫“Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces pass, and I’m home bound.”♫

To Selah the boy looked like he was ready to leave, but something told her to introduce herself, so at least they wouldn’t be strangers anymore.

“Uh…hi, I’m Selah, Selah Belle Madison,” she said as she tightened her pony tail which had come slightly loose in their dance and gave him a slight smile so she didn’t look so dreary. There was something about this stranger that caught her attention. She wasn’t sure if he would answer, or just walk away, but she hoped he would react in some way.



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[Felix Sbarge]

By the end of their sequence, he was breathing hard. It took more mental than physical effort sometimes, when one danced freestyle. So much concentration was necessary for one not to slip up. That was what made him glad to be the guy, he led most of the time, not to mention having the ability to more forward instead of backward like the ladies often did. He felt better when he glanced at her shoes, glad they weren't high heels. Though how she would have managed to complete her warm-up sequences in heels, was something he hadn't even thought of and it made him feel stupid, blushing a little. He hated those moments when one didn't notice the obvious until later.

Felix wanted to sit and catch his breath, but instead of using the steps, he simply plopped right where he was, feet spread, weight leaning back on his arms, sucking wind. He wiggled his stupid Converse shoes, knowing it had been a bad idea to where them for such activity. His feet would hurt in the morning like none other. Another stupid realization he had too late to make a difference. Sometimes, he wondered if his brain was connected to the rest of him. Dear Lord, you have given me the gift of dance and I promise to use it better if only you might allow my feet to hurt with minimal pain tomorrow. He felt childish with the prayer, but with Dance Club starting, he would need to be able to encourage people.

He didn't notice she was talking either, until there was time for an awkward silence. Wow, did dancing make him clueless. Maybe that was his problem, having learned to tune out stuff while he danced, perhaps he tuned out too much? It was a theory... Oh, right she'd be talking, duh... Name, her name was Selah Belle Madison. Was that French? What a beautiful middle name, Belle. Better than his own. But if she was going for the middle name approach, he could compete with that. "Felix Wellington Sbarge," was barely able to fit in one breath.

Offering his hand for shaking back fired a little, as he was sitting on the stage like a homeless person in nice clothes. Felix blushed at his failed attempt at a formal greeting and dropped his hand as soon as he'd lifted it. Instead, he patted the stage next to him, inviting her to sit as well, even though she didn't seem quite so out of breath. And then, in a chain reaction to his touching the stage floor with his hand, he lifted the palm to his face and scrutinized it for dirt, grimacing and brushing it off on his shirt. Whether anything had really been there remained a mystery he hoped never to solve.

"You know,... I feel as if I should have walked away and... remained the mysterious stranger. Should have worn a mask... like the Phantom of the Opera..." He blushed again.

[Selah Belle Madison]

-

"Felix Wellington Sbarge," he introduced himself, "You know...I feel as if I should have walked away and... remained the mysterious stranger. Should have worn a mask... like the Phantom of the Opera..." [/i]

Selah sat on the spot Felix had offered too her, and she couldn't help but smile a little at what he had said, it sounded kind of ridiculous...but it also made sense. He had come in as a stranger, willing to dance with another stranger, but he wouldn't be leaving as one (as many strangers in movies would leave mysteriously usually with a flick of a cape or a smoke bomb).

She wasn't sure how to respond to what he had said, so she just said the first thing that came to mind. "If you would have done that I wouldn't have known your name, and I probably would've been wondering what it was for a while until it killed me," she meant for it to be a joke, so she smiled after she had said it; but then she realized how much of an idiot she sounded like. "Not that it would have bothered me that much, but I just have a need to know things that I don't know...wait, that sounds bad..umm," Selah was digging her hole deeper and deeper, as she reminded herself to work on her social skills. "So, you dance really well. How did you learn?" Finally, a safe topic. Something she could really talk about without making a fool of herself too much.

After she asked her question she began to think of how she learned to dance, which was by watching musicals, reading books, rooming with orphans who had had dance lessons, and making things up her entire life. She wondered if he had taken lessons, he danced well enough that he could have. But she was a better dancer, and she hadn't taken any lessons. Maybe he had learned the same way she had, maybe he was a natural too...

