Books Can Release Stress Too || Natsumi Sayuri

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

He knew, didn't he? How could he not? He could only trust the Jaguar -- she can only trust the Wolf. The Wolf was everything to her -- brightening her eyes, bringing her fierce joy in the utter freedom of this existence. Without the Wolf, we've said, and she knows, god how she knows she would be nothing. A shadow, maybe. A silent corner in the midst of all that noise -- empty, hollow, numb. So why this obsession to be something else? Why this obsession to find herself, to define herself when courtesy was the compliment of the day? Because she couldn't lose to the world, the Wolf wouldn't lose to a past she had no part of; the Wolf would be all or nothing, and she ripped Rin in two with the strength of her desire.

So was it the Wolf, or was Rin the one who led? The one who moved and danced, who sang and drew people to her? Perhaps it was both, perhaps it was the human charm that tilted her head slightly, that compassion that tempered the judgmental indifference of the wolf; perhaps it was the Wolf's pride that kept the woman from becoming a slave to anyone but herself. Slavery never tasted so sweet than this moment that stretched between them. The battle of wills, yes, yes, she tasted the very tension as he gave in, as he fell down against her own -- why did he do it? Did it matter? The cat was waiting below the skin, watching, waiting, but she wanted to know why -- why did it wait, why didn't it rush forward? Was it simply the nature of the cat to toy and laugh, without the strength behind it? Did the cat simply sleep while the boy struggled?

Curiosity, or criticism? Did it matter, really? He'd ask her, already why she was here -- why she was talking to him, why she pushed herself against him, sharpening her claws against his exterior. Why did her fangs hover near him while he simply watched, half in wonder, half in doubt -- was she so strange? Yes, yes, the Wolf's voice rose up in pride, primal and claiming. The Wolf circled, round and round while Rin tilted her head to look at him, her eyes slightly squinted against the rain which pelted against her face.

She was forgetting Murazar, was slowly forgetting the other wolf, the bitch, the cunt that sniffed around her property. The Wolf's hackles rose, anger ripping through the elation, simmering, sizzling. Forget it, forget it -- it didn't matter. He didn't matter -- or so she said, but it took everything in her power to remain here before Luke, instead of rampaging through the rain and pulling that woman out by the hair. Mine, the Wolf's growl rumbled through her heart, a bass that slithered and brought a flush to her face. Scents changed and moved, diluted by the rain, but there all the same for their intensity. She was a knot of thoughts, tension and laziness, struggling to remain one without giving in to the other. What could she do but linger in this emotion? Could she really threaten that wolf? Yes, and there is something sinister about the echo in the Wolf's paws as it walks, as it stalks, tail swishing.

The feral madness has reached the girl, slowly, slowly eating away at her patience, her whimsical nature bending to the heat of the Wolf. Again, again, yes, she had tried to forget, but could she ever forget that cold stench of the bitch? Could she ever forget the stench of wolf, of stranger invading property that belonged solely to her? Hackles raised, muscles stiffened, but Luke was talking, his own anger sharp against her own -- had she done something to him? Confusion softened the brunt of her anger as he threw up his arms, as he kicked his phone, his words lashing out at her as if she were the monster that had destroyed his life. As if it were her fault he gave in. Indignation unfurled it's wings flinging all patience, all playfulness away.

Is that what you like to do? Claim everybody?

She didn't surge into motion -- no, no, tension slipped into her skin, wore her like a glove as her arms lowered, as her hair fell against her back with a little slap of sound. The Wolf snarled, rage slowly rising, itching to fight. One is the same as the other, it thinks with it's rage, it's voice no voice at all but the emotional blast of want that follows it. Rin stands there, her head straightened from it's lazy arch, a growing coldness burning, burning through her heart. So that's how it is, the girl thinks, and smiles, humorlessly.

And yes, I do feel better.

[/i] -- but she isn't listening anymore; aggravation, agitation -- she holds herself precisely, knowing the moment she makes a move too fast it would be too late, that everything would be undone. She had wanted to be anything but numb, but Rin was constructed of extremes and now she was swinging all the way to the left, on fire and in a growing rage. What had she done that was so wrong? Her lips curl back, baring fangs that didn't exist in this form -- but her face contorting with that rage as she moved forward, as all that simplistic beauty turned ugly with anger. Her hand reached out, pushing his shoulder as she growled out, a sound of distant thunder ripping through her voice, "You know nothing"

Her motions were harsh, as she pulled her hand away, as she stared up at him, angry, and hurt but suffocating under twin rages. She snorts, then, in derision, holding on to the last of her sanity, the last of her humanity as she snaps, "Get mad, but in the end you're just a cat." she looks at him sidelong, her jaw tensed, her fingers clenching. "You don't know anything of family." and she walks toward the side entrance. She was wet enough to drown a fish.

A knot of pain squeezed her heart, but she dismissed it. Who cared about cats anyway? Right. [/BLOCKQUOTE][/COLOR][/SIZE]

word count;; 1042
tags;; Olllie
OOC;;End game, I think. Luke: 1 Rin: 0 .__. She lost her temper.

[/SIZE]

[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

Luke was holding on to that anger, barely noticing he was doing it. It was boiling deep inside of him, when he should just dismiss it. He should push away, but he felt he couldn’t do that. Was it really just about his family? A Jaguar was a loner. Why did he care? Why? None of it was her fault. Technically, by telling off his family and breaking his phone, she was helping him. Everyone couldn’t be at the top. Not at the very top. Animals thought differently. They didn’t always hesitate to tear someone or something apart if they were used to be at the top and it was being threatened. Most humans had at least some sense. He tried to use that with that of his Jaguars to keep himself under control.

She reached out and pushed his shoulder, but he stood his ground. Had he hit something? Something deep? Was he right? Was that why she was mad now? Maybe she was used to trying to claim people. Maybe she had a short temper in the end. There were many possibilities. The Jaguar was lashing out inside of him, roaring inside of him. It was the observant one inside of him, until he was being threatened. That’s when it wanted out. When it wanted to react. ”Get mad but in the end you’re just a cat. His fists clenched as he looked at her. Why was he lashing out at her? Was it her fault that he gave in? Not really, no. Just because it gave her satisfaction for him to do it, didn’t mean it was her fault. So he was just a cat, but she wasn’t just a wolf? Did she think of herself higher? Better than him or anybody else?

”You don’t know anything of family.”

He slowly unclenched his fists, looking into her eyes. Wolves were pack animals, they did better with others of their kind. Jaguars were more of loners, better on their own. Luke was a loner because people didn’t understand him. He apparently didn’t understand them either. There was so much risk in trusting people. Was anything really safe, though? He knew she would just walk away. Just leave him there. She wouldn’t care. She didn’t need to care. Why did he care? Why did he need to care? But as he made this realization, his heart rate began to speed up. Luke dropped to his knees and ran his hands over his face. It was killing him. She was killing him. All of it was eating him inside out and he couldn’t figure it out. The worse part was that he couldn’t stop it. It was hard to stop something he didn’t understand. He pulled his hands from his face.

“Don’t leave.”

He looked up at her. A cat, almost groveling at her feet, a wolf. Almost begging her to stay. He didn’t understand it. Why his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest when he realized she would leave. It had to be because she understood something. Maybe about him. Or maybe she understood something he didn’t. It was likely both of those. His eyes studied her, silently. He was sure he would feel like a total idiot if he played back the last hour in his mind. But everything was happening so fast that he didn’t have the chance to do that. He was too caught up trying to understand. Trying to hold down his anger, to comprehend all of the strange things that were happening. He probably looked like a love sick puppy. It was pathetic. But he was tired of not understanding and of nobody else understanding. It was like being the only one in the whole world. Or, perhaps, like someone who had lost their identity. Had it stolen. Then being framed for it and having nobody on your side because of that. Because the evidence points to you as doing all of these bad things.

