Livin' on Life to be Death {Etta}

[roselynfrizroy]

She looked at him still rubbing his hands. "It's not just your Valley." She whispered, she wasn't sure what to say at the time he had mentioned it. Rochette didn't want to believe that someone, especially him, walked down path of death, but given what had just happened she should have.

"What if I want both?" She asked with a simple yet flirty smile across her face. She looked at him and something more was on his mind. Before she let go of his hands she had to ask him something. "D-Do you want to know anything about me? You seem distracted by something." Her face was red and blotchy, maybe that was it. He didn't look or act like a guy who would be completely vain, but many men surprised her.

Etta stopped rubbing his hands and cracked her figures, jaw and neck before walking over to the direction in which they where walking before she had her 'little' break down. " So, feeling better? I know I am!" She said putting her hands on her hips and looking in the general direction of the beach. "So which way do ya wanna go?" She asked cracking her neck yet again. She closed her eyes hoping that he would want to run near the ocean. It was always to calm and the sounds it made just made the perfect background noise. She took a deep breath in, she could almost taste the moist air. She began to chew the inside of her cheek, deep in thought.

Her mind was taken over by her brother. She hadn't seen him in a while, a long while. She missed him, she killed her father and mother. Nothing was going to help, get her mind off of this now. She took a deep breath in and sighed. She could still taste the moist air, but it wasn't of water, it had that rusty taste and smell of blood. She shuttered and a cold rush was sent through her with in seconds hey eyes snapped open wide with fear and Etta's eyes were as black a night.

Her hand tangled in her hair and she began to panic. Her heart racing once again, but this time it was different, it wasn't remembering what happened, it was as if she was reliving it. She couldn't let that happen not with him here. She couldn't and wouldn't let herself hurt him in any way.

[Murazar Dauthi]

Murazar sighed a little as she spoke that it wasn't just his valley. It was, he owned the valley of the shadow of death. He was called that, he was born with a name that translated into that, to top it all off his life was more about death than even surviving. Let alone living.

He replied smiling softly and falsely to her, it was a easy mask to hold. " Anything you feel comfortable with. I won't pry so long as you dont." He set that rule out instantly. That if she pried into his life he'd do it right back. He already knew everyone at this school had killed someone in their shift, except him. That was more luck than anything.

He looked around after he had followed her up easily, he looked around and pointed in a tactical direction. After all, the soldiering part never had left him and it never would. He was about to tell her that'd be a good place to run but she stopped and she was on the verge of shifting. He walked over and quickly hugged her tightly. It wasn't rough, but it did hold her arms down neatly. If she did shift uncontrollably he could hold her down.

He spoke softly looking her in the eyes, at first calm, controlled, and concerned. As if he wanted to make sure she understood he was there for her. " Listen, stop, and look me in the eyes. Do not shift, i'm right here right now for you. Say whatever needs saying and hold onto yourself. "

Then he stopped, closed his eyes and when he opened them it was almost like a change of personality at the drop of a hat. His eyes were mercilessly frozen, he was the shadow of death. They were the eyes of a steel heart wrapped in a blanket of ice. " If you do shift, have no worry. I will hold you down until you shift back. I'll survive. I always do, after all I am the Shadow of Death. I chose life and death for those in my wake that are around me. You get Life."

In another flash he changed back to his caring self as he watched her in the eyes. He almost seemed like he had two mask, and the colder one was the real one. The one he had earned through all his efforts.

[roselynfrizroy]

She was shaking, it was just like the night when she first shifted. She felt noting outside of herself, not even his arms around her, just pain that rang through her body like church bells ring through a town. It was as if Etta was floating through space and she couldn't stop it, it just continued to push her farther away from her reasonable self. She knew this feeling to well, in a few moments she will begin to scream her hear out until she has claws that are harder then diamonds. Her head whipped back and she began to scream in pain, tears flooded her now wolf like eyes.