Selah ran her fingers through her hair, getting ahead of herself. She should just be happy he had stayed and not decided to be like the Phantom of the Opera and just disappear.

She slowed her thoughts and started to remember the dance moves she had just done, some she had learned while he was leading. She wondered what the names to each of the moves where, or if he had just made them up and hoped she would follow.

Selah slowed her thoughts again, and just wondered what he would answer, not trying to over think things, but just waited for this now non-stranger to answer her question in someway.

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[Felix Sbarge]

"I'd make a horrible movie character," he followed up, having caught her smile. True, he was handsome and the camera loved that, but still, his persona and mannerisms were hard to marvel at. Introducing himself when he should have walked away. He had no sense of follow through. Yet despite how much it would have pleased him initially to remain mysterious, and how much he would have enjoyed having her stalk him for a name, in the end, it wouldn't have be the way he wanted it.

He almost laughed at her bungled words, but knew she was being mostly serious and sincere. Honest, he liked that. And so was he. "Well, I can't say I wouldn't have minded being the object of your fantasies." He smiled, raising an eyebrow in feigned disappointment as she express her need to know the unknown. "That sounds like flirting to me..." Felix trailed off with a more serious look, trying vainly to wipe the smile off his face. "And you know what else it sounds like? A suggestion to open the floor to deep dark secrets or our unknown."

But this was all speculation and he expected to get reprimanded at least off-offhandedly by Selah, if not passionately. But then, he wouldn't mind. Well, okay, he would, a lot, only, he'd probably;y just smile and take it, then offer her to dance again. But that was just who he was, really, nothing extra ordinary. At least his social skills fit better than hers. Not that he found her socially awkward. The only people who were truly socially awkward were the people who refused to communicate with supposedly "socially awkward" people. For the true intent of social awkwardness was that you couldn't communicate with others and if you deemed someone socially awkward, that was you failing to communicate with them. So, you were the one with the failing skill set. But that was just Felix's theory.

He put both his hands in his lap, fiddling unconsciously with his watch, then the ring on his left hand. "I taught myself some, sort of as a means of showing my family my real interests. Then my mom signed me up for lessons, to keep my father from putting me in football tryouts..." He shook his head. Thoughts of ever being made to try out for the football team still haunted him sometimes. His father had never been able to see that his youngest son wasn't built the same as the oldest two, psychically and mentally. The only way to get him out of forced tryouts was signing up for guitar and dance and anything else that took away the time. In the end, he was glad he'd taken ballroom dancing. It allowed and often required a partner.

Felix looked up at Selah again, wondering how she had learned and why she had seemed so amazed he would dare to dance with her. "What about you, Selah?"
he asked, slightly embarrassed by his life story.

[Selah Belle Madison]

-

Selah listened to what Felix was saying, he had a certain tone to his voice that couldn’t be ignored, and she enjoyed that (other wise her train off thought would have gotten off track and she would have started thinking about something ridiculous like how she hates drowning). She smiled almost the entire time he talked, and she occasionally messed with her necklace or hair, but other than that she sat almost motionless. He seemed to have an odd past, not unlike her own. But he had mentioned parents, and that was something Selah didn’t have anymore, and never would. He had also said he had gotten lessons, which explained how he led easily. She was surprised they had danced so well, him actually trained and her just figuring out what to do as she did it.

"What about you, Selah?"

Felix had asked her how she had learned to dance, he seemed a bit unsettled by what he had shared, but it didn’t seem that bad to her. She thought about lying and just telling him she had taken lessons since just learning things from watching, reading and making up steps didn’t sound quite as impressive, but she decided to go with the truth anyway.

Selah ran her hand through her dark hair, counting each strand as it slipped past her fingers; a habit she’d had since she was four, which had gotten worse since she arrived at Shifter Academy. “Oh, uh,” Selah tried to hold back the blush that was rising to her cheeks, she wasn’t used to talking about how she learned to dance, no one had ever asked. “I taught myself most of what I know, whether it was by watching musicals, making up steps on my own, or reading from dance books. A few times I even had my current room mate, if they had had lessons, teach me some of what they knew. I had always wanted to take lessons, to really learn what the steps are called and how to properly hold your feet, hands, and core…but I never had the money,” Selah was more comfortable when she talked about things she liked, but that never stopped her from rambling. “Not that I was poor or anything, I just didn’t have money…wait, that didn’t make much sense…umm,” she started to stumble over words when she talked about more uncomfortable things, “I lived in an orphanage until I came here, so I didn’t have money since I didn’t have a job.” Selah smiled, but then she realized that she might have said too much and scared him off, she felt her eyes start to grow a little bit bigger, and a blush worked its way up to her cheeks. She was about to explain, but then thought better of it. She rambled and sometimes shared too much or too little, but that’s just who she was; and people had to accept it.