“I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault.”

tagged , Rin
words , 676
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , This is crazy.
credit , rora @ hos

[/color][/center][/font]

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

There was no rising tide, no gush of red splashing across her vision. There was nothing coming, like a monsoon, coming to destroy her control -- she was beyond this already; she was already there. She was at the peak, staring down at the jagged mountain edges: she was tipping her way forward, her arms out stretched, waiting, waiting for that gust of wind. No point in rushing it, the Wolf was already here, impatient and snarling, it's leash rubbed raw and chaffing around the throat. Didn't matter anyway; the Wolf wore the leash simply for decorum: any moment and the leash would break, her strength to crash against the girl. Rin didn't have a chance against the Wolf, not when she wanted out, not when she wanted to take over the body, to protect the very thing they fought over. It was a war, always, always, but there was comfort and familiarity in it. She felt herself easing against the burning conflagration of loyalty: didn't he understand?

But how could he? He was a cat for a reason, no? How would he ever understand how important family was, how important pack was. Without them, there was only outsiders to come and crowd you, to bring you down until all there was to taste was the mud under your feet. You were strong on your own, unstoppable with the pack behind you. They were a force to be reckoned with, love as fierce as her jaws. To be without that killed her, destroyed her. Loneliness made her reach out for others, replacing the spots that had suddenly opened up in her life. She needed help to fill the black voids that discolored her vision.

Without pack, without help, without support, the girl was floundering in her own head. She was anchor-less, floating adrift amidst the torrent of her own riotous emotions. The Wolf lunged forward, running herself ragged every night as she chased that dream of safety, that dream of acceptance. The girl wept in her heart whenever someone pushed her away, whenever she tried, and failed, whenever she had to choose between herself and someone else. Could she chuck away the very things that made her Rin?

No, it was an impossible task; unconstrained, her whimsical nature could never bend and shift into another shape. She could never be kind and caring, she could never be loving and tender, could never listen to someone else's problems and be logical. It wasn't in her heart to simply sit and listen, to know what was going on without doing something about it. She was a protector, by nature, someone who surged forward and ripped the face off of the stranger who hurt a member of her pack, the brute strength, the rage behind all of that loyalty. She was strength without cunning. Bold without temperance. She was a sword that had been cast into the fire and left there to burn and burn. How was she to know what he was thinking if he did not tell her? How was she to act, if she could not act as herself? Struggling with these emotions, struggling with the oncoming darkness of her past troubles, Rin's fists clenched, her heart squeezing painfully within her chest as the Wolf came and went and came again. She didn't lunge forward, but she was a heavy presence, a hot presence that lingered in her very fingertips. She was right at the surface, right there, swimming behind the black depths of Rin's eyes.

The girl was not alone, no, no -- she had to keep thinking in this way. She wasn't alone. She had the Wolf: it was all that mattered, and smiled, slightly, despite her hurt. What was one more rejection when she had infinity with the Wolf by her side? She reached out and entangled her fingers in the Wolf's fur, taking comfort from that steadiness, that consistency that called her to rub her face against it's throat. They were one and the same, she must remember that. Never alone, no, no -- the dull squish of Luke's knees on the wet ground only vaguely reached her ears; she tensed, her shoulders drawing up tight as she reached for the handle of the door, her eyes seeking freedom, an escape from this. Away from this --- the Wolf urged her forward, nosing at the back of her neck, it's breath hot where it touched her.

Don't leave.

[/i]

Rain slid down her back like tears, under the drenched cover of her shirt; her hand hovered as she paused, caught by surprise as her eyes widen. No, no -- and her hand tightens on the handle, opening the door. Don't listen. It's all a lie -- but there was something so raw about his voice that knifed through her heart. She was compassionate by nature, though her temper usually drove others away; she could not hear it that note in his voice and act violently, not when she turned her head to look at him and his face echoed with that sincerity. Confusion. Pain. These things she understood as she looked at him, as her dark gaze meets up with his lighter one; the cat is there, staring at her and the Wolf pulls it's lips back in a silent snarl.

She should go -- her hand closes around the handle, pulling open the door as she goes to take a step forward. She'd go where she was wanted, where Mur--- freezes. All thoughts collide, coming to a giant crash as she feels her heart begin to race again, to squeeze and convulse, broken but beating, still, living still. Knowing she could not go to him, not now, probably not ever again, the girl feels as if all the badness was coming to crash onto her again. To the dorms, then -- though the idea of being cornered by her roommates' stench is enough to drive her mad. Yeah, run away to the dorms, little girl, run away to -- I’m sorry.[/i] a pause as her heart tries to fix itself, to find it's rhythm again, It’s not your fault.

The door slammed shut as she pulled it hard, back toward her -- the echo the only sound as she remained silent, as her shoulders tensed and squared themselves. No where to go; no where to go. The Wolf circled her, but she felt alone suddenly, helpless suddenly. She needed action, needed direction -- turning to look over at him over her shoulder she nodded so slightly it was hardly a nod at all ---------------------------- and made a decision.

Letting go of the door she goes back to him, crouching down in front of the kneeling cat. With a sigh, she propped her chin on her palm, her elbow on her knee and studied him for a moment. Biting her lips thoughtfully, she sighed again and poked his forehead, "Who do I have to hurt to make you feel better?" Her hand came back to rest on her thigh, her head still tilted questioning, like wolf cocking it's head. "Hm?"

What do I have to do to prove to you I'm worth your attention? -- but Rin would never utter those words, and satisfied herself with thinking it. If she could find someone to help, someone to help her in turn, perhaps she could overcome this pain that Murazar has instilled in her. Maybe. Her eyebrow lifts up, looking at this sad looking cat. Truly, he was a mess.

Then again, so was she.
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word count;; 1258
tags;; Luke
OOC;; I'm very sorry for the length. My muse just... popped or something.

[/SIZE]

[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

He was drowning in this rain. His life was drowning with him. Passing him by, but slowly. So slowly it hurt. Passing him by on this planet, the same motions running in circles. The same actions and thoughts following, continuing in an endless circle. He pushed one person after the next away, because he didn’t trust them. He didn’t want to trust them. At the same time, he didn’t want to be alone. You can’t have friends without trust. It always repeated in his head, 24/7. Not real friends. What messed up past had brought this to him? Family had been everything to him. Until that night, when it was wiped away. Could something like that do this to someone? Do this to him? He didn’t want to believe it, but it was true. It could. It did. It had already happened – no. It was happening right then.

Something so simple could ruin it all. Ruin everything. Ruin his life. She was moving towards the door, willing to leave him there. No reason to stay. She had none. His heart beat pounded into his ears, faster and faster. His breathing rising to a faster pace. It was insane. Nobody should have to feel this way when someone was leaving, especially someone they had just met. But he was – his body was. She remotely understood him. Somehow; in some way, she did. But that was not enough. Not enough to keep her from leaving him there. In his mind he knew it. He had told her that Jaguars were not claimed. If anything, they did the claiming. This was true, but he hardly had the strength to live up to this with her. Not now, not with the weakness he had. A hidden weakness to most, but he knew what it was. She had to be catching on to it. He needed someone. He needed her. Someone who would understand him. Luke could feel it. She had to have to felt it.

If he was truly honest with himself, she had claimed him. Every bit of him. He didn’t understand why his body was reacting the way it was, why his emotions were the way they were. But if they continued, all she would have to do is threaten to leave. If he was right about her understanding him at all. He had known if he found someone he could relate to- If he found someone who understood him, it would be difficult. All she would have to do is leave him alone in this confusing world. She was leaving now and he didn’t even know if she could notice the ongoing battle inside him. For all he knew, she thought he was crazy. Maybe he was.The weight inside of him was ridiculous. Holding him down, pulling him on the verge of tears. But he couldn’t cry, no. He was not the only one living this way, was he? He had seen the pain in her, even if he didn’t know the full story, of even half of it. But in some way it was there.