Slowly her screams became more wold like as well. It was taking her over. Yet she could hear something, no, someone. Whoever it was, was talking to her clearly telling that it would be fine, that it would be alright. The words where now clear and she could feel someone holding her, their heat beat. The voice was male, she didn't know who is belonged to, she was still at the point of shifting at any moment. She was unstable and broken from the inside out, at any point now she with shatter. She heard his little I choose death speech. She wouldn't let that happen with a rough and wolfy voice she spoke: "No, don't say that." She choked on her words to scream some more. Her eyes became wild as she stared into his. Her hair became as white as snow and she could hear for miles.

But something stopped her from changing completely, His voice, knowing that she could hurt him. Her right of mind was coming back along with her normal looking self. She was gasping for air as she normally did after shifting, but this was different she was in between wolf and human and he was still holding her, not afraid or worried that something would happen. Her hair was still white, as per usual it never change back as quickly as it should. Her eyes normal and soft once again, but still wide as hell. Her heart was still pounding but it was because he was hugging her again. "Sorry." She muttered. "I just, well you know I kinda had a flash back." She muttered with those wide eyes that you couldn't stop looking at. She smiled at him.

[Murazar Dauthi]

He held onto her as if unsure whether to let her go just yet, he replied calm and concerned, not false but not what he really was at heart. She saw the closest she would ever see to his heart. Rin had gotten a glimpse, but not like this. He had to say how he could hold her crushingly if necessary to ensure she wouldn't hurt anyone.

He only had to hope he would never have to shift and actually fight either rin or her. His primal side would take over, and it was worse than either of theirs. His was only concerned with killing. No survival. No life. No rest. Nothing but death at the cost of his life if necessary.

He spoke softly as he held her, concern imbedded in his voice. " That wasn't just any flashback, you were changing. Thats almost as bad as my..." He stopped and shook his head before trying to continue as if nothing was wrong what-so-ever. " Listen, i'm going to set up dates...Times" He quickly amended almost embarressed by what he was doing.

Its not like it was any different than rin, it was just. Well he had feelings for this girl and he didn't know what to do with them considering the age gap, career gap, and the fact that worst of all everything he had done in his life that not only he partially loved, but couldn't forgive himself for. Oh that and he was seriously considering suicide as a viable option to continuing on.

He let go of her reluctantly as he continued hiding his embarressment as it faded. " That we'll get together and talk about what needs talking. You need to have let your feelings out sometime. Caring for everyone else while ignoring yourself isn't healthy for a young lady to do. Someone as cynical, jaded, heartless, and destructive as me doesn't need to be cared for."

He tried to smile the fake mask of a smile as if it was a joke at the end. the obvious intent that he wasn't doing this completely for business was obvious. At the heart of it he had emotions for her and didn't know how to deal with them, he obviously cared for her in what way she couldn't say just yet probably, and he was embarressed so he was aware of all the negative impactions between them.

[roselynfrizroy]

She didn't appreciate his attempt at a joke. "Everyone needs to be cared for by someone. Regardless if they are cynical, jaded, heartless, or destructive. Murazar I know of a fact that you are not Heartless." She said with a smile sitting on the grass near where he was standing. "Not only do I think that but, I don't think I need to talk to any one about anything, especially my past." She hissed, she was in a now crabby mood from changing and being told what to do. She didn't think beyond the main reason for his dates, which was to help her. She was suppose to be helping him! Not the other way around! She sighed.

Etta laid down on her back in the cool grass. It was comforting, she'd wished it rain, wet and cold, her two favorite things, apart from soup. Which was warm...she thought about that for a moment before the realization of how tired she was, shifting took a lot out of her. I don't think I can run now. She told herself. She felt warm and icky. I want a shower, a nice long shower. In cold water. She sighed to herself and sat up. When she sat up, she became light headed. Etta pressed the heal of her hand to the side of her head.

"Listen, I'm tired and crabby if you can't tell. I'm not sure if I can go of this run. I mean I can try but..." She muttered not wanting to hurt his feelings and piss him off. She didn't want to do that. To be truthful she wasn't in her right of mind. If she was, she would be freaking out inside that she could spend time with him, one on one time.