She had always been a bit ashamed of her past…she wasn’t sure why she was, people had had worse lives than hers, but she just felt so…not normal when she talked about not having a family, or anyone who cared about her. Her eyes dropped to the floor as she waited for his reply, not sure if he was still there after what she had said.


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[Felix Sbarge]

He reached over to take her hand in his, to squeeze it to show her he was still there, to express that even though he barely new her, he cared. He cared enough to comfort her and make sure she knew it. It always bothered him when others thought they could get rid of him so easily. When they thought that their words of the past or of who they really were or what they had done would drive him away. Sure, he was always disappointed, or terrified with them, but he wanted to be there for them even more. To let them know he would be there.

"Selah..." He trailed off, not quite certain what it was he had wanted to say, not quite certain if he had anything to say at all. "Look, even if you don't have parents doesn't mean no one else can care for you..." Again, he wondered what the hell he was implying with his words, wondering if he had even meant to use them allowed. Had he used them allowed? Stupid tongue needed to be plugged all the way in.

He sighed, putting his other hand out to lift up her chin so she would meet his eyes. "Hey now, no need for that self-pity. I can share too. I may have parents, but their divorced. I live with my father, who didn't understand me. I may not have so much emotional pain, but I have enough physical pain to last a life time. But that doesn't stop me. And your pain shouldn't stop you. You're better that it." Felix paused, then decided he'd continue on to the next step, putting himself out there in the open or not. "Just like your dancing, you can do anything. Just like when you talk and keep talking, even though it must hurt for God's sake. You keep doing it. No matter how much something hurts. That song we danced to...it hurt, didn't it? But didn't it feel so much better afterward?"

His mouth formed a tight line, eyes questioning, wondering how badly of how well she would take his life perspective. Thinking a moment longer, he tugged the black and silver ring off his finger and held it out to her. "Here."

[Selah Belle Madison]

-

Selah felt Felix’s hand take hers, and at first she recoiled, she was surprised. No one had ever shown a caring gesture to her since she was three, she had had “friends” but they were only temporary until they got adopted or sent to another orphanage. No, no one had ever shown they cared about her. But she relaxed as he began to talk.

"Selah, Look, even if you don't have parents doesn't mean no one else can care for you…”

Selah stared at the floor as he spoke this, not sure what he was going to say, she didn’t know how to behave in a situation like this…actually she didn’t know how to behave in any situation that involved other people…unless they were leaving, that was easy. Selah knew that if a person was leaving, usually someone she cared about, she would put on a big smile and wish them well, say she’d miss them, and not show how upset she was. When people left, Selah could handle it. But when someone started to care about her, that was when she got confused on how to act.

He lifted her chin, “Hey now, no need for that self-pity. I can share too. I may have parents, but their divorced. I lived with my father, who didn't understand me. I may not have so much emotional pain, but I have enough physical pain to last a life time. But that doesn't stop me. And your pain shouldn't stop you. You're better than it. Just like your dancing, you can do anything. Just like when you talk and keep talking, even though it must hurt, for God's sake. You keep doing it. No matter how much something hurts. That song we danced to...it hurt, didn't it? But didn't it feel so much better afterward?"[/i]

She looked into his eyes while he was talking, she didn’t really have a choice. She searched them, to see if he meant what he was saying. He may not have realized it, but he had said she was better than the pain she felt. No one had ever told Selah she was better than anything, so she had assumed she wasn’t. This entire situation was new to her. Having someone so close to her, everyone she had met usually stayed at least an arms length away. Having someone know how she felt, usually no one cared enough to try to cheer her up. Felix had. He had danced with her when she was upset over a song (though she thought she was alone), a song that brought back all the horrible memories and feelings she had ever experienced. He had understood that that song wasn’t a happy song for her (although the song itself was beautiful). Felix cared.