His body nearly jumped when the door closed. He watched her walk over to him and kneel in front of him. ”Who do I have to hurt to make you feel better?” He tried not to let the surprise show on his face. She didn’t leave. No, she was still there. Still putting up with him, to say the least. ”Hm?” Luke breathed deeply. Family. No, this he would not say. He couldn’t; he wouldn’t. It made him feel like a little kid in a way. When she asked. But, the bigger picture, was that he felt relieved. Relieved she was staying.

“Nobody,” he said quietly, watching her. “Just…please don’t leave.”

He hoped she wouldn’t ask why. He didn’t know why, and if he did, how would he explain it to her? The only thing he had were his own thoughts, ideas, and confusion. Furthermore she would probably think there was something wrong with him. Not that he would blame her. He even thought something was wrong with himself. It was like a Jaguar that had been raised in a zoo all his life and suddenly let out into the wild. That summed him up perfectly.

“I’m sorry.” He looked away. “Really sorry.”

Luke hid his face in his hands, embarrassed by himself and his actions. If someone had told him in the future he would be doing all of that, he never would have believed them. He had never thought it was possible, but it was.

“I don’t understand,” he murmured, half to himself, half to her.

tagged , Rin
words , 773
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , No problem. The more the better!
credit , rora @ hos

[/color][/center][/font]

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

It couldn't be so wrong, this emotion, this ability to claim -- yes, claim: the very sin he used against her. She claimed people, yes, but she allowed herself to be claimed as well. It wasn't master, and servant, it was more than that -- it was less than that. It was the intimacy, the support of a pack surging forward to protect you, the warmth of acceptable, of understanding. She had seen something in him that she could not leave alone -- the way in which he had snickered and paused, the way in which he had gauged the librarian and still decided to remain distant. Rin had been captured by the very essence of his personality, caught in a web that she had no intention of breaking.

He needed help -- she wanted to prove she was worth being around, that she was someone who could be there for him. So she laughed with him, she smiled at him, teased him -- this fire, this dance in her heart that could not be held in check. It was who she was to try to draw others to her, to leap through rings of fire if it would bring your eyes to her, just her, for a little while. The limelight? It was more than just that popularity: it was the knowledge, the feeling of those eyes on her that she was worth something. She wasn't someone to be overlooked, wasn't someone to be pushed aside and hated. Her family was wrong to fear her; that they were, at the same time, right to fear her.

Dangerous, vicious, cruel, yes, yes, but outsiders didn't deserve to be helped -- they were the dangerous ones, they were the vicious ones, the cruelest ones who hurt others, who dismissed others. Was it so wrong to fight back? She smiled, slightly, as he watched her, that tangled mess of confusion and emotional complexity tightening the lines of his face. Rin never lied. If he had uttered a name, she would have found them, would have pushed herself until their necks were within her jaws and dragged them back to his side. Yes, so extreme, this need to fill the voids in her life, the little blips of blackness that made her feel vulnerable.

She set herself up, always -- the one who would pursue, the one who would take the direction, the protector, the bully turned heroine; but did no one ever figure out that they had her back too? It wasn't about physicality for Rin. She could take care of herself, and did; it was the loneliness which threatened to undo her -- it was the emotional need which consumed her and forced her into her darkest ruts, her most outlandish bouts of rage.

The rain fell, much like her crying heart: hard and fast, unstoppable and unyielding. This sorrow, this rain, they were the same thing. She felt it in her bones as she raised her hand slightly, cupping her palm so that water began to pool, to drip down. This was her fate, the path she had chosen to follow, the path she would forge ahead, no matter what happened. This was her role.

He had asked her why she was really here; this, this is her answer: they needed each other. In some way, some shape, some form, they needed each other. Nobody, a pause, as his eyes seem to soak into her own, as she puts a little more weight into her palm where her chin is propped. Just…please don’t leave. The needing won't be stoppered, the emotion boiling over the rims of their fingers and spilling outward, outward. She cannot stop the surging of warmth that seems to rise up like steam, dampening the rain, making it less like sorrow, more like welcome to her. Her heart no longer spins in circles, no longer squeezes; her lungs no longer tighten. Here, right now, is a moment of peace; silence as deep and unending as an indrawn breath: there is anticipation that rumbles beneath it. Purpose, finally, finally. A meaning to a life she had been slowly beginning to despair of. I’m sorry. Really sorry.

[/b] -- his eyes look away from hers, and she lifts her chin, letting her hands dangle in between her legs for a moment before she reaches out for him. I don’t understand, and Rin freezes, her hand stopping, hovering for a moment's hesitancy; the Wolf watches the girl, it's ears perked, it's hackles raised. There is more to defend than the body. Family, it is protecting the heart as well.

Her hand moves forward again, pressing his shoulder in a feather-light touch, getting his attention as she stands, hand moving away as easily as it had come. "Friends?" she asked, her hand offered, waiting, waiting. She smiles, warmth surging forward, dancing across her eyes. Pack, the Wolf thinks, brushing it's flank up against Rin's rib cage. Family, Rin agrees, the slightest smile curling the edges of her mouth.

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word count;; 838
tags;; Luke
OOC;; yay ^-^

[/SIZE]

[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

He had done it. Luke had admitted to himself that he needed her. The Jaguar was restless with this decision. But, in truth, it was not a decision. It just was. Unexpected, but real. The truth. It was more than this boy needing that girl. It was this cat needing that wolf. Did one see a cat relying on a wolf? No, they didn’t. But it didn’t really matter. Rules were meant to be broken. He did not know if she saw it the way he did. But she came back anyways, despite him lashing out at her. Letting that anger he had turn to her, even when it wasn’t her fault. Did she come back out of pity for him, though? Did she sympathize with him? Perhaps. But he saw a connection. Maybe it wasn’t one-sided as he had thought. Maybe, in truth, hidden inside her perhaps, she knew that she needed him to.

Her expression hardly changed when he told her there was nobody. Nobody she could reach from this island, that was. That he didn’t want her to leave, to walk off and not look back. Then it would seem as if it had never happened in the first place. That he hadn’t seen her in the library, but he would have always remembered it. He didn’t understand the full reason he apologized. Half, perhaps, for him lashing out at her. The other half because he was begging her not to leave. If he had ordered her to stay, he had no doubt she would have kept walking.

As his hands covered his face, he felt her hand on his shoulder. Lightly touching it and then it was gone just as quick as it came. He pulled his hands away and looked up at her, where she had stood.

”Friends?”

Her hand was held out to him. To him. A boy, a cat, pitiful looking, clothes soaked through. Not only an offer of truce, but of friendship. Her smile was different this time. Not one of satisfaction, but gentle. Friendly. To take her hand and agree to friendship was to say that he trusted her. Trust had always been an issue with him, but he could see it in her. He could tell she was trustworthy. If she saw friendship the same way he did, it would mean he had her back, she had his. If she went down, he went down too. That was what friendship meant to him. You had to stick through it, thick and thin. It was a bond he never had with anybody else. A true friendship. He reached his hand out, gently grasping hers with his own. He got to his feet and nodded slightly.

“Friends.”

Slowly a smile came to his face and he pulled his hand away. It had turned out to be a weird day after all. But one to remember. But saying it was only claiming them to be friends. They would have to prove it. Friends were more than mere words. Saying you were friends and acting like it were two different things completely. But Luke knew this, and when he said he was somebody’s friend, he carried that out. Somehow he knew that she was the same way.

“You know how I said I like water?” he asked, looking around at all of the water. “Well, I don’t like it this much. Is it possible we can go somewhere else?”

He looked down at his clothes, his shirt outlining his body as it stuck to his skin. His pants were soaked through and a little muddy, but nothing a little cleaning couldn’t fix. He just hoped they didn’t fall into an awkward silence. Silence was fine, but awkward silence was not. He didn’t think many people actually liked that. That was usually what happened when someone didn’t know what to say or do.