She looked into his eyes hoping to get a glimpse of his heart once again. All she saw was a mask that was hiding his emotions. "And these flash backs are normal for me. Don't worry about them. I'll be fine." Or at least that's what I'll tell you. She said to herself. She knew that she wasn't fine, she needed a good cry and a shoulder to cry on. Murazar seemed like the right guy to keep her heart and emotions a secret. She laid back down with a sigh, rubbing her head to deep in thought to even understand what was happening around her. She groaned unhappily.

Outfit--CLICK!

[Murazar Dauthi]

Murazar rose an eyebrow to her, now she was getting all defensive and on the attack in a way. He replied back to her as she sat down and groaned. He flashed that fake charming smile of his. "Aye, now you know what its like when someone throws something caring your way. So now you know I feel, to put it nicely and maturely. I appreciate the concern and i'm thrilled you care."

He paused to let that sink in before adding further, " However, I do not need anyone to care for me. Its a stubborn refusal because no matter what i'll be fine in my own description. No matter what happens. Besides I can't tell you much about myself because you wouldn't understand." That was probably a challenge, however it was true. Unless she went through it she wouldn't understand, maybe not even then.

He spoke again, this time going for an example. " Listen shrinks need shrinks, just because you have problems doesn't mean you don't need them taken care of because your taking care of others. If you break down, whos going to take care of the people your taking care of? No one. Its called self maintenence, it may sound selfish, but its really not."

He paused to let that sink in too, so far he was being manipulative with her, his goal was to get her to either accept his help or leave him alone. He didn't need more people hurt if he blew his brains out. Rin would be hurt enough, but thats only if she knew about it. Etta seemed like the girl who'd keep tabs on him. That wasn't good. He held up a finger as if to stop any hasty thoughts she had to debate that he needed help by what he was saying.

" Now before you say anything about me needing help. I dont, people who don't live long and aren't broken but completely shattered can't be helped. I'm unsalvagable. Your going to have to learn that, not everyone can be fixed or saved." It was a harsh lesson, but one well said. She'd have to learn it one day. He kept his tone well reasoned, calm, slightly icy, distant, and serious the entire time. Almost like a lecture in his class, except that it was just alot of advice and explaining.

Now he just had to sort out his thoughts about her, she probably had a crush on him and refused to stop helping him. He still had that feeling; that weird feeling about her. He needed to solve that or rationalize it so it would go away. He didn't need it around just to hurt another person when he died.

[roselynfrizroy]

"Are you really thrilled that I care about you?" She asked looking up at the now Grey sky. In true fact it was blue, but she felt like everything was crashing down upon her and in casein her in a little room that was covered by clouds forever more. "And don't think that I don't know the feeling of being cared for is, I just killed it before I got to fully enjoy it." She lowered her voice on saying this. It brought back that feeling of pain and blood lust. She was to tired to take notice to it, so she simple didn't breath or move for a few moments. Her heart crashed, it broke, right into two. She bit her lip and sighed.

"Anything can be mended in some way or an other." Etta said starting to rub her head again. "Not only that but, OH what is the use I know you won't change your mind!" She said throwing her hands up in the air before taking a deep breath in and telling herself that she owed him, and he need someone to care for him and he needed someone to care about. "I mean that you, um, ah, well that hrum... You seem like the kind of person who wouldn't change their mind about anything, but I am to change that." She finally got the words out of her mouth.

Etta sat there thinking some more before saying: "If you say you can't be, for a lack of a better word, fixed. Then why are you talking and spending time with me? I have a feeling that you aren't really wanting me here." She whispered the last sentence. That was how she felt, it was almost like she was drowning in her own sorrow and pain. Letting someone close enough to see her flash back and her cried of pain. Nothing could hurt her more then having someone lie to her.

Then again Etta wasn't sure if he was lying. He showed mixed feelings, nothing for sure, he seemed to be confused about her. She wanted, no needed to know. "You seemed confused about something. Do you mind me asking what that something could be?" She said looking at the rain clouds that where off in the distance. Etta sat up and looked at them again. She couldn't help but think that the weather liked to be apart of her emotional roller coaster. She sighed and closed her eyes. Etta yawned and looked very uncomfortable.