“Here.”

Felix had taken off his black and silver ring, which was now stretched out toward Selah. Her mind raced. She didn’t understand why someone cared so much about her, why anyone would care so much about her. She thought through her life so far, trying to find someone who seemed to care about her as much as Felix did, and he had just met her.

Selah thought that maybe he just felt bad for her, being here alone at this time of night. But she was looking him in the eye, and she didn’t see any sympathy…just empathy.

Finally Selah got the courage to talk, “How can you tell so much about me? Wait…no, why do you even care enough to try to understand so much about me? I’m sorry if that sounded rude, but I just don’t understand...” Selah trailed off, trying to find the words she was looking for. “No one has ever really paid much attention to me; no one had ever really cared…no one that I can remember. But you, you just met me and you’re the only person who has ever expressed concern for me. Is that sad or what?” Selah laughed, trying to lighten the mood but meaning what she said. Her smile faded, “I’m utterly confused as to why you danced with me, why you’re talking to me… N-not that I don’t appreciate it, I do. But, you just seem like you have better things to do than to sit with some girl, that you just met, who has bad self esteem and doesn’t even understand herself let alone others,” Selah dropped her eyes, not wanting to make eye contact anymore. “I just…don’t understand,” Selah felt her eyes begin to get watery, and she felt embarrassed that she was getting so emotional. She didn’t like to show negative emotions, they made people (and herself) uncomfortable. “You must think I’m some kind of freak,” she laughed a little, attempting again to lighten the mood, “Dancing alone at night, accepting to dance with a stranger, throwing a pity-party… I’m sorry I’ve wasted your evening. I really am.” Selah stood up, ready to leave…but something told her to stay, something told her to not leave, not like this. She wanted him to say something, to tell her to stop, to show he cared…but she figured that was asking too much.

She was still standing, not sure what to say. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t understand you…that must have been horrible. I would like to think, that if my dad would’ve lived he would have been more understanding…” Selah stopped, again wondering if she had said too much. She stood, unsure of what else to say.

She wanted to walk off the stage, she wanted to run and get out all of these extra feelings. But suddenly, she felt exhausted. It was like she couldn’t move. So, she stayed standing, and just waited for his reply.

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[Felix Sbarge]

It was so hard to listen to her say such things, so hard to understand why she couldn't understand, it was simply something he couldn't explain, humans were human, isn't that what they said? That what made us different was that we were human? And ye, if they couldn't explain it, how did he even hope to brush near the topic of humanity and caring. After what he had already said, he wondered what words he could form now, so deep into the hole as he was.

"Why do I care? I care because I'm human. I care because I've cried myself to sleep some nights just like everyone else. I care because I know not enough people do, becuase I can't do anything but care. I can't make it better, or make it right, or change the past, or change the future, or have three ghosts show you how much better you can be, or make you forget, or even tell you it's a dream. The only thing in my power is to care, as useless as caring is in the long run." Way too much philosophy, way too many words. And yet he had to tell her everything, had to answer everything.

Felix shook his head at her, a wry smile cutting across his lips. "That's becuase you have to make them care about you. You make them see you, make yourself matter o them, whether you get enemies or friends out of it, becuase even enemies think about each other everyday." He half sighed, half laughed, squeezing her hand again. "You even admit that you have low self-esteem, so fix it. Even if the entire world cares for you, you're the only person who can fix you. Of course, I'm not a doctor, so don't quote that."

"I danced with you, becuase you asked me to, sitting up there on that stage alone. I came here tonight on a whim, and there you were, calling out to me, begging me. So I danced. Just because my hat makes me look fancy and upstanding doesn't mean I have better things to do." He took his hat off them, holding the grey fedora in his right hand and holding her hand with his left. Felix turned the grey headgear over in his view, then tossed it on the floor beside them. "I got lucky and had money, but money didn't buy my soul, just my clothes, so I'm not rich through and through." He glanced at her. "Money may not have bought you close, but it sure as anything didn't buy your soul either. So use it, sweetheart." He blushed as the pet name rolled off his tongue. But she looked like a "sweetheart."