“I suppose I owe you a thank you for breaking my phone. So thank you.” The mud had almost completely covered up his phone now. Or what was left of it. It was kind of weird to thank someone for doing something like that, but at least he wouldn’t hear from them for awhile. He smirked as he thought of something. “You are planning on getting me a new phone, right?”

tagged , Rin
words , 719
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , Did you get tired of Oli?
credit , rora @ hos

[/color][/center][/font]

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

Drip, drip, drip -- rain, it fell one at a time, a torrent, a drizzle, all sorts of intensities, all sorts of shapes and sizes. Like emotions, it came down, dripping, dripping, dripping, slipping through cloth, through the very skin, it seemed. It was cold, cold, but it was washing away the dirt that lingered on her skin. It was cooling the fires of her rage, cooling the hate, the shame -- purifying her it seemed, and she could smile easier now, could laugh easier now. In rain, she felt understood, as if the rain washed right through her very soul and took out the plague that nestled in the corners. In the rain, she didn't feel so utterly alone, with the Wolf dancing circles about her, with it's eagerness panting in her ear. With Luke's cold hand slipping into hers, as he rose to his feet.

It seemed stronger than medication, more potent than the change which altered her shape: she wasn't becoming a new person, but it was as if hope was starting to linger in her heart, a seedling that had been buried was suddenly unfurling, growing it's roots and spreading out. Slowly, so slowly, like watching a flower bloom when the light of the sun pressed it's warmth against it, she seemed to be turning toward it, her petals unfolding, her warmth dripping like the water.

She was cold, and didn't care -- her lips were able to move, her tongue felt like it was on fire, and she could look at Luke and see something she hadn't seen in someone for a long time. He could run, right now, and she wouldn't care -- she had his scent in her nose, in her brain, in her heart, and it was enough for now, for now. She could find him, when she needed him, when she felt he might need her. But it was one thing to know these things, and to say them -- he was already embarrassed: the tangy scent seemed to kiss her nose as she wrinkled it, as she pushed her wet hair back from her face. Cold, so cold, but there was a little drop of emotional warmth that came with each drop of rain. It was as if angels truly were alive, and they were finally, finally, looking down at her.

To her, this was something she could not let go of -- and she wouldn't, no matter how much he struggled. The Wolf paced, back and forth restless energy that made her tensed, make her edgy: she was a moment's whim from bouncing around. Too many emotions had been unleashed in the last few minutes but it was a glorious thing -- releasing these feelings of hurt, releasing the pain. To cry, to scream, to howl until your throat gave out. She hummed slightly under her breath as her hand released his, as she spun slightly, shoes gliding over the muddy grass. Friends,

[/b] and it was a promise, of the heart, of the mind -- the Wolf lifted it's maw and howled, long and loud, unable to contain the elation which sizzled through the girl's heart. She felt alive again, felt the licking of the flames beginning at her toes again. To be without it, was frightening. To be released from sorrow's embrace and dropping headlong into this warmth, was a delightful turn. Strange day, perhaps, but it was something she had needed, without knowing.

To battle out her fears without a word, with only her emotions -- to hold onto this precious thing which had almost escaped her: would she have regretted leaving? She wasn't sure. Maybe. Probably.

They were the waves and the shore, each one crashing upon the next; it was only in this way that their strength would grow, that their dreams could finally become a reality. Without strength, how could they find the courage to take a step forward. Her smile grew slightly as she flung her hands up skyward, bending them so her elbow stuck upward, tilting her face into the rain one more time. No release of tension here -- just freedom, just the wildness of the world crashing down upon her face, igniting her, setting her on fire; it shivered through her soul, gave her a motivation to the continue on as the smile became something fiercer. They had claimed each other in this way, and it just felt right.

You know how I said I like water? -- she turned her face toward him, her eyes inquiring, questioning, Well, I don’t like it this much. Is it possible we can go somewhere else. She grinned, nodding her head as she swung her arms back down, grasping her wrists behind her back and hopping forward. Energy zipped from one part of her body to the next, forcing her to feel alive, and not simply angry. Happiness, bubbled out of her and she could not contain: she didn't want to contain it. I suppose I owe you a thank you for breaking my phone. So thank you. You are planning on getting me a new phone, right?[/b]

With barely suppressed energy she hopped over to the door, swinging it open, turning slightly to him as she hesitated going in, "They were obviously bothering you. Don't listen to them." she held open the door as she sent him a smile, "Yeah I'll just ask Mu --" still, sweet girl, stumbling over his name. Catching herself, eyelids flickering she broke eye contact and stepped inside the library. "Yeah, I'll pay for a new one. You can even have mine, if you want. I don't use it." she shrugged, her eyes shifting with darker shadows. Banishing them, she nodded her head toward the front of the library. "Wanna destroy some more books to really piss her off?" but the question was only half-hearted, her eyes sliding past the aisles, to a certain corner where she had met a certain person; as her eyes lingered, she slowly forgot what she had asked him.
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word count;; 1007
tags;; Luke Oliver Bowers
OOC;; Nah, I just quote the last post so I didn't change it xD

[/SIZE]

[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

He could tell she seemed to enjoy the rain. Jaguars were one of the few cats that really liked water. It didn’t bother him, but he did have a certain point where he didn’t like it. His clothes were soaked and it was to the point that his skin was likely to wrinkle up from the moisture of the rain. A moment ago, he hadn’t noticed it. Not really. All he had cared about was her staying. Not leaving him there by himself, despite that being what he was used to. He could tell she seemed happier; he didn’t think it just had to do with him. It was something deeper, but his mind was too exhausted with trying to understand, that he didn’t want to think on it. At least not right away. He knew he had to push that anger from his parents away. They had agreed on friendship, so he wanted her to know the way he really was. Well, the way he was when he wasn’t angry at his parents. When he wasn’t desperate for her to stick around.

”They were obviously bothering you. Don’t listen to them.”

She was right. He no longer had to listen to them. It wasn’t his first time trying to rebel against them, but she seemed to strengthen that. Because she understood. He ignored her next sentence, the hesitation towards the end. If she wanted to tell him, she would. Otherwise he wasn’t going to ask. He followed her to the door, wringing out his clothes as much as possible before stepping inside. Not for the sake of the library, but for his own. He didn’t want water to be dripping off of his clothes.

"Yeah, I'll pay for a new one. You can even have mine, if you want. I don't use it."

Luke laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m not going to take your phone, just because you broke mine.” He stopped laughing, hearing the door close behind him. “I don’t use mine either, really. I just like having one.”

It was the truth. There was never anybody for him to call or text. He didn’t really care for doing either. Face to face interactions were better. Knowing his luck, if anybody ever called or text, it would be when he wanted quiet time. How did you have that with constant vibrations or a ringtone constantly playing? Furthermore, people got frustrated when they tried to contact and that person never answered. He did think they were good for emergencies, though. Luke moved closer and stopped beside her as he looked around the library. It really didn’t look any different from when they had left. Maybe a student or two gone, or maybe more were there. Reading books, studying. How did they spend so much time reading?

“Besides, we’re friends now. That automatically calls for me getting your number, even though I’m sure you could sniff me out if you needed me.” Luke smirked. “That is, if you want to give it to me.”

”Wanna destroy some more books to really piss her off?”
“Sure.”

By the way she said it, he wasn’t sure if she was serious. It was kind of a half-and-half deal. He followed her gaze to a corner of the room where she seemed to stare. It didn’t look very interesting to him, but after having stared at her for the past hour, or so it seemed, he was sure there was something else to it. He watched her silently for a minute before gently laying his hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?”

tagged , Rin
words , 602
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , Lol! Sorry. Okay, I get it.
credit , rora @ hos

[/color][/center][/font]

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

How pathetic was this roller coaster ride, this constant up and down, up and up, up, up, twisting around until the vertigo makes you sick? She constantly threw herself into this mode, from one emotion crisis to the next, constantly shifting, constantly moving while the Wolf in her slowly destroys her, slowly becomes her in ways that undefinable. Always, two beings, as one, intertwined in a complex display of ambiguity, but eventually even the tangles melt together, and there is no scar to show where they were attached. Eventually, the Wolf will sink deeper than consciousness and become all, become everything.