He stood after her words finally ended. "No, that wasn't out of line. I'm bisexual and a pacifist, there was nothing harder for him to understand. And thank you." He hugged her. Because he needed it. But more because she needed it. Despite all her uncertainty in a moment of caring, despite all her fear that this was a lie, that a total stranger on a name basis couldn't possible care enough to speak to her, to console her, to even listen to her, she needed to know, she needed to feel it.

[Selah Belle Madison]

-

Selah listened to Felix talk. What he said made sense. It made perfect sense. She understood why he cared…for the most part. But what she didn’t understand was how she could make others care. The more he talked the more she listened. She didn’t know how to fix her self-esteem, didn’t know that she could. She also didn’t know she had asked him to dance, when he said that she had to think back to a few moments ago to remember if she literally asked him to dance. When she remembered she hadn’t she kept listening to what he was saying.

Selah watched Felix throw his hat on the stage, it settled next to where they were. She heard the dust brush against the hat as it settled, it was a nice hat that went well with his outfit, which distracted her for only a moment, until he started to talk again. There was just something about his voice she couldn’t ignore. Some kind of confidence that made her pay attention to him...Maybe that’s what he meant by not letting others ignore you… Selah wondered as he continued to talk.

He sounded so sure of what he was saying, whether he was or wasn’t. His words filled the concert hall, and enveloped them. There wasn’t another sound. It was as if everything was listening to him, his voice of reason. While he was talking she stopped staring at the floor and started to watch him as he talked. He blushed once or twice, and his eyes would occasionally move to her.

He had said why his dad didn’t understand him, which, once he said it, did make sense. But Selah had always thought parents were there to support their kid, always. She had a lot to learn, and maybe…just maybe Felix would be willing to teach her. But she couldn’t help but think that maybe he pitied her, but she didn’t think he would do this just because he pitied her; something had made him stay and introduce himself.

Selah was wondering if Felix had noticed that she hadn’t taken his ring, when he hugged her. This notion was almost out of nowhere.

At first she tensed, surprised, and completely foreign to a hug. No one had hugged her since her family had died, which meant it had been twelve years since some one had hugged her. Then, she calmed, realized that maybe…just maybe Felix really cared, and hugged him back. She thought back to what he had said, how he had said it. And she realized… that he did care. She needed the hug he offered and she accepted, she needed to feel secure and comforted, she needed to feel like someone cared. And in this moment, she did. All her uncertainties went away, for some reason she knew that he wasn’t lying. She knew he meant what he had said.

“No… thank you.” Selah said after she had pulled away, “You really helped me tonight, but you knew that already,” Selah couldn’t help but blush, mainly because she wasn’t used to someone caring. “I was wondering,” Selah continued as she pulled the ponytail out of her hair, no longer needing it, and wrapped it back around her wrist; her hair fell correctly, without any lumps or bumps, as if she had never put it up, her dark black ringlets fell a little past her shoulder, skimming her collar bone, “if maybe, possibly…you could help me understand more. As in, kind of, teach me? To not be so… self-conscious and have better self-esteem?” Selah felt ridiculous asking this, like a child asking how to tie a shoe, something everyone else knew that she was just learning. “I mean, if you can’t, or don’t want to, that’s fine. I can teach myself…I guess, I’ve taught myself things before. It’s just-…this is something new to me. I didn’t know I could change what I thought of myself, or others, or…anything,” Selah began to ramble again, and so she paused to take a breath, and smiled politely, “I have nothing to do tonight, if you want to just…tutor me on how things work with other people? I would appreciate it, and maybe…we could get to know each other?” Selah was half-way looking at the floor at this point, not sure if her wording sounded correct or if it sounded like gibberish. “If you want to, that is.”

Selah ran her fingers through her hair, moving a loose dark-brown highlighted piece off of her forehead. She waited for him to answer, as she bit her lip in anticipation that she might be making a friend.



[Clothes: www.polyvore.com/work_out_clothes/set?id=20000629&stream=0 ]

[Felix Sbarge]

It was almost scary to think that she might be listening to him. To think that she was taking her advice on life and the world from him...he could feel a major shock to his system. Normally, he lived under the idea that he wasn't important. Important to himself sure, self-righteous enough to get noticed, to attract attention and make friends, but never to be listened to seriously. He didn't think he was that important to other people to be taken so much to heart. And that frightened him. Made him self-conscious, made him worry about what he said and how they took it. Made him feel...crushed.

Whereas before he'd felt free? Was that what he was saying? That to be taken less important notice of meant he could be free? Do whatever he wanted, say whatever he wanted, not worry about others views becuase he was free, free to make his own decisions and life and not be self-conscious... Not be self-conscious. Not be shy. Not be introverted, or have low esteem, or shallow thoughts, or be afraid or lonely, or forgotten... Because if he felt accepted, even if he was not, he was never forgotten. Not to himself. He lived who he was to not forget who he was. And in living who he was, others noticed and they noticed him for who he was and even if they didn't like him for who he was, they still put him at the top of their list to murder later and even that was more living than Selah was doing now. Well, dancing with him was quite th living, but it could only be done so often.

He placed the ring back on his finger, not quite sure where the idea to offer it have come from, and, blushing, he could only say that it had been right, just at it had been right of her not to accept it. But he was glad she accepted his hug, becuase that was just something he did, like shaking hands. And even with strangers, if Felix thought someone needed the mental support of knowing someone cared, the he didn't see why not. And he couldn't remember the last time he had hug a girl who had hugged him back. It was a...a gratifying moment, to know she accepted genuine caring and pity and wish to help. He let her go gently when he felt her pull away.

But he shook his head at her request, one hand dancing to his pocket and the other mussing up the back of his crazy gelled brown hair. "I can't teach you how to be you. Only how to be me. And no matter what you're thinking right now," he grinned, "You really don't want to be me." So many reasons for that popped into his head, the first, his injuries, being the least substantial. But there was more to it than that, he knew. She had asked more. "You're asking about how to live. That's one thing I don't have av answer for. I can talk through stuff with you, give you my opinion, but in the end, it's you who have to choose and have to live how you want to."

He leaned back on his hand again, bite his lip a moment then swore silently to himself. He was supposed to have dropped that stupid habit. "Your past doesn't dictate your future. True it sets you up and read s the rules, but its the present that you actively experience the future of the second before." Felix shrugged, "If by lessons you mean that and everything else I've said, then I'm burnt out. Ask me something personal and the maybe I won't faint from lack of oxygen and words..." The fashion major grimaced at Selah, the flopped himself down, back o the dirty floor, but he didn't care anymore. Right now, he felt out of breath again. Too much to say...He yawned, propped an arm under his head, nearly closed his eyes. What time was it?

[Selah Belle Madison]

-

Selah listened to him talk again…and he was right, again. She felt stupid, childish. She felt idiotic? Something along those lines. Felix kind of sounded like a fortune cookie to her at times, only he meant what he was saying…or at least he acted like he cared.

Selah thought about what he had said, and wanted to get off the topic. She didn’t know how to get off topic, they had dug a hole in this topic, at least she had, and they were in too deep to just jump out of the hole.

She decided to ask him a question, one about himself, she was tired of talking about all these important things. If important was even the correct word to use. She just wanted to get to know him, and him to know her. Sort-of being friends was a lot better than not knowing him at all. “What’s your favorite song?” It was an off topic question, which is why Selah had chosen to ask it. She didn’t want to talk about how she didn’t know how to talk to people or how she didn’t know anything about herself. And she definitely didn’t want to talk about how she felt he just had taken pity on her, whether she had asked for it or not.

A new song came on, ♫“Goodnight my someone, goodnight my love. Sleep tight my someone sleep tight my love. Our star is shining its brightest light. For goodnight my love, for goodnight.”♫ Selah moved to change the song, as it was too slow, and she was beginning to become tired.

The next song that came on was faster a bit, and it made Selah wake up. ♫“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that’s alright because I like the way you lie, I love the way you lie.”♫

It was a new song, she had heard it and automatically put it on her MP3. It had rap in it, and couldn’t really be danced to. Selah listened to the song. She loved the lyrics, the meaning behind it. She hadn’t ever experienced love…another thing most people her age at least thought they knew…but she loved how this song described it. It showed the other side of love. She loved the chorus part the best, the only part the girl sang. The second time the chorus came on Selah sang along, her mid-range voice adding a harmony. ♫“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that’s alright because I like the way you lie, I love the way you lie.”♫


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