Yet this is her life, this is the wish she yearns for: every minute, every hour that passes by when she is filled with these different emotions, pitched from one edge to the next, she is constantly aware, always aware that the end was coming: eventually she will forget herself. Eventually, looking into the mirror will only show the Wolf, only show the viciousness of it's fangs, the tangled mess of it's fur. Would she still talk? She didn't know, didn't care -- it was this deep dark mirror she stared into when she had met him: when she had fallen so far out of control, she had hurt another student, had rendered their shoulder into bits and pieces. It had struck home in her heart: it had been too close to reenacting the brutality of her first shift -- and she had bolted.

Wet, mostly naked, she had run, and run, and eventually she had run into him. Death, in human's skin. A fox, under neath it all, but strong, where she was weak. Effortless, where she strained herself to keep up. He had laughed at her, teased her, spoke to her, and eventually the fear had settled into a steadiness that she had craved. Without thinking, without words, he had become the center of her world: it was to him she had gone when her side had been ripped open, when the world was no longer a beautiful place anymore. When it had been strewn with blood and death and fear.

The Wolf simmered with barely contained rage, bristling at the betrayal. He had strung her along, without knowing for sure, but to Rin? It had been heartbreaking to smell another wolf on his skin. Was she a hobby? Was she nothing but an experiment? Had he already moved on to the next toy? These thoughts pained her, had made her run out into the rain when it had first started -- it was where she had been but an hour ago. It was just twenty feet behind where they had paused that she had been leaning against the wall, crying her heart out, as the rain came down, down, and turned her tears into a river.

Pack, the Wolf rumbles out -- an echo in her heart. Rin knows what she feels she must do: she must find this contender and make her submit. Rin feels the inescapable need to separate the two, to hold onto the man who had said they were family, who had nursed her wounds, had patted her head and said it would be okay. She didn't want to let go of what she had, didn't want to lose t hat sense of home she had found with him: that person to run to, that silence, welcoming and palpable. Even his scent was branded in her brain, saturating the very school she fled from. Could she bear to see him every morning and know he was untouchable now? That she could reach out and her hand wouldn't crumple in his jacket, his patience and his silence would no longer belong to her?

It is a painful thing to be left behind. A painful thing, to be replaced by someone older, calculative, different. Rin had found the girl once, looking at her from a distance and knew the instant that smell hit her nose that there was nothing similar between them. Just the wolves; where Rin was part of it, that girl, that Etta (ah it tastes foul in her mouth!) was simply human with the ability to shut her other self off. She was cold, emotionless; she was exactly like Murazar -- and they were warm to each other. Longing turned into bitterness as her eyes hardened, her stare becoming resentful.

She fell into the void; her hearing becoming keener the farther she fell -- little breaths echoing in her head, heart beats rumbling on and on, unstoppable, conquering her entirely. How long had she been looking? She didn't know, couldn't grasp time in her hands to understand.

His hand burned where he touched her; she startled, jumping a little as she whipped her head around, eye widening when she realizes he's been watching her. Hey, are you okay? -- a slushing of sound rocking against her skull, as her hearing escalates, honed on a painful edge: it pops, suddenly, and she winces a little. "Uh, yeah. I just ..." she felt suddenly very wet, very cold, "I'm fine..." and she walks forward, shivering as his hand drops from her shoulder. It was so odd to be touched; though she had readily done it, had readily taken the step, it was another thing entirely to be touched in return. Her smile was slightly bitter as she wove through the tables, stopping short of an aisle. She paused, taking a breath and swung around, tilting her head to look at him, "Hey, if ..." she paused a second trying to gather her courage, nose twitching, feeling strangely vulnerable with all these wet clothes, "...if you really trusted someone, I mean really trusted someone, and someone else came around and ... and tried to lure them away from you," her tongue darted out nervously, licking her lower lip, her eyes flicking away before coming back, "What would you do?"

Her fingers where she held onto the back of the chair, clenched around the wood as if she would release all the tension through her hand alone. Little did she know the trouble she would soon cause if this kept up.

[/SIZE]

word count;; 1027
tags;; ./Luke/Ollie/.
OOC;; hah, she's finally voicing it! w00t ^___^

[/SIZE]

[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

Luke wondered just how much of him she understood. She had tried to help him before. Before he had lashed out at her, but after his meltdown, she had come back and tried to get through to him that she could help him. So he wanted to do the same for her. They had only just met, but in the same day all of that took place, they had bonded. They had bonded through something that ran much deeper than the surface. It was something that had brought them together in the first place. That had brought her to the library, to him. It took time to learn how one worked fully, but he wanted her to know what a friend meant to him. What a real friend meant to him. They were everything in his world. Like family. His blood, even if they were a different animal. They were like partners in crime, two peas in a pod, whatever they wanted to call it. He was very loyal to his friends. Well, if he had any others, but in this case..to her. He wasn’t expecting her to open up, but he wanted to somehow convey that to her.

If a friend was hurt, he wanted to help. Any way he could. He had their back, always. Kept their secrets, always. He would always be there for his friends. For her. He had to prove that to her, to show it to her. He had felt something when they first met and he felt it now. There was still pain running through her. It had been a long while since he had to prove anything to anybody. Watching her, he could tell somehow that there was something significant about the corner. But he refrained himself from asking about it. He was still afraid that by asking, she might leave. They had agreed to be friends; he would have kept coming back if that were the case. But he had known his parents, well obviously forever, and they still broke his trust. It would take awhile to heal. It always did.

”Uh, yeah. I just… I’m fine.

She didn’t sound fine. That was what he wanted to say, but kept his mouth closed. He followed her through the tables quietly, debating on asking her. The first step was being comforting in times of need. Just as she had confronted him about whom she needed to hurt to make him feel better. Luke stopped as she did and watched her turn to face him.

"Hey if- ...if you really trusted someone, I mean really trusted someone and someone else came around and ... and tried to lure them away from you, what would you do?”

He bit his lip and watched her carefully as she spoke. Hesitant, but she still got it out. He pulled his hands from his pockets, replaying what she asked through his head.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly, thinking it over. “I guess there would be other factors to consider. Such as whether this person I trusted was allowing them to lure him or her away from me. Or whether this person doing the luring away was doing it on purpose to hurt me or not.”

She was the only person who understood him at all. He tried to think back to when she had been going to leave. How he had felt. Nervous, panicky. Vulnerable. Like if he hadn’t stopped her then, hadn’t found some way to stop her, she wouldn’t ever come back.

“I think I would be furious with this person either way. But depending on their motive, would probably depend on how I reacted. Whether I would want to make them pay. Or who I should make pay.”

His eyes watched hers, looking for any change of expression. But it was obvious that she was not fine. It showed in her expressions and in her eyes. The only question was whether she would open up to him or not about what was bothering her. If her trust had been broken, it wouldn’t be easy. He knew that. Even worse, they had only just met. Even through that bond, could she tell he was trustworthy? Could she look into his eyes and notice that? He took a deep breath. If someone tried to take away the one person that he could trust in the world, he would be furious. He would want to hurt them and it wouldn’t be likely that he could be stopped until he had achieved his goal or was physically unable to do so. He leaned forward slightly. Just barely.

“Who do I need to hurt to make you feel better?”

The same question she had asked him. She had meant it when she said it and he fully meant it. If they were going to be friends, he wouldn’t have her hurting because of someone if he could help it. That wasn’t acceptable in his friendship.

tagged , Rin
words , 856
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , None!
credit , rora @ hos

[/color][/center][/font]

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

It was crumbling beneath her feet, the little bricks that supported her world: the very foundations of her life, of her moral consciousness. It was going, going, gone. His eyes were dark and uncaring. His voice distant, distancing himself from her -- or was it her imagination? Did the smell make a difference? He didn't speak to her. Gods, it was the worst to see him watching her, to watch as he listened, as he listened and listened but his lips never moved, his eyes never focused on her. Always away, probably thinking of that one, that little bit of scent that lingered on the lapels of his suit. This emotion was wrong, so wrong, but the pain was without bounds. She felt forgotten, neglected -- jumping forward, forward, knowing that someone would be there for her, that someone would reach out their arms and catch her ..... and she was suddenly free falling, spinning out of control.

To describe this? To open up her heart without tears, without bitterness? To speak of this burning yearning that destroyed her? To want something so bad it ached in her bones. She just wanted to be looked at again, to be known again -- not just a little note written in a palm pilot that blinked up every once in a while. Oh yeah, I should check on her. Burning tears sizzled up the lines of her nose, burning her eyes, a fire that was trying to squeeze shut but she held it back, refusing to give in -- not now, not yet. Please, she cries, her heart twisting as she imagines what he must do without her.

She had never wondered, before.

She had smiled seeing him, before.

Now, now it wasn't the same; they were so different now, as if the levels had shifted again and he was running forward, too fast, too fast, without caring that the ground was full of glass and she had no shoes on. That even as she shifted and her paws bled red, bled hate, that she was still falling behind. Don't leave me alone! she wants to cry out, as Luke had cried out, but there is pride stuffing her mouth, there is gutlessness choking her, devouring her until she simply shakes when she sees him, she simply looks at the floor. Rin has become a little school girl again, shivering and broken, refusing to look into his face, unable to keep her face from flushing. Broken, broken Rin, unable to hold up the image of herself -- unable to speak to him of this thing, this very, important thing. Who is she? the Wolf is howling in response to this emotional diatribe, this emotional break down. She is held together by strings.

Suddenly, the puppet is cut off from the master, and she is falling, falling, sprawling on the floor left to rot... left and forgotten. Abandoned. Little brother

[/s] -- the forbidden thought. Never, never, but the thought is there, and it is unstoppable. To hold onto that one thing again, to cup her hands and blow life into them again. To feel alive and loved again. To be seen again: not just a shadow, a burden that must be put down in a calender. Luke thinks she is bold and strong -- but the little girl is so fragile in the end. She leads when she must, she pushes forward when she sees the goal before her -- but stranded, alone, suddenly, suddenly alone, she is nothing but a child curled up on the floor.

Her fingers flex on the wood of the chair, her eyelids flickering as she tries to keep her gaze on him, to be strong, if only in front of him. Pull yourself together, she thinks, but it is a useless thought as the pieces have begun to fall away the moment she dwelt too long on that particular corner. I don’t know, his voice is quiet but it pulls her away from the edge as she stares at him, hooked by his voice. What would you do? Would it be what I want to do? Is it wrong to do this? I guess there would be other factors to consider. Such as whether this person I trusted was allowing them to lure him or her away from me. Or whether this person doing the luring away was doing it on purpose to hurt me or not. So wrong for her, then; she flinches, her gaze dropping to the floor in shame. This woman didn't even know Rin existed. Murazar didn't speak her name, ever. Just a stray scent, a knowledge that led her down a hall and into a classroom to which she didn't belong.

I think I would be furious with this person either way. But depending on their motive, would probably depend on how I reacted. Whether I would want to make them pay. Or who I should make pay. The Wolf lifted it's nose; yes, yes, vengeance. Pull the bitch out, scare her away -- but Rin is pulled in two directions. Murazar would not be impressed with violence; he would simply turn his back to her all the quicker; he would...he would simply.. run to her side faster. The Wolf disagrees and snorts. Rin simply trembles, her knuckles white where she trembled, holding fastly onto the chair. He moves, but she only reluctantly looks up, Who do I need to hurt to make you feel better?[/b][/i]

She stills, tears blurring her vision but held back, right on the brink, right before the drop -- water swims across her vision is lazy arcs, blurring the lines of his face. "I don't know who to hurt." she says, quietly, turning her face away to the left, realizing, suddenly, their audience. Struggling not to hyperventilate, and struggling not to remember why she hated this library as much as she loved it, she jumped forward, reaching for his hand and pulling him along, pulling him through tables toward the very back of the library. She knew this corner well -- had met someone strange and unreliable in this corner: but it was hidden, and no one would be there. Her fingers flex around his, her pulse hammering in her throat as she rounds the corner and releases him; her eyes fly up toward his, the Wolf inside of her going frantic with the need to burst free. No, not yet, please, please, she begs in her head, realizing how much control she was losing. The Wolf snarls, Let's run -- but no, no, no. Not yet.

Rin shakes as she tries to swallow her pulse, "D- Do you know a girl named Etta? I... I think her last name is Gawalko." This is wrong, and Rin knows it, feels it in her heart. This isn't right, at all. To ask this, to try to know more about this when she hasn't the courage to face Murazar. Her fingers twist in her shirt, dripping water onto the carpet without realizing. "This sounds bad, I know, I'm sorry, but .. do you?"
[/BLOCKQUOTE][/COLOR][/SIZE]

word count;; 1187
tags;; Ollie
OOC;; This is kinda all over the place. Sorry ,_,

[/SIZE]

[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

Luke tried to make sense of things when he was angry. Tried to talk logic over emotions, but that didn’t always happen. It didn’t always work. He wasn’t sure if what he was saying to her made any sense. To either of them. Life could be so complicated at times. People could be so complicated. That’s why they were hard to trust. Some people were so selfish these days. They made decisions based on what they wanted to do and didn’t think of anybody else. They didn’t think of who they were hurting or would be hurting if they said or did something. He could see the tears forming in her eyes, watering up. But she was holding them back. She probably didn’t want to cry in front of him as he hadn’t wanted to do in front of her.

”I don’t know who to hurt.”

He watched her look around and he finally looked up. Some people were watching them, never minding their own business. Before he could say anything, she took his hand and pulled him along. Not giving him time to tell them off. They were always staring. Always wanting to know what was going on. But why? He didn’t understand. What did they do with the information they found out? Nothing. They heard it and did what? More often than not, they used the information to start a rumor. The rest of the time they did nothing at all. If they had found out someone was dying, were they going to do anything? No. He realized she was leading him to the corner she had been focused on. It was fairly secluded from the rest of the library. Away from all the curious eyes, staring them down – probing in business that wasn’t their own. Her hand gripped his tightly until they reached the corner and then she let go.

"D- Do you know a girl named Etta? I... I think her last name is Gawalko."

The name sounded familiar. As if he might have heard it somewhere, but he doubt he actually knew this girl. He was in twelfth grade, so it would probably ring a bell, if only he could think. If he could think of all the people he had seen or heard, but never talked to. Those he had watched, but never trusted. There was a long list of names for the Unknown. The first name didn’t ring a bell, but the last name had. Gawalko. It wasn’t exactly a common last name. Not to him at least. She seemed nervous as he watched her fingers twisting in her shirt and water drop onto the floor. Whatever she was planning, it couldn’t have been good.

"This sounds bad, I know, I'm sorry, but .. do you?"

Luke looked around and took a deep breath. His eyes focused back on her and he nodded slightly. “I doubt I know this girl. But I know of a Rochette Gawalko. Is this the same person?”

The girl he had mentioned was in the same grade as he was. Or at least he thought she was. Even worse, her shift was a wolf. The same shift as Rin. Whether this was good or bad, he didn’t know. As he watched her, he only became more curious as to what was running through her head. Was she trying to figure out who to blame? Any advice he could give was limited, because he didn’t know the whole story. Not unless she told him.

“Who is hurting you? Is it this girl or is it this person you trust?”Luke leaned up against the wall. He knew she had said she didn’t know who to hurt. He didn’t even know who this person she trusted was. But he could try. “I think the fault falls on the person knowingly hurting you.”

tagged , Rin
words , 642
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , It's okay. Sorry this is short!
credit , rora @ hos

[/color][/center][/font]

[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

[/SIZE]
[/CENTER]

She had been trying so hard, so fucking hard, but how do you rewrite in your soul which had become her everything? Her tragedies, her hatreds, her wants and desires, they intertwined so tightly it was impossible to cut one without cutting down the whole thing. She wanted...she wanted... but she couldn't tell what it was that drew her so fiercely to his side. He was cold, he was quiet, he was death, and she couldn't get enough of it, she couldn't help but be drawn to his side, sitting in that silence, in that acceptance and smile quietly. It was ... it was peaceful when he was by her side, the Wolf subsiding, becoming the quiet, the calm, the luxuriating stretch before sleep. Beside him, the world made sense, and when he left, it pitched back into chaos.

She was a bomb that was ticking, ticking, ticking, faster than her heart, faster than breath and only his eyes, only his hands could stop the ticking, could rework the wiring and make her still, make her wait while the pain washed over her and disappeared. What was it about him? She hated this mystery, hated the lies, the omissions, hated that everything about him was a secret he wasn't willing to share. But the way he spoke to her -- gods, the way he spoke to her it was as if he could part the cement of her defenses and simply talk to the girl beneath it all. He caressed the Wolf, accepted the Wolf, but it wasn't just the Wolf he saw. It was her: it was Rin in all her vainglorious majesty. Every crack, every fault line that tore her face in pieces. She was a map and he had the key to her undoing. Worse... he was pack to her. He was the one she would die for, would do everything for -- and he knew it, didn't he? The way he looked at her? The way he spoke to her? What he said to her? It was all assurances, as if he knew what she was thinking before she thought it herself. He knew he was the center of her world, and yet he could turn away from her as if her adoration was simply a child's fancy.

That was the most painful. He didn't care.

I doubt I know this girl. But I know of a Rochette Gawalko. Is this the same person? Could she stand this anymore? The Wolf was clawing her up, her fangs flashing, biting, snarling. No more waiting, it demanded, it's heart as twisted and broken as Rin's, unable to cope with the nothingness that lay before her. She needed to fight this, to keep him by her side, to prove she was worth this, she was worth looking at, worth talking to. That other girl, what was she? Just another wolf, thinking she knew what was best. Rin had come across two of them already, and both had fallen beneath her jaws. What were they in comparison to that? Little ants to be squished by her toes. The tears were swimming before her, almost falling, almost, almost. He knew her, she was real, not just a figment of her imagination, not a mistake, not a fancied paranoia of a name she barely understood. She was living, she was flesh, and she had a scent that had burned deeper than Mura's, burned brighter than Luke's. Was it her fault? If Rin had been in a stable set of mind, perhaps she would have realized it was no one's fault that she was being left behind. She would have the ability to see past the fog which crept up around her in visions of red. But she didn't, and she couldn't: she just felt the pain of a sharp imagination, drowning in jealousy and possession. He's mine, the Wolf snarls, rising up again, unstoppable as the girl froze, her expression becoming stiff, her eyes wide as her nose flared.

The Wolf was coming, unstoppable now, unconquerable. Weak girl, -- the resentment, the disgust, the utter hatred that comes with their dual love. The Wolf's nose lifts up, pressing up against her skull, stretching, stretching, forcing her skin to move as Rin bit her lip hard enough to bleed, as she reached out blindly, trying to hold onto something, anything at all.

Murazar had taught her control, but with his absence, with this betrayal moving the Wolf, she was nothing in comparison to that fire. It rose, in pain, in love, in a hatred: it was indomitable and it would not be stopped -- not by some invader come to sniff around her possession, and not some weak girl who didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. "L ---" her eyes widen as she stared out, blindly -- her fingers found purchase in the bookshelf, clutching as she rocks to the side, as the pain becomes everything inside of her: physical agony rips up her spine as she fights the Wolf, as she tries to keep it from coming out. Not yet, no, no -- but the Wolf is snarling, it's eyes black with insanity, maddened by the girl's hesitancy. Who is hurting you? Is it this girl or is it this person you trust. I think the fault falls on the person knowingly hurting you -- white noise, buzzing around the pulse in her ears.

Rin can't hear, can't breath as the Wolf fills her up to bursting. "He ... lp." she chokes out, her knees giving out as she slides to the floor, books falling off of the shelf as she clutches at anything to keep her upright. She crumples, breathing hard, fast, her eyes wild, "I change, I kill her." and she tilts her chin up, looking inebriated and drunk on the intoxication of this change -- gods, how she missed this, how she missed the forcefulness, the hunt, the domination of the Wolf slipping through her veins and forcing her to do step out of the bounds of her compassion, to see with eyes unclouded by anything but red. Red, yes, the red, the blood, the vengeance. A growl trickles out from between her lips as the Wolf peers out from between those black eyes, arms straining to keep herself anchored even as she was pounded by the sheer ferocity of need. It was one wave after another, pulsing, moving, surging through her -- it was steadiness, it was strength, it was power. The Wolf knew what to do and it would have it's wave.

The worst impression she had ever wanted of herself: clutching like a beast, breathing hard, her skin trembling, darkening and lightening as she fought the black fur from bursting free, as she fought the urge to rip her clothes fromo her skin, to feel free finally, finally, away from this pain.

She'll pay. -- the knowledge, the imprint of images slicing through her morals. Madness. Disease. What was wrong with me?

A vision of Taro slips over Luke's face, so that she sees two visions at once.

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word count;; 1182
tags;; Ollie
OOC;; she's gone mad :X feel free to abuse her.

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[Luke Bowers]

* LUKE ( OLIVER ) BOWERS ,

She didn’t look so good. He could tell, both inside and out. As if she was struggling with something. Struggling with this problem that she wouldn’t fully tell him about. Everyone knew that when someone addressed a problem as “what if this or that had happened to you,” then they were addressing a problem they were having. That’s how it always was. He figured she knew this. She couldn’t have thought he wouldn’t realize it. But she had chosen her words careful, so that he didn’t know the whole story. He watched her carefully, getting worried when she didn’t answer his questions. The words she did speak came out jumbled or in small portions. She was unsteady, both inside and out. He pushed himself from the wall when she reached for the bookshelf to hold her up.

“Stop,” he said forcefully, trying to talk some sense into her. “You don’t want to do this.”

She didn’t give herself enough credit. Caring for someone was not a one-sided thing. It had to be on both sides or the person doing all the caring was setting themselves up to get hurt. Jealousy, that was what she was feeling. It was horrible thing to have, unbearable at times. Some people would see it as pathetic, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. Nobody chooses to be jealous, it just happens. It wasn’t something she could overcome on her own, he could tell. But he didn’t know everything. He couldn’t pretend he understood all of it. That would have been a lie. Even so, that didn’t mean he was completely out of options. He had to try.

"He ... lp."

She tried to grab onto something as her knees buckled from under her, no longer able to keep her standing. Luke reached forward to catch her, wrapping one arm around her to keep her from collapsing to the ground, the other protecting her from the falling books. He gently lowered her onto the floor and sat down beside her, still trying to hold her up. Whatever pain she had was causing her misery; jealousy was tormenting her. For this, there had to be a lot of both. He was already beginning to hate the people who caused this. He didn’t know who they were, but did it really matter? Did they know what they were causing?

”I change, I kill her.”

“No, Rin. Listen to me.” His eyes focused on hers, but they were dark. Being overcome by something much worse than just simple jealously or anger. It was becoming obvious, that this person she had trusted was a guy. Earlier all she had gotten out was “Mu” before changing her mind. But who did he know that had a name with Mu? “You don’t need him.”

One of the two had to be the cause of this. Or both people. Whoever it was, she deserved to get them back. But he couldn’t let her; not like this. The way she looked now, he had no doubt that she would kill that girl. But that would ruin her in so many ways. He had her back now. That portrayed many meanings, including not letting her do something she would regret.

“You don’t need him,” he repeated. He held her close, hoping to give her some kind of comfort. Yes, looking at her it appeared as if she was probably too far lost inside her thoughts and emotions, that it might not do any good. But he couldn’t believe that. Agreeing they were friends had been a promise. Letting her leave and make a mistake like that was not having her back. That’s not what friends did. “Rin, you don’t need to prove yourself to people. It’s not your fault if he’s letting this girl-“

”She’ll pay.”

He paused, struggling to convey in the right words what he was trying to say. His eyes searched hers, as if it would tell him. It was hard. He was trying to put the pieces together as fast as he could while trying to calm her down, but it was hard. Thank God she had led him to that corner, where nobody could really tell what was going on. As long as they didn’t come their way, that was. Was it this guys fault? Even if the girl was knowingly hurting her, for it to be this deep, he must not be putting up much of a fight.

“Oh, Rin,” he said, breathing deeply. “You’re better than this. If he is who you think he is, he wouldn’t be letting her do this. He does not deserve you rushing after him. He does not deserve you at all, if he is going to make you hurt.”

He felt as If his words were nothing, though. What if she really didn’t understand? She hadn’t known to blame, but this guy meant so much to her, that she chose to blame the girl. In turn, that leads to another problem. What if it really was this guys fault? Assuming he was right about the gender. How likely was it that she would turn on this guy that could be the cause of so much pain? Would she even be able to blame him? To accept that it could be his fault? That wasn’t to say the girl was innocent. There was a fifty-fifty chance for both. The only real bond he and Rin had was the connection that had brought them together in the first place. It was definitely strong and brought them friendship. If it was this guys fault, and she could not blame him, it would be left up to him as a friend to do something. Even if he did fail, he would have to try. He couldn’t fail the only person that had understood him.

“Don’t feed the pain,” he whispered to her. “Don’t let jealousy overcome you. He does not deserve you caring for him this much.”

He had never seen jealousy consume someone like that. He had never seen pain consume someone like what he saw in her eyes. She didn’t deserve to hurt like that.

tagged , Rin
words , 1021
lyrics , run this town - jay-z
notes , Lol. Poor Rin! He's a little rusty throwing out caring words, seeing as how he never had the need for them before, lol.
credit , rora @ hos

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[Natsumi Sayuri]

+ NATSUMI SAYURI +
•••CALL ME RIN•••


My beautiful liar why are you crying on your knees?
You've crucified yourself and now denial is rising...rising...

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She felt hot, as if she were on fire, as if the Wolf was made of flames, not fur, not flesh and bone and blood; she was an elemental heat, that disastrous flame that burned and burned, flickering between her eyes and her heart, burning her to a crisp. The heat was overpowering, the heat was painful, and she was burning with it: a fever that ran wild as her eyes dilated, growing as large as plates, nothing in them to be spoken to. She felt like she was dying with the Wolf struggling to come out --but she knew this was wrong, this poor little girl, this suffering little girl who never wanted to hurt anyone. Not anymore. Not again.

Stop, stop! she's crying in her heart, her fingers tangling in her hair as she leans against Luke without knowing -- the reality is dying, the Wolf is everywhere, the Wolf is everything. No matter where she looks, no matter what she breathes, there is fire around her, there is the black eyes, the black fur, the black sin that tears her heart into pieces and growls with satisfaction. It wants to be out, it wants to render flesh from bone, to destroy the very thing that was in her way: the other wolf, the invader, the one who stepped too close onto her own property. She had claimed Murazar the moment he had lifted her hand, the moment he had took a deep breath of her own scent. Father, brother, pack, he was the family she ran to, the person who accepted her. Why, why was this happening too her? Why did this have to feel so terrible?

Why couldn't she reach out and strangle the Wolf? Why couldn't she just make it stop. No thoughts but the fear that was suffocating her, making her tuck her chin deep against her chest; Luke's arms supported her, his scent burning her nose, but it was being disintegrated by memory. Sharp and terrible -- the double-visions of lost, dead brother, a sister's laughter. Gone, gone, all of it swept away by the fire of the Wolf's wrath. She had burned the last of her anchors, had broken through a father's love and nearly killed them all, once upon a time. Now she was going to do it again, casting themselves adrift in this meaningless world -- but the emotions were hard to conquer, the beast impossible to talk to.

The Wolf was not rational: you had to fight to live, you had to struggle against everyone who sought to bring you down. Where the girl, where Rin would fall to her knees, would look the other way, the Wolf would surge forward and take those words in her jaws and spit them back out. This was not how to deal with the problem -- forward thinking. Fast thinking. Moving forward, deal with it. If the bitch is dead, she won't be coming around anymore, right, right? The conviction is a powerful one, a feral insanity that belongs solely in the wild. What rules were there to the Wolf, when only survival mattered? Losing Murazar was almost like death. He was pack. He was family. Protect the pack, the Wolf thought, it's growl rumbling through Rin's very bones, shattering the last of her bounds.

His arms held her as she trembled, eyes unfocused -- visions of Taro again, again superimposing over his own. Black hair over blond; dark eyes over light. She couldn't take this anymore. Submit, the Wolf is snarling her fangs sliding over the girl's throat, pressuring, dipping down, down, almost sinking, almost ripping her very soul out of the body. What happens when one is killed? What would happen to Rin if she fled so far into her subconscious she could not come back out? Terror tasted like metal on her tongue. Kill the bitch, kill the bitch, kill the bitch, but these aren't Rin's thoughts anymore, these aren't her emotions. Rin doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore. Enough with Taro. Enough with Kimi. Far too much with Rose, that poor grey she met int he forest -- did her wound ever heal? Was she dead, too? How many bodies must she pile up before she's ready to be exterminated? Before everyone realizes she's not worthy to be alive and they put a muzzle on her? Dimitri had been hurt by her as well. Four. Will she make it five? Will she take this innocent, guilty, woman's throat between her black jaws and crack that spine, severing her head from her shoulders? She chokes, a keening sound slipping out from between her lips as she bites down hard, as her hands come up hard and fast, clamping over her ears as if she could stop listening, stop the pain by becoming deaf.

Luke, so kind, so steady -- and she was oblivious... but for the scent of him so close, the steadiness of his heart as she flickers her eyes, as she realizes how close he is. She reaches out, without thinking, without wanting to -- breaking down the barrier she had put up herself since Taro's death. Since her own near-death. I won't cling to anyone anymore -- she had said, staring at a faceless, nameless grave. But she was a cup too small for the intensity of her emotions and they were spilling outward -- and she reached out like she said she never would, she gripped his shirt like she said she never would again, clutching him, her breath catching in her throat as she clamps back the scream, the agony.

Was she not worth it? -- so much pain in being twice abandoned by family. She hears a thrumming in her ears, and realizes it is speech, lifting her gaze slightly as the Wolf circles her, pins her down as if it would toy with her before taking her. Don’t feed the pain. Don’t let jealousy overcome you. He does not deserve you caring for him this much. A dam broken as she twists her fingers in his shirt, as tears spill down her face, "I'm sorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry." over and over, a litany, whispered and cruel as her voice catches on the tears she had sworn she would never cry again.

Broken promise after broken promise: she hears her brothers laughter in her memories, coupled by her sister's screaming; the hoarse sound of Rose's agony as her shoulder was destroyed; the grunt of pain as she took Dimitri's arm between her jaws. Always the same, always the same. Killing what she wanted most. Destroying everything, everything. The Wolf does not subside, but roars under her skin, setting her on fire as she skin heats up, feverish as she mumbles, "I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry..."

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word count;; 1125
tags;; Ollie
OOC;; Rin has had a major malfunction ,_, I feel bad for Luke >__> '

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